bookmiser

I feel like calling in sick today. I just am not feeling myself lately.
It's not about as or his egf. lol
Wow! For once, I'm not letting his life interfere with my own.
It's just lately I've been having a few very strange anxiety attacks.
I've been on medication since 1994. A couple of months after my mom
died, I started having attacks. Each time I try to wean off the Zoloft,
they start again. It was 6 days after my 30th birthday that we had
to turn off the life support.
So, lately, they're just coming outta left field. I wake in the night gasping
for air. For some reason, they're different. I recently went to the doctor for
a refill and to have my ears looked at. Lots o' sinus and stuffy ears.
Anyway, this is a new doctor, so he really doesn't "know" me yet. He just
gave me the script and some drops for a slight ear infection and I left.
I've been back home in Cincinnati for almost 2 years, and I had yet to find an m.d. My fault. lol
Anyway, I've been trying to figure out where these "attacks" are coming from.
Shame I'm not the type to call in sick on a whim. I receive 6 sick days a year
and ultimately lose them because I just can't bring myself to call off.
Big Dummy!
As far as as and egf, they seem to be getting on alright.
He's been taking 100mg of lithium 3 times a day to control bi-polar.
He seems to be in pretty good spirits, considering he's not found work yet.
Egf's been working at a nursing home in the dietary department.
When bills are due, it's usually her mom that helps.
Yeah, I know.
Hey, I've done it too. A couple of weeks ago, before she started her job, I took them to a grocery store and bought them $100.00 worth of groceries.
What can I say. He called, crying and said his medicine is making him sick cause they haven't had food to eat in 3 days. He said she's eating at work, but that he's been doing without. Wtf? I bought him groceries. Is that enabling? I don't know. I did feel good helping him though. He does seem to be trying. No pot. Nothing but the prescription for the bi-polar.
Idk. I'm torn. I just wish he'd move forward. Just an inch.
Other than that, everythings peachy. roflmao.
Peachy.
This is my life in a nutshell. Waiting for son to "move" forward.
My God, no wonder I'm having anxiety. lol
Love to you all,
Linda

Ann

Please, Codie's honour, say you will call in sick today. A good day of rest will do wonders and if work cannot survive without you, then they better double your salary.

Anxiety attacks and night terrors or nightmares happened to me big time, and in my case it was related to Post Traumatic Stress. While I was so busy fighting for my son and tryng to save his life, my mind wouldn't let me see the reality of the danger that he was in and the danger I had put myself in.

Driving at midnight through neighbourhoods no mother should ever see, calling 911 because your son has overdosed and then sitting at the hospital all night praying he won't die...again... and seeing the harm drugs were doing to him and to us, and laying awake nights afraid to get "the call"...all these things add up over the years and take a huge toll on us.

I used to take prescribed medication for this, but in time as I walked through the pain and addressed all that "stuff' that had built up, I no longer needed it.

Today I have the occasional "attack" but it doesn't last long and I can calm myself quickly without medication. Today I sleep like a baby. It just took time, work and the support and love of everyone in this program.

My prayers go out for you, Book, I know how awful it is to feel that way.

Hugs

bookmiser

Ann,

Thanks for being here for me. And so promptly, too. lol
Have to go to work. I have storytime today. Chinese New Year.
Little ones are waiting. Don't want to let'em down.
I'll work through this. I always do. It's just a pain, getting up
at 4:30 am. Showered by 5 and on the road by 6.
I really think that people go through stuff and then when the stuff is over,
that's when the anxiety has to realease itself. So when I have attacks, it's like, "what in the world am I upset about that would cause this now?"
I seem to have selective memory. lol
We'll talk again later.
Thanks for your love and support.
Hugs,
Linda

outonalimb

(((((((((((linda)))))))))))))

I hope you take the day off too.
We need to pamper ourselves once in a while, ya know?
I'm sorry to hear about the panic attacks. They sound really scarey. Stress sure does do a number on our bodies. I never realized how much damage it can do. What do you do to relax linda? Do you have any hobbies that you do just because you enjoy them? I know that when I left my exah and things were at their worst as far as stress goes, I started sewing again and listening to music...things I used to do that gave me pleasure before addiction took over my life. Doing this stuff really helped. Alot.

Whatever you decide to do, I'm sending lots of prayers and love your way. Be good to yourself Linda...ya hear???????
:ghug3

lil516

(((Hugs)))

I too work with little ones and know that a day off can be a much needed rest
but sometimes a day at work can be a good distraction

in my case, i usually find that once i get there the kids take over and my "drama" often recedes for a few hours...

hoping that you find some relief today (whichever route you choose)

it may be time to sit down and review your medication with a doctor....a newer drug might be more effective

mooselips

Morning Books,
Hopefully story hour will pull you out of your slump?
It's really theraputic to take a "mental Health" day.


I did the same thing when I worked, I for some reason, didn't want to let the patients down... if I didn't go, they'd be down a nurse and people would have to wait longer....

But, do take a day...they give them to you, you should take them.

Hugs,

cece1960

((((Bookie))))
In the grand scheme of things, he has moved forward. But just like my son, not quick enough (or far enough)

I suffer occassional "spells" that I've never had before, that I can't quite describe or figure out the cause. Its a combination of a shortness of breath, occassional vertigo, racing thoughts...only sometimes all at once. I've chalked it up to a little of PTSD, hormones swings (I'm 47) and of all things...weather. Last year when the weather would dramatically change I would be dizzy for an entire day.
I'm a freakin' walking barometer!

But I also wanted to share that my bosses son was suffering frequent panic attackes for no known reason, and completly out of the blue. After some internet searching, we learned that there are MANY people out there suffering panic attacks triggered by allergies, middle ear problems and sinus issues.
He's now on an allergy med and hasn't had one since.
May be something to ask your Doc when you meet him lol

Hang in there...hope you feel better soon.
((((Hugs)))

bookmiser

Well, another day...

You all know the rest. lol
There were a couple of times today that I thought I would just go to the manager and say, "hey. I can go home now, or stay here and have my nervous breakdown in front of everyone. Your call."
I didn't though. I stayed on. Got through storytime and a coloring sheet.
Put out a couple of carts of "frontlist". New titles. The day drug like no other.
Driving home I finished an audio book. Steve Martin reading his own novella,
"The Pleasure of My Company". Get it! Great story.
I'm reading Stephen Kings, "Duma Key". Very good, as well.
Lined up for, "The Zen of Recovery". Looks good.
Okay, so I read. Alot.
I also bowl on Tuesday nights with hubby on a league. He's die hard.
I do it for fun. 129 average. Bluck!
I enjoy certain television shows. Let's see, what else?
Oh, yeah. I love to eat. lol
Seriously, though. I have had anxiety attacks off and on all day. I think
I may just be tired. 2 days in a row, gettin' up at 4 and going in at 7, takes it's toll on this night owl.
Hubby says if this continues for more than a couple more days, he wants me to see the doctor. I doubled up on my Zoloft yesterday, but didn't today.
Once I got home, though...yep. I popped a pill.
This sucks. Being so negative about drug abuse, then I'm poppin' anti-depressants like candy.
Anyway, wanted to thank you all for the love. It really means alot to me, knowing I have cyber friends who care.
Hey, Cece! What a concept about the inner ear thingy. I did have my ear flushed recently. The other one was infected, so he couldn't do that one.
It was getting really hard to hear anything. Happens everytime the weather changes. Plus I use alot of hair products. Natural curly. Sucks.
Those spells? Yep. Scary as all heck. I've had them a long time, but they're usually under control with the medicine. These are more like out of body experiences. They're really freaking me out.
As far as taking a few days of rest...
First week in April, I'm taking my first of three week long vacations.
I'm goin' to Pa., to see my girly girl. Hubby wants to take me to N.Y. since I've never been. I can do without. No offense, New Yorkers.
Love to all,
Linda

havehope

Hey Book
I hope tomorrow is free of any of these scary attacks!!!
Tomorrow i another day, right?
Have a peaceful night.

CatsPajamas

((( linda )))

marle

Linda, I hope you feel better. Anxiety sucks. I think mine is caused from menopause. It always seems as if when the hot flashes get bad, so does the anxiety and generalized fatigue. You are younger than I am so probably not the problem with you. Take care of yourself. I know how it is when you feel so responsible for everything. And have you read the new Oprah book selection, "A New Earth"? I just ordered it today. Hugs, Marle

bookmiser

Thanks, Terri, Cats, and Marle.
Yep. Tomorrow is another day. lol
Heck, I should already be in bed for it.
I'm a night owl. What can I say?
Marle, I'll be 44 in June. So, I'm not as young as you
think I am. I'm just immature for my age. That's where
Jason gets it. roflmao.
Never thought about menopause. Could be. I don't know, but
they're still coming on for some reason. I'm gonna get a good nights sleep
and see how I feel tomorrow. Don't have to be at work until 10. Oooohhhh,
late sleep, here I come. 7:00am.
About that book? Why is it that all Oprah has to do is mention a book
and man, the sales go through the roof? The woman should run for president, I swear. She could win it, I bet.
Ah, but no speaking of politics, right? Don't matter. I'm not a follower anyway.
Ha! Who am I tryin' to kid? lol
Anyway, haven't gotta a good chance to look at it yet. The book, I mean.
If it's one of those New Age things, I'm not too good with those. I can interpret my horoscope and that's about as far as it goes. lol
Now, "The Zen of Recovery" is Self Improvement. I can use alot o' that.
Let me know how you like it, though. Whatever works, as they say.
Thanks Havehope. They are pretty scary. Especially now.
They use to come, last about 30-45 seconds. (fear, half sick feeling, vertigo, ect) These feel like an out of body experience. That's the best way I can explain it. I'm just trying to stay focused on the now, ya know?
Oh, and afterwards, my head hurts really bad and I feel sick to my stomach.
Anyway, thanks again.
Please pray for my sanity, cause if I lose it...
what will happen to these people? I ask you? lol
Love you ladies,
Linda

ctrom40

Linda,

You sound like you keep yourself busy between working, bowling, eating and reading.

I hope that your are feeling better tonight, and you get a good nights sleep.
I know I feel better in the morning when I get a good nights rest.

Colleen

blue pansy

(((Book)))
I know what you're talking about. I've had panic attacks for almost 20 years. When I first got them I used to feel that I was removed from my body. Like I was looking on at someone else. And it scared the crap out of me. Pounding heart, dripping sweat, the whole nine yards. They would last a half hour or more. I would live in fear that they would happen again. I turned into a complete wreck, but I've got an understanding doctor and he came up with a combo of meds that got me back to a small bit of sanity. I still take some of them to this day. Try deep breathing when they come, focus on something other than the fear.
I still have panic attacks but they are little bitty ones compared to what I had in the beginning. Please go to the doctor and see if they can give you something to calm you down. And take some time off, reading is great. But try to relax for a couple days until you can get back to a little bit of normal. Let the house go, and take time for yourself.

greeteachday

Linda...Sending lots of hugs my friend...Please go talk with a doctor, okay...and not just your new primary. Specialisits understand the meds better and can make adjustments to help you feel better. Lots of times antidepressant just stop being effective and a switch works wonders.
I agree with what you said about feeling things after the crisis is over. I tend to go numb during, then I hit the defrost cycle when things settle down. That's when I start "feeling" again and it can hit like a ton of bricks.

So please, make us codies feel better and take one of those darn sick days and make it a special Linda day, okay? Love, hugs and prayers.

splendra

okay I have to chime in here when the topic turns to menopause...I have so many friends that start this time of their live ill equipped. Anxiety could be a body imbalance and antidepressants won't cure it...

It goes much easier if we pay attention to our bodies. The body is changing. I would like to suggest that you keep track of what you are eating by keeping a food journal. Just jot down what you ate and the time. Pay careful attention to your body after you eat.

If you feel anxious it could be what you are eating!!! Perhaps you feel anxious before you eat...women need to eat low on the food chain when peri-menopausal. Avoid eating too much meat and only eat small portions of it when you do. Avoid fried foods if you feel you crave fatty foods your body probably does need fat but get your fat from vegetable sources(no heated oils) this fat breaks down much more quickly in the body. Menopause is a time of celebrating yes it is...

Here is a short list of what women in menopause ought to avoid eating:

• Fried foods
• red meat
• red wine
• refined sugar and artificial sweetners

Small amounts of dark chocolate can be good for you. Try to find it without refined sugars. I also used evening primrose oil it helped me a lot! Oh yea! Macca powder is really good in a smoothie made with your favorite fruits I like blueberry with soy milk, oh yummy!!

You know (((((book)))) I have watched my loved ones going thru their crap and trying to change them for too long now. They are going to do what they do regardless of what I think ,feel, hope, or pray about. I want to be free. I cannot be free as long as I chain myself to the actions and habits of another.
:ghug:ghug