TDinATL

Hi All,

I just found this board recently and I'm hoping it can help me vent some things that I'm not sure where to go with. I posted on the Newbies forum. The title of the post is 'My wife and I are struggling' if you'd like to view it (it's a long post but might make the following make more sense) - I'd post a link but since I'm new the site won't let me.

I'm getting to a point where I think it's time to let go and move on, but it's hard - everything else about our marriage is (or was) great. My wife doesn't stay drunk all the time or even drink every day. She might go out and contain herself to a 2-3 beers but the next time it will be 12. She doesn't think there's a problem, and she's adamant about that.

I miss her, she was my best friend, my partner, she made me happier. Not sure if it's good or bad to see that there's a real problem there for her, as opposed to her just making a bad decision.

I could ramble for hours probably, but I just needed to vent out a little more.

kpr27

Do you drink too, or is it just her? I'm not comparing my situation to being married, I know it's not the same, but I just recently ended a relationship because his drinking and constant partying were influencing me negatively. I know I can't pull myself together while living with someone who sees crazyness as fun or some kind of sport. It's hard to leave someone you love, but sometimes you lose yourself inside their madness and you just need to save yourself before it's too late.

TDinATL

I used to drink, very occasionally and always only 1-2. When I realized how serious and issue it was with my wife I quit totally. I don't drink at home with her, not out at dinner and not at parties. I figired if this was something I expected of her I couldn't be a hyppocrite about it.

NYC_Chick

I drink like you drink, maybe 1 glass of wine once a month. This is mostly because I have an alcoholic father and don't want to turn into one myself. I heard about this treatment for alcoholism called network support therapy. The idea behind it is that you surround yourself with sober people all the time so there is no temptation to drink. Kind of like having a "sober buddy."

If your wife is an alcoholic, it won't work. I was sober at every party and still having fun all while my ex was mad because I was spoiling his fun because he couldn't drink. She has to want to stop, otherwise you are just spinning your wheels. It doesn't matter if you are the love of her life either. They usually pick the substance. Hard, but true.

Zak68

Well I can tell you from experience I heard the same things:

"Your not drinking makes me feel like you are judging me" Well, yes I am you are a drunk
"I know my limits and I don't need you to tell me how much I can drink" Obviously you don't or you would take the hand that was offered.
"You smoke so why can't I drink" Smokers don't kill people behind the wheel and don't pass out on their families and make fools of themselves in public.

Bottom line, they will always point the finger everywhere but at themselves where the blame really lies. The only way she will get help is if she wants to be cured, there is nothing you can do about it.

I would highly suggest attending an Alanon meeting. I did my first one a while back based on the help I got here and I think it was a great move on my part to help me begin to heal. Don't let her drag you down to her level by yelling and such. Confrontation is just another way they justify drinking.