LauraK

Heard from my son today...says he's doing "ok", said that he has not been using since he left Teen Challenge, hasn't drank either. He says he doesn't need drugs anymore, after 3 months in TC he did learn something (according to him). The fact remains that he is still violating probation, and when/if they catch up with him he will surely go to jail and then prison.

Here is the thing...he's hungry. LOL yeah, hungry. Says he's lost 10 pounds since leaving TC 2 weeks ago. I am going to get some of his clothes to him somehow, maybe through someone else, do you think that it is "enabling" him to send some food? I know this sounds just stupid probably, but the mom in me says to give him some food (we had a ton of stuff left over from our superbowl party). My husband is kind of against it, says that it's just getting me wrapped up in the drama again, and I told my son "NO MONEY"...hmmmm - what to do

rub

Hello Laura

I'm sorry that I dont know the whole history with your son, but maybe direct him to the food bank. He can get some good, wholesome food there, and you wont have to cross any boundries you have set.

BigSis

Rub's idea is a good one, that you might consider.

I used to worry that I was "enabling" by providing food when my son's "food money" went to drugs. Today, I don't give cash, but I buy the kid a burger occassionally, and send over bags of groceries.

I try not to do for him what he can and should be doing for himself... but I also do what I can live with.


Do what YOU can live with today, and don't be surprised if that changes over time...


((hugs))

SoberAndy

It's a tough one. I'd probably give him food, but not money.

Josie

I always fed my sons and bought them groceries if they were in
need.

You are just doing what Mom's do.

sleepygoat

I have to wonder why he winds up in a situation with no resources. Does Teen Challenge just dump their clients out on the street, or did he leave against their advice? If he's not using, what's he doing with his time? Is he looking for work? Is he living with friends? Questions like these (if it were my daughter) would influence my decision. I might try to get more information - If it were my AD, and if I was fairly certain she wasn't using I would help out with food for sure. If I thought she was using, I might go with the 'food bank' lead and leave it at that. But this is subjective - there's no solid right or wrong -

Spiritual Seeker

I always am willing to provide food.

Ann

I would feed anyone who was hungry, regardless of the reason.

Prayers for your boy, he sounds like he may need them.

Hugs

marle

I sent food home with my daughter after both Thanksgiving and Christmas. Also got some clothes together for her that are hers that are stored upstairs. Whether we feed them or not does not seem to make much difference in their addiction. As long as there is no money or food cards being given I feel it is okay to help with food on a temporary basis. Hugs, Marle

LauraK

First of all thanks everyone for the replies -

Sleepygoat, he left there voluntarily, against the court's ruling, he was there for over 3 months, and apparently got caught with smokeless tobacco. He was to go in front of the pastor for this offence where he was told he would probably be kicked out. He said that he is painting a house for someone for money but they can't pay him for it till they get their taxes back or something. And I definately said NO MONEY. I'm not sure if he can get a job at this point, he's an absconder from probation. I think he's really regretting his decision to leave TC, if it was ME I would try to talk my way back in, BUT...we all know it's NOT ME and he has to make his own choices. As for is he using? I haven't a clue, and did not ask him, he volunteered the info that he was not - but what else would he say?? LOL...he did not sound under the influence when I talked to him yesterday anyway...

cece1960

I would have a very hard time denying my son food. If its a scam for more of something, you'll know pretty quickly and can say "No".
Life is hard out there on their own, he may just decide to do things different with a little "adult" time under his belt.
Prayers he finds himself heading down a better path.
((((Hugs)))

SoberAndy

Something sounds fishy here. Most places don't have rules against tobacco, though they may have rules about when and where you can use it. Most places won't boot you for one minor infraction, but may well boot you for a minor infraction if it was done repeatedly.

Maybe they are more strict than most rehabs, but maybe his infraction was much more serious, he repeatedly broke the rules, or he is simply lying and left on his own.

That said, I would not have a problem getting my kid food even if they were using, but I would never give them money.

CatsPajamas

It sounds like your son has some important life lessons he's about to learn...

and yes, I'd always give food to anyone who was hungry.

LauraK

Andy, yes, they have very strict rules about tobacco use, and I know that they did test him for tobacco and he failed. As for would they have kicked him out for one offense? I don't know, and maybe there was more to it, they would not elaborate to me as Kevin is an adult. He has a habit of making his mind up about something and making very rash decisions without thinking them through, as most addicts do. I almost think he was having a harder time going without the cigarettes than he was going without getting high. It is too bad they don't allow them to smoke cigarettes, I think more would be able to stay longer and concentrate more on their treatment, but maybe they figure it's just another addiction and they are trying to break all addictions? I'm not sure of their reasoning there.

I have decided that I will try to get him some food and some of his clothes, but have set boundries as far as how often I'm going to be doing this (like once a month), but absolutely no money. The worst thing is that he is actually a fugitive, violating probation, and I don't want the police to know that I am "helping" him, not sure what consequences that can have on me. If I don't know where he lives, I won't have to lie and say I don't know where he lives (not that I would lie about it), but if they ask if he's been in touch I will have to tell them he has been. But I do not honestly know how to get ahold of him, so.....he blocks the number when he calls me.

rahsue

I see no harm in giving him food, but if he is "on the run" from the law, aren't you aiding a abeding or however you spell abeding. I know I would get food and clothes to him, but I live in codie mode sometimes.

SoberAndy

That is pretty strict. Most rehabs don't have a problem with tobacco. A few weeks ago my step-daughter was booted from her rehab for repeatedly smoking during non-smoking hour, but they let her reapply and they took her back two days later. Her rehab was much more strict than most about smoking, though they did allow it during certain hours.

I'd definitely contact his lawyer. I'd find him a rehab that allows tobacco and hope that the judge will be lenient in view of the fact that giving up smoking is very hard and most rehabs allow it.

P.S. The group has undoubtedly contacted law enforcement by now, so I wouldn't play games here.

puddinface

Laura...i would bet my paycheck he tested positive for more than tobacco use. Thats probably why they let him go. And it may have been more than once. They usually are allowed to smoke...just not in the building. Any drug classes that my son was in...they were all outside smoking after class. My son was booted out for testing positive for marijuana and coke. And it wasnt the first time...they gave him opportunities to straighten out..he just didnt stop. And yes, if he's violating probation there is a good chance he will go to jail...( which is where my son is now for 47 days...probation didnt want him anymore so they locked him up!) I would definitely give him food..but no money. Thats what any mom would want to do.

puddinface

Laura..one more thing...the rehab will notify the probation officer immediately that they have thrown him out. He will be given a Violation of Probation eventually for it unless the probation officer gives him another chance.

PaperDolls

Andy: I'm guessing that since this is a Teen recovery, that's why the strict rules. You have to be 18 (right?) to use tobacco......it's against the law.

Laura: I don't have any better advice than what you've received here. Take care of you too!

NoelleR

Y'all might want to check out Teen Challenge before making any more guesses about them.........

Teen Challenge is an evangelical Christian recovery program and a network of Christian social and evangelizing work centers. It is a 12-18 month program that serves drug addicts, alcoholics, gang members, prostitutes and people with life-controlling problems.

Teen Challenge was established in 1958 by Pastor David Wilkerson, who worked among teenagers and socially-marginalized people in New York City.

He wrote the book The Cross and The Switchblade about his preaching and evangalizing to gangs in New York; made into a movie by the same name, with Pat Boone....

.....and yes, they have very strict rules.....no smoking being one of them....


NoelleR