member31986

My functional AH is on a business trip for 3 days...so I am able to not have to look at him. (I think he could be near the late stage because he looks awful) . He's still working, paying the bills, etc. no problem there thank God, but his mental behavior has become weird at times...not only does he repeat- which we all know is part of it, some of the minor things in life get blown way out of proportion. I won't go into detail but this too has become more prevailant. I have started up exercising to relieve the stress of it all and it helps a great deal. I am contemplating telling his boss (who is totally unaware) about all of this as he is a good friend in the hopes of maybe doing an intervention. I thought that maybe if he got help before it is too late, not only would his life be saved but maybe everything else. I have a great support group of family and friends. He has not lost jobs and has been employed w/ the same company for 15 years. I realize I did not cause his A, and can not control it either so this could all just be a waste of time. My D (13) last week told him that he needs to exercise and eat better (she is unaware of my husband being an A-he's a closet A , has been for years and hides it quite well but he is physically going downhill) so she just believes this is all about him not eating right and not exercising which of course is part of the equation. She does know that her dad does ramble at times and gives me the "eye" when that is occurring.-she attributes that behavior to "not eatting-as he often does all day until dinner-low blood sugar- I have held this part of his life from her due to the fact that 2 years ago, she began to develop an eating disorder (anorexia) so I focused my energies on her to get her well, she has sinced recovered but I still keep a close eye. I am sure this is probably related to her's dad's problem as there are similarities and she is so much like him in alot of ways. Thanks for listening, just wanted to vent alittle. Any comments welcome. Peace.

nowinsituation

Member - You have a heavy burden on your shoulders, and it may give you some relief to share it. You say that you have a great support group of family and friends; are you able to share with them about your husbands condition? Are you going to Alanon? I don't feel that I can tell you one way or another whether you should tell his boss. I think it's important to examine what you want to accomplish by doing that? You may be surprised to find that he already knows. I know in my situation, my AH also hid his drinking -- and hid it very well as I didn't realize for many years how bad it had become. However, when I started to tell people many of them said they knew or suspected it for a long time. I also have a daughter age 13. I have not been able to talk to her about her dad's drinking. It is so hard for me because I don't want to demonize him. Many have told me that with kids it's the same as I have found out with other family and friends -- they know more than you realize. Maybe because of your daughter's eating disorder she will be able to have more compassion for her dad -- knowing how hard it is to overcome her own "addiction". Good luck to you!!