StandFast

I have gone 16 days. I have figured out the best way to make it this far is work, work out, sleep and do it agiain. It is winter where I live, so it is pretty much dark and cold most of the time and somehow that makes it easier. I haven't spoken to my drinking buddies much, and don't feel like going out either.

I guess it is inevitable that I grow tired of this.

I will not drink, but nor can I get past the first step and admit I am powerless over alchol. I am reading the book and that helps me understand what it means. And I guess, I have taken this time to reflect. And looking back it appears to me that I was completdly on tilt my whole adult life.

On a positive note, I did share with a collegue that this in fact a "new' life w/o drugs and drinkining.

gravity

Hi Standfast,

Don't know if this helps, but I initially had a problem admitting that I am powerless over alcohol. I was a binge drinker with days off in between binges. Also, if I was in the right frame of mind, I could have one or two drinks - "no problem". Since I wasn't drunk all the time and if I really tried, I could moderate, I rationalized that I wasn't powerless over alcohol.

However, after 5 or 6 drinks I would always keep drinking, out of control for two or three days non-stop - this was happening with greater frequency (BTW, it used to 'only' be one night binges). And having only one or two drinks would lead me to crave/obsess for days until I could get drunk. To me, this is being powerless over alcohol (actually, it looks pretty scary when I write it out). One drink will immediately or eventually lead to a full scale drinking binge. Of this, I am 100% sure.

Good work on the 16 days! Hope everything goes well for you.

Rowan

Are you going to meetings? You allude to Step 1, so I presume you are reading the BB of AA. 16 days is fantastic, and I remember how pi**ed off I was when I wasn't immediately feeling better. I learned that I could keep myself busy, but inevitably, I had to work through some painful feelings in sobriety - without drinking. Keeping busy is good, provided you aren't doing so primarily to distract yourself. Take time to rest and spend time with others in recovery - it's made all the difference to my own life.
Remember that this too shall pass - don't kid yourself - getting sober and staying that way is hard work - so don't be too hard on yourself if you're having a difficult time of it.
Keep posting - keep reaching out - we do understand.

barb dwyer

give it some time, sweetie.

That's exactly how it starts. We start 'looking for' something ... some distraction - and we've removed the distraction. As you heal ... this new life .. like the Universe is going to unfold.

but you have to be sober ... to notice.

congratulations on sixteen days!

SF69

Hey Standfast, I understand what you're feeling. I'm on day 20 and my moods seem to be all over the place. And yeah, this cold, grey winter weather sure doesn't help much either.

Wow. This sounds a lot like me. Fortunately, I didn't go past the one-night binges (well, maybe a few times), hang-overs kept me from that. But they were regular. Thanks for the insight. I'm stuck at Step 1 for much of the same reasons (and because those days I wasn't drinking, my life was very managable).

stone

16 days is great!

I know I felt really lonely for first few months, mood swings and stuff too. I know I wanted to feel better right away...it takes time but it does happen...and yes you have to be sober to notice.

Jersey Nonny

Making lots of meetings, getting "involved" in a group, going out for coffee after meetings, having a network of phone numbers (and using them)...all of that will help you feel less alone. Honest...give it a try.

Astro

I remember clearly the feeling of being alone and helpless. Going to AA meetings every night and embracing the Steps as a way of life took away those feelings. It's pretty much impossible to be alone when I have so many new friends in the program, practicing the Steps has given me freedom from the pain I used to carry around.

Hang in there StandFast. I hope you come to accept that first Step and "do the deal".