She is still making her presence known!!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: In the Heart of Dixie
Posts: 128
She is still making her presence known!!
Last nite My AD called wanting the 50 to pay the drug dealer but again I told her not my problem!! Then argued on the phone with my mother over this whole situation and today when my mother got to my grandmothers, mama said she had been a bitch all day!!! I am not sure where she stayed last night but is at my house today and when I went to bed this morning I turned my phone on silent and she had texted telling me she was on her way to my friends house but she never showed, I know she is pissed because I will not give here the money to pay the drug dealer and her birthday is tomorrow but as far as I am concerned it is just another day!! I left my friends house and came to another friends house..I am not going home and listening to her act ugly!! So I guess I will stay somewhere tonight, I refuse to listen to her blaming me for all of this. And as bad as this sounds..she needs to get out of my house..so as long as she is there, I will not be!!!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: East Tawas, MI
Posts: 3,683
She has all the control here. You need to take control of your life back from her. If she is desperate for money, what is to stop her from taking your things and pawning them when you are not there. If you don't want her there, you could call the police and have her removed. You have already changed the locks, now keep the doors locked and she will have no way to get in. She will escalate things as long as she can get away with it and right now she is. I hope that you can find a way to set some boundaries with her. Telling her no to money is a good start. Hugs, Marle
Member
Join Date: Jan 2008
Posts: 108
I agree. You need to have her evicted from your house. You've given her the choice of going to a rehab. If she wants a roof over her head, that's where it will be.
I'd be concerned that she could sell your stuff or trash the place.
I'd be concerned that she could sell your stuff or trash the place.
Jujubee Queen
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Port Charlotte, Florida
Posts: 3,582
obsessed,
Oh goodness, you have just given her total control of your house.
She needs to be told to leave and not come back until she decides to starighten out her life. You need to set up boundaries, or else this vicious circle will just go on and on. She's spinning a web, and you keep getting caught in it.
Meetings Obsessed, you need to go to meetings, and gain some strength.
Hugs,
Oh goodness, you have just given her total control of your house.
She needs to be told to leave and not come back until she decides to starighten out her life. You need to set up boundaries, or else this vicious circle will just go on and on. She's spinning a web, and you keep getting caught in it.
Meetings Obsessed, you need to go to meetings, and gain some strength.
Hugs,
Senior Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Right here somewhere
Posts: 509
I think Obsessed is probably getting the message here, so lets not spank her too much anymore.
When in the center of insanity, we forget who owns the house and who is the parent. Damn....Ive given away my power to so many, so often, its a miracle there is still a light on in my head.
Im now electrified and empowered.
Obsessed will get there....a day at a time.
When in the center of insanity, we forget who owns the house and who is the parent. Damn....Ive given away my power to so many, so often, its a miracle there is still a light on in my head.
Im now electrified and empowered.
Obsessed will get there....a day at a time.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: San Francisco, CA
Posts: 9
Obsessed, you are in my prayers. I know it is hard because the addict will guilt you into thinking that you are turning your back on them rather than showing tough love.
There will come a time when you will have the strength until then you are in my prayers. I am not sure what your beliefs are, but there is power in the Lord and he can provide you the strength and guidance that you need.
God Bless
There will come a time when you will have the strength until then you are in my prayers. I am not sure what your beliefs are, but there is power in the Lord and he can provide you the strength and guidance that you need.
God Bless
On a tear
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Volcano Country!
Posts: 3,221
You know, obsessed, I had to detatch with anger for a LOOONNNGG time, before I was able to finally detatch with love.
My kid will run right over me, when she is full on in her "ism". And I will let her.
Here is an example - she and I have been yelling at each other every single conversation for two days. So I called her today, cause she normally doesn't pick up when she see's it's me.... but she picked up!! So, I told her I would rather leave and message... and she accommodated that request.
I can speak to her recorder, cause it doesn't INTERRUPT me!
But it is a way for ME to control MY self around her addiction. I think out what I want to say - then leave a message. She can delete it, if she wants... but I just need to SAY the thing calmy.
When you get stronger, you might consider changing your locks - it isn't that hard, really. There are kits at the hardware store - they can tell you what you need and how to go about it. Changing locks and letting her know she is not welcome might be a step you are not ready for TODAY. But you are making good progress, so it might happen at some point in the future. I wish you the best.
(((hugs))))
My kid will run right over me, when she is full on in her "ism". And I will let her.
Here is an example - she and I have been yelling at each other every single conversation for two days. So I called her today, cause she normally doesn't pick up when she see's it's me.... but she picked up!! So, I told her I would rather leave and message... and she accommodated that request.
I can speak to her recorder, cause it doesn't INTERRUPT me!
But it is a way for ME to control MY self around her addiction. I think out what I want to say - then leave a message. She can delete it, if she wants... but I just need to SAY the thing calmy.
When you get stronger, you might consider changing your locks - it isn't that hard, really. There are kits at the hardware store - they can tell you what you need and how to go about it. Changing locks and letting her know she is not welcome might be a step you are not ready for TODAY. But you are making good progress, so it might happen at some point in the future. I wish you the best.
(((hugs))))
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Nothing changes if nothing changes. She isn't about to change any time soon so you can continue this insanity, or decide to change your reaction to her chaos.
We all have an "enough" point and you'll know when you have reached yours.
Hugs
We all have an "enough" point and you'll know when you have reached yours.
Hugs
Southern through and through
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: In.....trouble :-)
Posts: 1,453
I've been right where you are .... the tail wagging the dog. I finally got tired of it. How did that happen? Lots of things....meetings, this board, talking with wise, recovering friends and the pure fact that I was sick in tired of my life being so crappy, feeling so awful all the time.
I hope you'll see that you DO have some control here and it's yours for the taking back when you get ready. We all get there when we're ready.
Big hugs cause I do know this insanity,
Hangin' In
I hope you'll see that you DO have some control here and it's yours for the taking back when you get ready. We all get there when we're ready.
Big hugs cause I do know this insanity,
Hangin' In
Member
Join Date: Jun 2007
Posts: 472
JMO You need to take possesion of your home back!!!!! "They" could turn it into a drug house. "They" could destroy it or steal everything. Also, what about a drug bust? They would all be arrested and your home could be seized.
I know it took a lot with AH to realize this. SR was there for me,some gentle, some harsh and some pounding on this old brain and I finally GOT IT!!!!
You have to take care of yourself, first. Once you can do this, the rest and best will come.
I know it took a lot with AH to realize this. SR was there for me,some gentle, some harsh and some pounding on this old brain and I finally GOT IT!!!!
You have to take care of yourself, first. Once you can do this, the rest and best will come.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: dallas texas
Posts: 1,629
On the Dallas news this am there was report of a lady, shot in the living room of her own home. "they" kicked in the door and shot her and her dog, her elderly mother in the back room was unharmed. Why? 18yo son into drugs and gangs. She didn't do anything wrong, but paid for his crimes with the wrong people by letting him stay in her home!
remember to breathe
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: philadelphia pa
Posts: 1,280
I'm sorry you feel so overwhelmed that you had to leave your own home. Try to take some deep breaths and think of your next move. I know that you know deep down that you have to get her out of your house, but since it's obvious that you are stressed there's no need to confront her about it. you either lock the doors and don't let her in or you call the police and meet them outside to remove her. You need to get back to your life and live it the best you can. She will drive you into your grave if you let her.
Praying you can make your move soon.
Praying you can make your move soon.
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