The first step is the hardest one. I've been a heavy drinker since I was in high school. I started drinking in 1998, give or take. I never really liked smoking marijuana so I drank while my friends got high. I dabbled in harder drugs like ecstacy, LSD (a lot of LSD), psychadelic mushrooms and eventually cocaine. Those never really did it for me, but alcohol became my close, personal friend.

Enemy, morelike.

I drank so often that my tolerance became... impressive to most, unbelievable to a few. I would easily drink upwards of 15 beers in one night and show no signs of intoxication (at least, not that that amount should produce). I was proud of that. How silly.

In October of 2006 I began seeing my current girlfriend. She's a beautiful Taiwanese education major and absolutely brilliant. Through the course of our relationship, I've fallen head-over-heels in love with her and hope to spend my life with her.

However. My drinking began driving a wedge between us. I was truly addicted. I quit smoking (which I'd been doing for 15 years... surprisingly easy, actually) and cut down on my drinking considerably, but I couldn't stop entirely.

I would allow myself two nights of drinking a week. I would count the days. I put a limit of 9 drinks upon myself (through her suggestion), but even then it didn't help. I still always craved alcohol.

I quit drinking for the entire month of January 2008. Not a single drop. After I'd not drank for over a month, I thought I'd proven to myself that I had the power over the alcohol, and not the other way around. I bought a bottle of scotch to sip once in a while. That didn't work.

I can't just have one or two. Once I start drinking, I can't stop unless it's just... gone. I really though I was more powerful than it, but I was wrong.

I'm typing this with a hangover. The first one I've had since before Xmas last year. It's a terrible feeling. I treated my wonderful girlfriend poorly last night... I become someone else when I drink. I don't know what came over me.

Yes, I do. Alcohol.

I've decided to stop drinking all together. My girlfriend doesn't like to drink, so that should help considerably. I poured out the rest of the scotch and am going to do the same with the rest of the alcohol in the house when I get home from work.

I will not let this ruin my life. I've got everything a man could want: an intelligent and beautiful woman, a nice home, a loving family, a car, expensive electronic toys and a good job. I won't let a drink take all that away from me. I won't.

This year (the year of the rat) is going to be a sober year. I though a month would prove that I can not drink, but it didn't.

Strength. Self-control. Support. The three S's of a successful addiction beat-down.

Wish me luck.