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Old 02-07-2008, 02:44 PM
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New Guy, hello...

Hello, New here, have read a few threads the other day, but didn't post.. But thought i would today..

My name is Steve and Im another Aussie.. And have decided yet again, to really try and stop the booze. Tried so many times, I gave up trying for a while, but having just started a new job, and already missed 1 day because of a hangover (I only work volunteer a few days a week, so it's noticed..) I thought stuff it, this time for sure.

I've tried campral, which is just like tic tacs.. I've had councelling.. But always got a few beers on the way home.. I just couldnt make the motivation I'd feel while at Holyoakes (Similar to AA, but not religious) last much more than 5 minutes after I'd left...

Always felt such a failure, but always had an excuse to lie to myself about..

Well, after over 20 years of doing this, enough...

And so as I leave for work today, Im praying I have the strength to make it home without having passed by a bottleshop and bought something.. It's friday, and that was always my excuse before. But even just posting this makes me feel a little bit stronger..

I have a flakey internet connection (Lies, I havent paid the invoice for this month because I went on a bender.. haha , so I'm looking at being disconnected for a few days, but Im hoping that when I get home tonight, I can log back on and go thru some more threads here.. There really is a lot of hope seeing so many make it so many days sober..

My longest is .. maybe a month, about 7 years ago.. since then, no longer than 9 days. More often, I'd drink either every day or every second day.. Having lost my good job in 2004 due to being on zoloft and chronically drinking myself into a stupor every night. Losing my job, all my friends, my entire social life.. Gaining weight, losing hope, giving up..

Enough is enough eh..

Whew, sorry for the rant.. I better go, or I'll be late.. haha

Cheers.. No I mean, Hooroo.. (doesnt have the connection..)

Steve.
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Old 02-07-2008, 02:56 PM
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Welcome to S.R. steve. All the best on your new journey in recovery
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Old 02-07-2008, 02:58 PM
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Hi Steve,

Welcome. You've found a great place Recovery is possible, no matter what! Please continue to read and share here, and make some sober cyber friends. We do care and understand.
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Old 02-07-2008, 03:05 PM
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Welcome to SR, Steve!! Good to meet ya .......Glad you finally posted.....
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Old 02-07-2008, 03:08 PM
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Want to say Hi and welcome to SR

This is a great place. And you can have a whole new life.
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Old 02-07-2008, 03:11 PM
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Welcome to our SR family, Steve, and welcome also to a beautiful new life if you choose to take it!
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Old 02-07-2008, 03:13 PM
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Hi Steve!
Thanks for sharing,
While I am not in Australia I am close by in Wellington NZ, on business from California. I have been on and off the sober bus for the past couple years more off it then not but I think after spending the last 4 weeks here drinking non stop (how the heck does anyone manage it over here ? ) I mean geez, there are more bars here then I have ever seen anywhere in my life. I hit bottom the other night and this is day 1.5 of Sobriety, taking it one second at a time. But I know that life for me is better when I am not drinking, I mean maybe in my mind it is better for me, but looking at all us drunks when you are sober, makes you think, geez I wasted how much of my life doing what? Talking about What? Last night I went for a walk, first bit of exercise I had in a long time, to tell you the truth I finally feel like I just dont want it anymore. This is the first time that I am really thinking F--- that, its time to take our power back, be our real selves. Find freinds that love us for who we really are, not the drunk jeckel and hyde selves. Sorry bro, I hope im not appearing as hijacking your post here or anything, your thoughts just inspired me to speak and I wish you all the best in your recovery.
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Old 02-07-2008, 03:19 PM
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Hi Steve,

Welcome!

I do hope you know that recovery is possible. We understand your feelings and we're all here to offer support.
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Old 02-07-2008, 04:17 PM
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Even though I'm new here, too, I'd like to say welcome. I know the feeling... I used to get a case on the way home all the time. Excuses are the hardest part, in my experience. It's easy to make excuses and believe them. Good luck!
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Old 02-07-2008, 07:28 PM
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Welcome Steve. This is the most important and best thing thing you could ever do.
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Old 08-20-2008, 07:25 AM
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Hi again all... Oh thank you all for the replies..

It's funny how guilt can make you stay away from something... fell off the wagon before I even got on it last time I was seeking help.. Lost my job again, went into a spiral.. same old thing that happens over and over.. Didnt come back feeling like a ****** after really really wanting and trying.. again.. to stop.

But hopefully, I can get a leg up this time, since I've actually started with a program here called Next Step here in West. Australia, which so far seems a heck of a lot better than the useless doctors I've been seeing over the years who are all too eager to throw valium and anti-depressants at me.. and tell me to get a wife, go fishing, or read a bible.

A proper checkup, people who are up to date with things and listen rather than the usual moron doctors I've seen who never seem to listen.

Hopefully, if my blood test comes back OK, tomorrow I'll be prescribed naltrexone - and with the councelling, Im anxious and happy about it.

They are also willing to prescribe antabuse should it come to it, which honestly, I would prefer. but I will try anything at this point.

I read Angie's (sorry, cant remember the full user name post before about her antabuse, and as she says, taking it would be half the struggle out of the way. Like her, I believe that taking it in the morning would cause me to put drinking out of my mind, at least to the point that if I were to be stupid and drink on it, it would be a far harder thing to do that sit here convincing myself of all the reasons(self lies) to go and get drunk again.

That, and I too hate feeling sick, but meh, every second or third day is the end of a bender and sickness is too familiar these days.

So, tomorrow Im off to see the next step councellor, then the doctor who will check if Im not too far gone to be prescribed naltrexone. hehe, it's funny that in order to be prescribed a drug to help stop me drinking, I have to have not drunk so much over the years that it would not be possible to be prescribed it.?! oO

My only concern is that from things I've read about studies done on naltrexone and campral, naltrexone was only marginally more effective that campral, which was only marginally better than the placebo..

but at least it's a start and a step in the right direction... Hopefully Im still posting in a week

Finger crossed this time.



Steve.
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Old 08-20-2008, 07:27 AM
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Originally Posted by 1963comet View Post
Want to say Hi and welcome to SR

This is a great place. And you can have a whole new life.
A new life.. I hope so, I sure didn't treat the current one that well..
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Old 08-20-2008, 07:42 AM
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Originally Posted by SeekSobriety View Post
Hi Steve!
Thanks for sharing,
While I am not in Australia I am close by in Wellington NZ, on business from California. I have been on and off the sober bus for the past couple years more off it then not but I think after spending the last 4 weeks here drinking non stop (how the heck does anyone manage it over here ? ) I mean geez, there are more bars here then I have ever seen anywhere in my life. I hit bottom the other night and this is day 1.5 of Sobriety, taking it one second at a time. But I know that life for me is better when I am not drinking, I mean maybe in my mind it is better for me, but looking at all us drunks when you are sober, makes you think, geez I wasted how much of my life doing what? Talking about What? Last night I went for a walk, first bit of exercise I had in a long time, to tell you the truth I finally feel like I just dont want it anymore. This is the first time that I am really thinking F--- that, its time to take our power back, be our real selves. Find freinds that love us for who we really are, not the drunk jeckel and hyde selves. Sorry bro, I hope im not appearing as hijacking your post here or anything, your thoughts just inspired me to speak and I wish you all the best in your recovery.
no hijacking, Im glad something good came out of my last attempt..

I know what you mean about just not wanting it anymore. The past few months, i almost convinced myself that I must not even want to stop drinking because no matter how much I try, I always give in, and turn into this complete idiot - so just ended up giving in to it... and a few weeks ago, it just made me so angry with myself, I DONT want it. I hate it. I hate who I become. I hate that I cant go anywhere unless I am drinking. I hate that I've spent most of my life like this. I hate that unless I am drinking, I feel empty and hopeless. I hate that when I am drinking, I am arrogant and neglectful.

I hate it. But I can never explain why I let it control me. I realised that really, there MUST be a reason. I guess it's because it's been part of my life for over 25 years that I just don't know who I am sober, and feel like I am nothing. I dont know, but I now have the option for proper councelling and I hope with decent people involved in recovery at the clinic, I will maybe find out this time.

So indeed it is a new life, if I can suffer the pregnancy - lol so to speak.

The scary thing is, knowing there is no caesarean section for this baby, has to be the whole 9 months, figuratively speaking. Or else, I just know this time next year, 1 more year will have been flushed away..

(and I know I'll not be able to sleep again, before the docs tomorrow)
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Old 08-20-2008, 07:56 AM
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Steve- I'm no recovery expert but you sound like a very nice intelligent person to me. I think your posts are honest and sincere. My son is in rehab now and I would be thrilled to read something like this from him because then I know he would be speaking the truth instead of just telling me what I want to hear.

My son was in recovery for about 6 months last year and he used to tell me little AA-isms all the time. I think I liked this one the best "Do the next right thing". As he explained it to me- this is what a good life boils down to- a long series of the next right things. I try to remember this every day myself. Good luck to you and I hope to read more of your posts.

Sincerely, Snickers
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Old 08-20-2008, 08:25 AM
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Glads to see you made it back, Steve...congrats on your sober time!
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Old 08-20-2008, 08:29 AM
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Old 08-20-2008, 01:12 PM
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Welcome back StoneHenge! We hope you keep posting! There is a lot of support
here for you-
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Old 08-24-2008, 12:47 AM
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Originally Posted by Snickers008 View Post
Steve- I'm no recovery expert but you sound like a very nice intelligent person to me. I think your posts are honest and sincere. My son is in rehab now and I would be thrilled to read something like this from him because then I know he would be speaking the truth instead of just telling me what I want to hear.

My son was in recovery for about 6 months last year and he used to tell me little AA-isms all the time. I think I liked this one the best "Do the next right thing". As he explained it to me- this is what a good life boils down to- a long series of the next right things. I try to remember this every day myself. Good luck to you and I hope to read more of your posts.

Sincerely, Snickers
Hi Snickers, thanks for that !!

I like that one too - will try to think about that when Im feeling anxious about things! I've never been to AA (I feel off put by the religious aspects, unfortunately) but I have been to a place here called Holyoakes, and they have a similar group session setup. Their main mantra there being "You gotta wanna." - which I felt was always rather ironic since I was there in the first place, that to me says I do want to. It's keeping that motivation after I left sessions that was the hard part. But I always did feel I was only saying what they wanted me to say..

I hope your son does break thru, I know how many times I truely wanted to stop and did all the right things that I thought were going to help, and still am not sure of how tomorrow will be.. You're not alone, and neither is he

But at least Im still here and not in my own guilt hideout - so far so good..

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Old 08-24-2008, 12:54 AM
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Originally Posted by Rella927 View Post
Welcome back StoneHenge! We hope you keep posting! There is a lot of support
here for you-

Me too !!

I've managed to get on Naltrexone, and so far so good - definitely seems to at first, for me, reduce cravings... but it's now only my 3'rd day sober, so the next few days will be the test.

I have my councellor on tuesday and then back to next step for another appt on thursday. 2 days where I will be out of the house and those are the times when Im so tempted it's almost all I can think about. Anything to get away from quacks or whatever and to a bottleshop...

So if I can beat next week, I will be amazed.

It's so easy to think good intentions right now, but so often I've done that and in the blink of an eye convinced myself "Ahh it wont hurt, its not that bad, 1 more day, whats wrong with that? Why not?" and off I go.

I wish I could take a pill that just had all the bad horrible thoughts and feelings of a hangover so I could remember WHY NOT!!!!

lol

Steve
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Old 08-25-2008, 01:49 AM
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Hi Steve,

Good to see another Aussie here. Stick with it mate, it does get better.

All the best,

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