SerenitySeaker

I was laying on the couch, falling asleep on and off and my AH says "why don't you go to bed?" in contemptuous voice. As though I am holding him up from doing something or just really pissing him off.

Now how often do I have to be in the same room while he naps on the chair?

Anyway, I respond wit "why what does it matter?"

and he says

"Because I don't like you sitting there, how about that?"

and for a split second I almost thought that I was to blame for him not wanting to be with me anymore.

I can't believe how rotten he can be despite years of marriage. Why would I feel bad or guilty about leaving someone who treats me so badly?

It's my house and it's my couch.

WHY?

BayAreaPhoenix

I know what you mean - but you know the truth! It's amazing how we let them train us! I hope you didn't go to bed!!!!!

SerenitySeaker

I didn't go to bed. Earlier today I saw my therapist and was telling her how he forbid me and a mutual friend of ours from speaking because he says "She is his friend not mine"

My therapist said by either or both of us conceding to his wishes we tell him this type of treatment is okay.

I can't believe what I have become with this person.

BayAreaPhoenix

As I said before. I know what you mean! I have been working on this for months, and I still have a long way to go, but really - it's so worth it. You will feel so much better as you keep reading, and posting, and getting words of wisdom from those that have been before us, face to face meetings, books, therapy, etc. I'm happy you found this place. I'm sooooo happy for myself I've found this place. I have such a great support system, and it includes this board! So, how do you feel not going to bed, and what did he say/do?

SerenitySeaker

I feel sad that someone I have supported for 8 years in marriage can be so cold and cruel and me. I have to keep reminding myself I didn't do anything and even if I had it wouldn't justify what he has done.

I felt okay not going to bed, except maybe a resentful that I am feeling like an unwelcome guest in my own home.

Eventually he got up and went upstairs. He just can't even stand to be near me.

BayAreaPhoenix

I'm sorry. I really am. We haven't watched TV or hung out in the same room in I don't know how long. Try to remember, it's his choice. I have struggled with feelings of rejection and even gone through a time of depression and feeling bad about myself. When I took care of myself and figured out I was OK, I realized it was his issue.

Of course, when I found out about the addiction, for some reason I stumbled backwards about 18 paces, but I'm doing what I can to gain back the ground. The one thing that I don't have to regain is worrying about whether he likes me, likes being around me or thinks I'm pretty. I am likeable, people like being around me and I am pretty enough! We all are, and I love that about each of us! I hope that you know that about you too!

SerenitySeaker

Thank you for this.

As much as it hurts this is why I know I have to get out now, while I still have some tiny shred of myself left to re-build with.

Thanks again.

BigSis

Yep. Your insight is right on target. I wish you the best.

Ann

Sometimes a relationship is just not repairable. Often by the time we walk out of the door, we look back and see that the room is already empty.

It sounds like your room is empty, maybe just make a plan for how you can make your life better and regain your balance and self-esteem.

Hugs