Hey Everybody: Divorce Date April 8th
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Kansas City
Posts: 151
Hey Everybody: Divorce Date April 9th
Received notice in the mail this weekend and it's just surreal. My attorney told me when I filed last month that it would go quickly since it's uncontested and we didn't have kids together. April 9th will be less than 90 days. Amazing.
I haven't posted my own thread for awhile; just reading and posting support for the seemingly endless stream of sad, hopeful, distraught, angry and determined people that land here just like I did. I'm so grateful for this place, mainly because it's provided me a viable support system 24/7 without having to use the phone.
Despite 15 years of my own sobriety (and a few more than that in Al-Anon), I still struggle with the whole sponsorship/phone-call thing. I tend to fall back here when I need to be making calls, but I'm giving myself permission to have that be OK.
AH and I are still living here together in the beautiful house we built, the one by the little lake with tall trees, the deer, my garden, and my three cats. He's still unemployed but looking for work, still having pretty regular bouts of drinking, still sad and apologetic for "everything". We both cry a lot and wish it could be different. He says he's absolutely certain this time he can stay sober and stay faithful, yet remains firm that he's not interested in going back to AA or therapy or anything that would give him support or direction. After 11 years together, 3 affairs (his), and no recovery plan in sight for him - - I'm deciding that to say 'yes' to him again would be enabling in it's purest form. I just can't do it again.
So today I've got my cookie dough and my chocolate and I'm going to watch that silly game later where the guys will run around in tight, shiny pants for hours. I'm going to figure out how to press the so-called "reset button" on my life and move forward. And I'm never, ever going to marry an alcoholic again.
Respectfully submitted, D9.
I haven't posted my own thread for awhile; just reading and posting support for the seemingly endless stream of sad, hopeful, distraught, angry and determined people that land here just like I did. I'm so grateful for this place, mainly because it's provided me a viable support system 24/7 without having to use the phone.
Despite 15 years of my own sobriety (and a few more than that in Al-Anon), I still struggle with the whole sponsorship/phone-call thing. I tend to fall back here when I need to be making calls, but I'm giving myself permission to have that be OK.AH and I are still living here together in the beautiful house we built, the one by the little lake with tall trees, the deer, my garden, and my three cats. He's still unemployed but looking for work, still having pretty regular bouts of drinking, still sad and apologetic for "everything". We both cry a lot and wish it could be different. He says he's absolutely certain this time he can stay sober and stay faithful, yet remains firm that he's not interested in going back to AA or therapy or anything that would give him support or direction. After 11 years together, 3 affairs (his), and no recovery plan in sight for him - - I'm deciding that to say 'yes' to him again would be enabling in it's purest form. I just can't do it again.
So today I've got my cookie dough and my chocolate and I'm going to watch that silly game later where the guys will run around in tight, shiny pants for hours. I'm going to figure out how to press the so-called "reset button" on my life and move forward. And I'm never, ever going to marry an alcoholic again.
Respectfully submitted, D9.
Last edited by DetachMe9; 02-03-2008 at 01:30 PM.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Hampton Roads, VA
Posts: 68
D9 Thank you for this. You are giving me strength through your words.
My situation is very similar sounding to yours. I am giving up the house of my dreams that we purchased dirt cheap 7 years ago and swore we would die in. My husband has not been drinking or using drugs but his addictive behavior continues in the form of lies and infidelity. I can't live like this anymore. It's time for my life to be about me.
I know we are both going to be fine we just have to believe that God has a better plan for us. I'll be watching for your posts and praying for you.
CBM
My situation is very similar sounding to yours. I am giving up the house of my dreams that we purchased dirt cheap 7 years ago and swore we would die in. My husband has not been drinking or using drugs but his addictive behavior continues in the form of lies and infidelity. I can't live like this anymore. It's time for my life to be about me.
I know we are both going to be fine we just have to believe that God has a better plan for us. I'll be watching for your posts and praying for you.
CBM
Member
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Starting over all over again
Posts: 4,426
Hey there Detach
I'm so sorry you're going thru this hardship. I know what a nightmare it is. I lost my marriage of 20 yrs much the same way. She had three affairs too, that I know of. I had to sell the house I had put half my life into, and close down the small business that was the other half. It took me a couple months to physically move out, and a few more for the divorce.
Those were the darkest days of my life.
And then it got worse. I discovered I have a terminal disease, spent a lot of time in hospitals, lost my job from being sick too much. My life was a trainwreck. I could not imagine my life without the marriage I had invested 20yrs in. All I could see was darkness. I hung on to my program, and spent a lot of time with my sponsor and my meetings. I lived one day at a time, and some times just one minute at a time.
Today I have a cute little condo I've been fixing up. Have a great view of some trees and a little bit of grass. Nice neighbors, tons of new friends in a new town, a new job that I totally enjoy. And I'm even dating a charming young lady.
I survived that train wreck, I became a stronger, healthier person from the experience. My life today is completely different from the one I had before. In many ways it is just as wonderful and beautiful as my previous life was. Very different, but wonderful.
Yes, I lost so many things, but that helped make room for more valuable things. Like peace of mind, serenity, and future that is happy, joyous and free.
All I had to do was work my program, just like everybody says in the meets. Call my sponsor, do the steps, go to meetings, be of service. This stuff really works.
Detach, you just keep coming back around here, and around your real life meets, and you'll get a brand new life just like I did.
Mike
I'm so sorry you're going thru this hardship. I know what a nightmare it is. I lost my marriage of 20 yrs much the same way. She had three affairs too, that I know of. I had to sell the house I had put half my life into, and close down the small business that was the other half. It took me a couple months to physically move out, and a few more for the divorce.
Those were the darkest days of my life.
And then it got worse. I discovered I have a terminal disease, spent a lot of time in hospitals, lost my job from being sick too much. My life was a trainwreck. I could not imagine my life without the marriage I had invested 20yrs in. All I could see was darkness. I hung on to my program, and spent a lot of time with my sponsor and my meetings. I lived one day at a time, and some times just one minute at a time.
Today I have a cute little condo I've been fixing up. Have a great view of some trees and a little bit of grass. Nice neighbors, tons of new friends in a new town, a new job that I totally enjoy. And I'm even dating a charming young lady.
I survived that train wreck, I became a stronger, healthier person from the experience. My life today is completely different from the one I had before. In many ways it is just as wonderful and beautiful as my previous life was. Very different, but wonderful.
Yes, I lost so many things, but that helped make room for more valuable things. Like peace of mind, serenity, and future that is happy, joyous and free.
All I had to do was work my program, just like everybody says in the meets. Call my sponsor, do the steps, go to meetings, be of service. This stuff really works.
Detach, you just keep coming back around here, and around your real life meets, and you'll get a brand new life just like I did.
Mike
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Kansas City
Posts: 151
Mike: Jesus. Thanks very, very much for that little nugget of 'experience, strength, and hope' . The program is everything, no doubt.
Grateful to everyone here, as bloated and tired as I am this morning. Cookie-dough hangovers are a killer.
. The program is everything, no doubt.Grateful to everyone here, as bloated and tired as I am this morning. Cookie-dough hangovers are a killer.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 444
D9 - I moved out of my house 3 months ago -- our perfect little house in the country that we spent every weekend for 6 months looking for (20 years ago). The house that we remodeled twice (plans designed by me); the house with my flowers and my garden and my pond out back (a photo of which was published in a local calendar last year). The house I never thought I could leave because my heart and soul were in that house. Or so I thought. I lived in my tiny one-bedroom apartment; my daughter & I slept together on the lumpy sofa-sleeper every night. Guess what? I still had my heart and soul -- they were INSIDE ME all the time. The house was just a house!! Last weekend I moved into my "new" house. Yes, it is bigger and better than the apartment. I am having a great time hanging pictures and arranging furniture. When the weather gets nice I can't wait to get out into the yard and plant flowers. But I feel so free knowing that I can be happy no matter where I am. It is inside me; not in the house!
Progress Not Perfection
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: "Further up and further in!"---C.S. Lewis
Posts: 563
Originally Posted by DesertEyes 
I survived that train wreck, I became a stronger, healthier person from the experience. My life today is completely different from the one I had before. In many ways it is just as wonderful and beautiful as my previous life was. Very different, but wonderful.
Yes, I lost so many things, but that helped make room for more valuable things. Like peace of mind, serenity, and future that is happy, joyous and free.
All I had to do was work my program, just like everybody says in the meets. Call my sponsor, do the steps, go to meetings, be of service. This stuff really works.
Detach, you just keep coming back around here, and around your real life meets, and you'll get a brand new life just like I did.
Yes, I lost so many things, but that helped make room for more valuable things. Like peace of mind, serenity, and future that is happy, joyous and free.
All I had to do was work my program, just like everybody says in the meets. Call my sponsor, do the steps, go to meetings, be of service. This stuff really works.
Detach, you just keep coming back around here, and around your real life meets, and you'll get a brand new life just like I did.
Mike.....you have the recovery I want.
CindeRella is proof that a new pair of shoes can change your life!
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Spreading my wings
Posts: 7,163
"reset button" on my life and move forward.
Lots of luck to you Detached!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: looking for the sun in cold MN
Posts: 775
D9- I was just going to be a lurker today- I am incredibly busy- but not too busy to log in and say I am happy your life is moving forward- and so quickly. I know we've discussed the house issue. I really like what nowinsituation had to say about that- that your happiness is inside you- not in the house. As you know- I've been hung up on that too- leaving the place I've loved for so long. I know I can find happiness in a different place- and I'm sure you can too if that's what it leads to. Good luck with everything. I've been thinking about you! (((strength!)))
Member
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Hampton Roads, VA
Posts: 68
D9 - I moved out of my house 3 months ago -- our perfect little house in the country that we spent every weekend for 6 months looking for (20 years ago). The house that we remodeled twice (plans designed by me); the house with my flowers and my garden and my pond out back (a photo of which was published in a local calendar last year). The house I never thought I could leave because my heart and soul were in that house. Or so I thought. I lived in my tiny one-bedroom apartment; my daughter & I slept together on the lumpy sofa-sleeper every night. Guess what? I still had my heart and soul -- they were INSIDE ME all the time. The house was just a house!! Last weekend I moved into my "new" house. Yes, it is bigger and better than the apartment. I am having a great time hanging pictures and arranging furniture. When the weather gets nice I can't wait to get out into the yard and plant flowers. But I feel so free knowing that I can be happy no matter where I am. It is inside me; not in the house!
I find it truly amazing that the exact thing I need to hear is written in every thread I open. Thank you for this, your words give me hope.
I find it truly amazing that the exact thing I need to hear is written in every thread I open. Thank you for this, your words give me hope.
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