gns

I am not sure why I am having a hard time letting go of this new relationship.

I mean I only saw him 7 times and didn't sleep with him (yay me - in the past I would have done that too soon).

I did (and do) really really like him. He is cute and tall, beautiful eyes, funny, smart very attentive, thoughtful and intense. He claims to be "good guy" (my friends thought so too) and the kind of person that seemed to have good character in life. No alcohol or drug abuse. It felt intimate. He seemed very into me too. Bought me a bracelet, complimentary etc.

Now he says he has family issues and has not contacted me at all in 4 days. Not sure if it is a blow off or real. Many of you gave me good advice to let it be whatever it is - my getting upset about it isn't going to change anything.

Now I wonder, did I misread the guy? Did I get caught up in the romance rather than something real? Is he a player (for some reason my biggest fear) or did I do something? Or does he just like the romance and is really noncommittal (although he came across with serious intent).

LaTeeDa

You've seen this guy 7 times and now you haven't heard from him in 4 days. And this has you all twisted up inside? Might be a good time to think about what your expectations of a relationship are.

I've been dating the same guy for 8 or 9 months. We see each other about once a week. If I don't hear from him for a few days, I assume he's busy, not that he's blowing me off and ending the relationship. Just something to think about.

L

ARealLady

Ditto what LTD said. It's early, early days. To me it would be a huge red flag if he wanted ALL my time.

Trust in yourself and trust in the universe!

ARL

denny57

Double ditto. Also, and this is me, if someone gave me a piece of jewelery after only 7 dates, I'd feel uncomfortable.

GiveLove

Take a deep breath.

Focus on your own life, and give him the freedom to focus on his right now.

It's nice that he seems like a good potential partner -- but that's all it is, potential. The quickest way to destroy a relationship with a nice, stable, self-sufficient man is to become a person who panics whenever it looks like he may not do what you want him to do.

If it's a good relationship, it will be fine. If it's not, you don't want to waste your time getting in any deeper anyway.

Focus on you-- your dreams, your life, your goals, your happiness. Let it be what it will be, and use this to become stronger in yourself.

hope2bhappy

Maybe he actually has "family issues," as he said. But I don't see that as the real issue, here. I agree with LTD. I think you need to examine why you are in a panic about such a new relationship. Instead of trying to figure out what's going on in his head, try figuring out what's going on in yours. You are a worthy person, deserving of love. Don't let this set back interfere with all the progress you have made. We can't control what another person says, thinks or does. When we try to do this, we are giving our power over to someone else. We become fully absorbed by this other person, until we don't exist anymore. Stop losing sleep over the actions (or inactions) of another, and keep the focus on you.

gns

Thank you LaTeeDa, Denny, hope2bhappy, givelove and Areallady for your sanity!!

I think it is a good question - why am I in such a panic? Will address that at the next therapy EMDR session. It does however make me very scared and even angry. I know this is emotionally childish and not normal/healthy, but that is as far as I have gotten.

Rella927

Triple Ditto!

I have been dating someone that I have known for 25 years for the past 15 months! I got jewelry after 4 months-(I too would have felt uncomfy after 7 days)
We live over an hour away and see each other if lucky once a week! I get calls and sometimes I do not-And that is ok-

I feel that being secure with ourselves is something that we need to be, before entering into a relationship with anyone! I have created chaos in past relationships with not just men but with friends, co-workers etc....

IMHO maybe working on ourselves more when feeling turmoil or chaos will help us to see that we are worthy of a lot in our lives.

If we have to spend so much energy on wondering why this or that when someone gave us an answer-just because we did not like it or believe it-it is a problem that we need to come up with a solution for-and since I have been in recovery my solution is going with my gut feeling and not wasting energy on something that is just not worth my time!