what hit me?
live 2 love, love 2 live
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: addison,Il
Posts: 18
what hit me?
hello all i have not been on in a while cause i just was not sure i belong here but i answered my own question by just typing in a user name.
I just wanted to write tonight just because i realy need to vent and i felt this was the place to do so,
you see my rah moved out with one of his roommates from half way house he did this on Jan 1st and they were doing good untill his room mate had his girlfriend over everynight and she was smoking pot and drinking so my rah did not like it so he told him roommate that he (rah) has to move out so he did this past weekend witch i helped him move out and he moved into his mom's house that is up for sale and there is realy nothing in the house but like he said that he rather be there then be living with someone who allow's someone in the house that drinks and do what ever she did. I have to admit i was pround of him for even 1st. thinking like that and even relizeing that he was is not stong enough to be around people who use.
Now here is were is started to hit me like a ton of bricks because i spent the night with him for the first time in over 3months and i have to say he is differant from the day i left, I guess in the 12steps he either had to go with the program or not and like he said he is so willing to be in the program and I will never see the old guy again. (i still have douts) but i guess that will take time to go away or never go away in my mind. But here is my problem I'm scared that i dont know if i even like the new him being this way after i left I cryed the whole way home cause i was like wtf this all i ever wanted is for him to change and now that i see it i got scared, because he's all about doing the right thing I mean this might sound stupied but this is all over me not washing out a cup that i used and i just put it in the sink,after i showed my towel was on the back of the door he yelled and said the towel needs to be put away I was like I will when i"m done with it. Is this how he's going to be all the time? he's all in to resonabilty
Now here is my 2nd. problem he has started to go to church and speek with his higher up and all he keeps telling me is i need to find him. Dont get me wrong i do belive but I'm not a big church person And that does not make me a bad person but I'll be darn if he thinks that he is going to preach to me I dont think so.
well thanks for letting me vent and so on and not even making seince but
I just wanted to write tonight just because i realy need to vent and i felt this was the place to do so,
you see my rah moved out with one of his roommates from half way house he did this on Jan 1st and they were doing good untill his room mate had his girlfriend over everynight and she was smoking pot and drinking so my rah did not like it so he told him roommate that he (rah) has to move out so he did this past weekend witch i helped him move out and he moved into his mom's house that is up for sale and there is realy nothing in the house but like he said that he rather be there then be living with someone who allow's someone in the house that drinks and do what ever she did. I have to admit i was pround of him for even 1st. thinking like that and even relizeing that he was is not stong enough to be around people who use.
Now here is were is started to hit me like a ton of bricks because i spent the night with him for the first time in over 3months and i have to say he is differant from the day i left, I guess in the 12steps he either had to go with the program or not and like he said he is so willing to be in the program and I will never see the old guy again. (i still have douts) but i guess that will take time to go away or never go away in my mind. But here is my problem I'm scared that i dont know if i even like the new him being this way after i left I cryed the whole way home cause i was like wtf this all i ever wanted is for him to change and now that i see it i got scared, because he's all about doing the right thing I mean this might sound stupied but this is all over me not washing out a cup that i used and i just put it in the sink,after i showed my towel was on the back of the door he yelled and said the towel needs to be put away I was like I will when i"m done with it. Is this how he's going to be all the time? he's all in to resonabilty
Now here is my 2nd. problem he has started to go to church and speek with his higher up and all he keeps telling me is i need to find him. Dont get me wrong i do belive but I'm not a big church person And that does not make me a bad person but I'll be darn if he thinks that he is going to preach to me I dont think so.
well thanks for letting me vent and so on and not even making seince but
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: To the North
Posts: 1,086
Give it some time. There will be others along soon I'm sure who have actually gone through what you're going through. I don't have any experience, other than at this moment all I know is that each day is different, each hour or minute sometimes too. Even though you wanted him clean and sober, it sounds like maybe you expected something different - if so, maybe try not to expect anything and see what he has to give, you might like it or you might not. Somewhere here on this board is something about expectations being future resentments - or some such phrasing, and it rings very true to me I know. It must all be very emotional at the moment, good luck and as I have been told many times - breathe! It works!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Houston, TX
Posts: 2,126
Boundary Time
Hey Love2store ----
I'm not sure I understand the cup/dishtowel thing....but first off.....what kind of program do you have set up for yourself....I might suggest alanon or naranon....or some kind of support from others in your position.....marriage is two people, and you need to work on you..... (o:
Now....the RAH ....hmmmmm....often when a person is in early recovery, they find their life becoming soooo good that that think everybody needs what they have....and should be living as they are......usually a bit dictatorially, but it usually passes....and they get to the 'live and let live' stage; if not, uh oh.....
Perhaps it's time for you to set some boundaries.....in love, of course....Perhaps something along the lines of.......: You'll be there for him in his recovery, and help him in any way that you can.....BUT you will not be told what to do and how to live.....you want/need a husband not a dictator.....
Mebbe that last part is a little over the top.....I'm kinda a 'shoot from the hip' kinda gal..... (o: lol
Keep the faith girl, and get yourself into some kind of support group.....for yourself....you're the most important person to you...... (o:
NoelleR
I'm not sure I understand the cup/dishtowel thing....but first off.....what kind of program do you have set up for yourself....I might suggest alanon or naranon....or some kind of support from others in your position.....marriage is two people, and you need to work on you..... (o:
Now....the RAH ....hmmmmm....often when a person is in early recovery, they find their life becoming soooo good that that think everybody needs what they have....and should be living as they are......usually a bit dictatorially, but it usually passes....and they get to the 'live and let live' stage; if not, uh oh.....
Perhaps it's time for you to set some boundaries.....in love, of course....Perhaps something along the lines of.......: You'll be there for him in his recovery, and help him in any way that you can.....BUT you will not be told what to do and how to live.....you want/need a husband not a dictator.....
Mebbe that last part is a little over the top.....I'm kinda a 'shoot from the hip' kinda gal..... (o: lol
Keep the faith girl, and get yourself into some kind of support group.....for yourself....you're the most important person to you...... (o:
NoelleR
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
