AskingWhy

My AW does. It goes literally from a different major drama weekly, sometimes more than once a week. Usually one situation isn't even close to resolved when the new drama raises it's head.

Is this just part of the disease?

Daisy30

my Ah doesn't but I think it can be part of the disease. A way for them to excuse their drinking. If there is always drama then there is always an excuse to drink.

ANGELINA243

Alcoholics go to the extremes---in their behavior, attitudes, etc. I would say that it is part of the disease, but it is still no excuse for absurd actions. I hid behind that for a long time--"yeah, honey, I know I did that but I'm an alcoholic--I can't help myself." I played the victim for so many years--until I finally did drive everyone out of my life. It can be almost unbearable at times living with someone like that. I can understand that now--since I am in recovery. But as strange as it may seem--to the alcoholic, their life often times seems like "the only normal one". Everyone else seems to live abnormal lives--or so it seems.

denny57

I know I surrounded myself with drama - living with an alcoholic kept me in perpetual drama mode. I think there came a time I actually liked it.

NYC_Chick

It got to the point where I would have panic attacks every time the phone rang with my xabf. I stopped answering my cell at work and never gave him my work number. It was a crisis a day for him, then a crisis a day for me trying to fix it, whether it was because he got fired from his job, or he was running late to an appointment, or because he had a hangnail. Everything was a crisis.

I don't think they can function without chaos because nothing is clear to them, just alcohol fog 24/7.

prodigal

Yes, my AH does his best to drum up a drama-du-jour. However, I was also guilty of my own little drama fest until I learned to think before I spoke. When I choose to speak, I do so after giving it a lot of thought. Am I going to say something to set a boundary or am I going to say something IN ORDER TO BE HEARD?

See, that was my codie manipulation technique. I was angry that he wasn't listening to me. I was being discounted. So rather than accept that as an alkie, my husband was doing what alkies do, I decided to set up my own drama in order to get attention; to get noticed; and to vainly hope my vote would count with him.

At this point, his drama is HIS to own. He doesn't quite know what to make of the fact that I've got my right foot out the door and am FINALLY really leaving him - yeah, it's actually going to happen at last! Panic has now replaced drama. Funny how A's can seem to be brain-dead to the needs of others, but just let their significant other start detaching big-time and all of a sudden their radar is on full panic alert!

RosieM

I think what prodigal said is true. I find myself tempted to create my own dramas so AH will notice me. Seems to be the only time he pays attention to me. Then his "drama" is always more significant than mine. If I have a headache, his entire body hurts all the time, just for an example. Before this disease took over, he was the best listener and so empathetic. Wonder if that person is still there somewhere.

Anyway, I do think they do this to justify their drinking in their own minds.

fluffyflea

it is part of the disease it's part of the whole lifestyle of active Alcoholism and active co-dependency.


Ngaire

Barbara52

It is the nature of the messed up dynamic of the alcoholic family unit to be surrounded by drama. The A causes it for one set of reasons. The A's partner causes it for another related set of reasons.

It sure is nice to be out of the constant drama! I had forgotten that life could be drama free and how peaceful life was without the constant worry, turmoil, resentment, anger, dread and so on.

miss communicat

when I was active in my alcoholism, my life was a series of crisis'.

We jokingly called them the Crisis Du Jour.

Now, I understand the reasons for all the drama.

1. Self Importance: My problems were more important than anybody else's. Therefore I got all your attention, which gave me a sense of security. I knew where you were as long as you were involved in fixing my problem

2. Insecurity: See above. If you really loved me, you would rescue me from my situation (crisis)

3. Depression: I was often emotionally numb. High drama creates sensation, which made me feel something, anything, which connected me to life. Drugs, caffeine, alcohol, conflicts, arguments, being wronged, messes in life....all worked for this alkie.

4. Laziness and Avoidance: As long as I am heroically resolving an ongoing set of insurmountable challenges, I am unavailable for the quiet inner housecleaning required to grow up.

5. Low self Worth: I don't deserve peace, success, ease in life. Life must be a struggle.

Happily, all of the drama in an alcoholisc's or a codependant's life will fade away as one becomes aware, and open minded enough to grow from it all.

St_Kurt

I believe so and you have a bunch of examples above of how and why.

Here is a very interesting story that I heard in the rooms of AA:

A woman with over 5 years sober was talking about some of the things she used to do in early sobriety. One of those things was to create crises in her life so she would have "something to deal with". In particular she would create crisis within AA. Her favorite thing was to report that a male member of the local club was making inappropriate advances towards her and insist upon his being barred from attending meetings there. This would polarize the group of course as people took sides. It allowed her to see who was "on her side" and that attention was very rewarding for her. (These are her words that she spoke to us during a lead.)

I did not know her during this time and while I believe she has changed, I do still see her as someone drawn to drama.

So, there you have a (2nd hand) story of an alcoholic actually discussing this need for drama, even in sobriety.

~SK

Mair

Yep my xab thrived on it. He didnt use it as an excuse to drink though, he drank whenever he wanted anyway. His Mother said something really funny about all the drama once she said
"We could write a book about Peter and his life, chapter one would be full of chaos then all the other chapters could just have "see chapter1" on them.

All the dramas i had with him were repeated over and over again same old things, and it makes sense now why, until one of us jumped off the rollercoaster (me, of course) the dramas would continue. Needless to say i am dramaless and it's lovely. Although i have to be honest it takes time to get used to a quiet life again.

Mair

parentrecovers

Does Your A Surround Themselves With Continuous Drama?

yes

hbb

Drama was J's middle name. It amazed me how much someone could be involved in stuff that had nothing to do with him!!! But i will say, when he left things got too quiet because i got used to all the drama. If there was a quiet day i found it weird..that's how nuts it got!! I'm back to peace and quiet now

SerenitySeaker

The joke in my family is that my AH's nickname is "Johnny Drama".

It amazed me how much someone could be involved in stuff that had nothing to do with him!!!

I never thought about this being one of the traits of an addict but a good example in my life is my AH is constantly checking up on our neighbors. They are all ok to live near, no one causes problems, they are all friendly, but each side has some thing going on within their family that my AH LOVES to observe and hear about. He will even call me at work to tell me the "Latest". I could care less but he cares to the point of being driven to distraction. Why? Life is too short.

angelonmyshould

I always thrived on other peoples drama. But when I started to work on myself I understood I couldn't be involved with it because my life is my own.

Now, I live with the motto - Don't need no one else's drama because I can create my own at any given time.

LucyA

that just about sums my brother up, and he sucks my mum into it all, because she's the only one left 'helping' him with his self created problems, she phoned me today though, and for once I let her tell me all about his latest dramas, but she did say oooohhhh noooo he's not making a fool out of me, oh no.

No? glad I'm out of it all

justanothrdrunk

Me and my AA buds (some of them) will find life boring without a little drama in it.

I've heard it from others, especially in early sobriety, where they ask, "is this all there is? I get up, pray, go do X (work or something), go to a meeting, and go to bed."

We're so used to dealing with all the crises that we created while using that we don't know what to do with ourselves when life is relatively normal. It seems boring.

Tension and conflict are interesting.

carolineb

I used to call my xabf....the Drama King. Of course at the time, I just thought he was more 'emotional' than most men.

This was all justified because he 'cared about me so much.' All of our drama seemed to be tied into our relationship and a laundry list that came out of nowhere of things I wasn't doing that were 'enough.'

Other times, he'd get really quiet....silently begging me to ask what was wrong. He would claim it was nothing, but later tell me it had something to do with work issues, ex-wife issues, etc. In reality, it was just him feeling insecure about me, himself, etc. But certainly it was NEVER truly about what he had claimed.

Oy vey and Oy vey.

justjo

I was only thinking about this yesterday. Yep, drama is the key to justifying what they are doing or it assists the negativity they are continually working on to blame others.
It was only the other day I was talking to my as and I thought 'what is all this cr_p about. The dramas are so trivial to me anyway that it frustrates me sometimes. I couldnt believe I said it to her, "you are nearly 40 years old, and you act like you are a two year old having a tantrum".
Didnt she think a real drama was our mother having cancer? No, it was that her daughter hung up on her. Figure it out?