he moved out today
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2008
Posts: 40
he moved out today
I told him to leave yesterday and he came home to pack his stuff today after work. My heart is in so many pieces right now, but I had to do it. His using was starting to cause me to pop pills just to deal with the pain. I have to take care of me first.
How can I stop worring about him, I feel like I can't handle this pain.........
How can I stop worring about him, I feel like I can't handle this pain.........
Member
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 1,691
aaahhhhh...I hear your raw pain. But, you recognized that it was destroying you to put up with his addiction......short term pain for long term pain. Keep posting - reach out - we understand how difficult this time is for you. My thoughts and prayers are with you -
Donna
Donna
Forum Leader
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: In my little piece of heaven
Posts: 2,870
How do you do it? One day at a time, one morning at a time, one hour at a time... one step at a time.
The things that helped me were:
Going to meetings
Calling a recovery friend FIRST when I felt like calling him
Recovery books
Keeping my focus on the here and the NOW.
There were moments that I thought I would die... I couldn't imagine my life without him. I didn't know what could possibly fill the hole I had inside of me.
Today my life is full and rich and happy and peaceful, mostly drama-free, and I can't imagine how I lived with him as long as I did.
Take care of you. You'll make it thru this pain, one step at a time.
Hugs
Cats
The things that helped me were:
Going to meetings
Calling a recovery friend FIRST when I felt like calling him
Recovery books
Keeping my focus on the here and the NOW.
There were moments that I thought I would die... I couldn't imagine my life without him. I didn't know what could possibly fill the hole I had inside of me.
Today my life is full and rich and happy and peaceful, mostly drama-free, and I can't imagine how I lived with him as long as I did.
Take care of you. You'll make it thru this pain, one step at a time.
Hugs
Cats
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2008
Posts: 40
I know I did the right thing, then comes the fear,
Fear he'll die alone
Fear this pain wont stop soon and I'll fall apart
But I had more fear when he was here,
Fear of walking in my own bed room and finding him dead in the closet
Fear the police would bust in my door
Fear one of his pushers he owe'd money to
and most of all fear I'd turn into him, and never find happiness
It hurts to walk into our bed room and see the blinds still open like I had them. He shut them every day because he could hear people out there! Even tho the two Boxers right out side never barked.
He was not really here anyway.
Ok I'm wallowing in it...........
Fear he'll die alone
Fear this pain wont stop soon and I'll fall apart
But I had more fear when he was here,
Fear of walking in my own bed room and finding him dead in the closet
Fear the police would bust in my door
Fear one of his pushers he owe'd money to
and most of all fear I'd turn into him, and never find happiness
It hurts to walk into our bed room and see the blinds still open like I had them. He shut them every day because he could hear people out there! Even tho the two Boxers right out side never barked.
He was not really here anyway.
Ok I'm wallowing in it...........
Member
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: New England
Posts: 82
I know how you feel. Seeing everything around you that should be his. I remember when my ex left before, seeing the food I had bought for him when I went grocery shopping a few days before, sent me right over the edge.
I had all those same fears you did when we were together. I'd wake up every hour all night long, I'd actually set an alarm some nights, to make sure he was still breathing. One of my biggest fears though, was telling my friends and family what I had gotten myself into. I don't know why, I have great friends and my family has ALWAYS been supportive - but I didn't want them to be ashamed of me. But they weren't. Making those first calls were so hard, but I'm so glad I made them.
The best thing for me, when it was finally over, is that I left. It wasn't by choice. I wanted him to leave, but he refused to. So I left. But now that I look back at it - it was all for the best. I don't have to open the fridge and see OUR food, see HIS closet, etc etc etc. It's hard, don't get me wrong. But not having those every day reminders around me has been a blessing in disguise.
I don't know if you have anywhere to go, or if you are able to move yourself. But if you are, do it. Even if it's just for a few days. Have people around you. Good, solid, supportive people. If you can. If not, then you have the support here. Take care...
I had all those same fears you did when we were together. I'd wake up every hour all night long, I'd actually set an alarm some nights, to make sure he was still breathing. One of my biggest fears though, was telling my friends and family what I had gotten myself into. I don't know why, I have great friends and my family has ALWAYS been supportive - but I didn't want them to be ashamed of me. But they weren't. Making those first calls were so hard, but I'm so glad I made them.
The best thing for me, when it was finally over, is that I left. It wasn't by choice. I wanted him to leave, but he refused to. So I left. But now that I look back at it - it was all for the best. I don't have to open the fridge and see OUR food, see HIS closet, etc etc etc. It's hard, don't get me wrong. But not having those every day reminders around me has been a blessing in disguise.
I don't know if you have anywhere to go, or if you are able to move yourself. But if you are, do it. Even if it's just for a few days. Have people around you. Good, solid, supportive people. If you can. If not, then you have the support here. Take care...
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2008
Posts: 40
I've only told two people about this, besides you guys. I didn't want my friends to flip. I told a good friend when it first started and she went way off, saying stuff like "I can't believe he's doing that, get rid of him" Like it's just that easy, get rid of the person that completes you, the person that up till then had made me laugh till I cried, completed my thoughts and had been my best friend. Get rid of the person that was fighting something he had no if any control over. He relasped, I always knew it could happen.. I was just not prepared for the lies and to go from being his best friend to nothing..
Today I told the 2nd person but I lied and said he was smoking crack, I didn't tell them he was shooting up too. It seems every one we knew figured he was using again and never said a word. I guess weeks of swollen eyes from crying on my part and his loss of weight, along with the fact that we stopped doing all social activities, told its own story.
I can't move myself, thats for sure and I can't imagine even leaving the house right now. I'm doing good to get out of bed.
I have not called him, I did however send a text message saying I miss him. Even know I know right now he's way to far gone to read anything. Just venting I guess..........
Today I told the 2nd person but I lied and said he was smoking crack, I didn't tell them he was shooting up too. It seems every one we knew figured he was using again and never said a word. I guess weeks of swollen eyes from crying on my part and his loss of weight, along with the fact that we stopped doing all social activities, told its own story.
I can't move myself, thats for sure and I can't imagine even leaving the house right now. I'm doing good to get out of bed.
I have not called him, I did however send a text message saying I miss him. Even know I know right now he's way to far gone to read anything. Just venting I guess..........
the girl can't help it
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: splendraville
Posts: 5,599
(((((tnthelp)))))
The feelings you are going thru right now I would call jonesing. You are going thru a withdrawal. It hurts but I think you can get better. Do something good for you. Call your friends do what ever it takes to find yourself. I have found the more I let go of them the better I feel. Life is good grab a hold of it. Be gentle with yourself...
The feelings you are going thru right now I would call jonesing. You are going thru a withdrawal. It hurts but I think you can get better. Do something good for you. Call your friends do what ever it takes to find yourself. I have found the more I let go of them the better I feel. Life is good grab a hold of it. Be gentle with yourself...
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2008
Posts: 40
Whow splendra, you hit that right on the head, I keep saying I'm addicted to an addict, not I'm. I'm Jonesing for the man the addiction took away. He's gone.
What are the five stages of grief? I think I've been through them all five today about ten times, I want off this roller coaster but it just keeps going... I'm so tired, I have not slept since 5am Tuesday morning...... I hate the bed, I was the sheets yesterday because the smelled like sweat, I didn't know at the time I'd be askin him to leave, now nothimg has his smell on it, Geez I'm 36 yrs old and acting like a love sick teenager. Sorry guys..............
What are the five stages of grief? I think I've been through them all five today about ten times, I want off this roller coaster but it just keeps going... I'm so tired, I have not slept since 5am Tuesday morning...... I hate the bed, I was the sheets yesterday because the smelled like sweat, I didn't know at the time I'd be askin him to leave, now nothimg has his smell on it, Geez I'm 36 yrs old and acting like a love sick teenager. Sorry guys..............
Member
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Chaos, USA
Posts: 52
Take care of yourself. Perhaps he sees how his actions are affecting you and knows you need your space and he is giving it to you. Be grateful. Right now worry about yourself because that is the only thing you can control.
same planet...different world
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Butte, America
Posts: 10,946
one thing:
he did not 'complete' you.
he scared you.
his actions ... scared you.
that's not complete.
that's unhappy.
that's not 'love'.
you did the right thing.
*hug*
get rid of the person that completes you,
he scared you.
his actions ... scared you.
that's not complete.
that's unhappy.
that's not 'love'.
you did the right thing.
*hug*
get it, give it, grow in it
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Calif coast
Posts: 3,167
Time. It takes time.
Living with an addict is toxic and when they leave it can seem like we have
post tramatic stress syndrome. As the days pass and you start to live, think, act and have a home that has "normalcy" you will understand why he had to go.
Addicts are sick with a fatal disease, but rarely take our suggestion to seek help.
That leaves us with only one choice, get help for ourselves.
Living with an addict is toxic and when they leave it can seem like we have
post tramatic stress syndrome. As the days pass and you start to live, think, act and have a home that has "normalcy" you will understand why he had to go.
Addicts are sick with a fatal disease, but rarely take our suggestion to seek help.
That leaves us with only one choice, get help for ourselves.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
