Ladybugg

I have a son in jail right now for underage drinking. He is 20 and in college about an hour away from home. His father is an addict and he knows about addiction. We have lived through relaspe and recovery for pretty much his entire childhood. It worries me that he drinks and he knows it but according to him he doesn't have a problem...that is for him to figure out and not much I can say.

The first underage he got before Christmas break he was in bed at his girlfriends apartment and her roomate had some people over. There was a noise complaint and the police were called. The door was open when they came and they came in and rounded everyone up in the house and made them take a breath thingie (can't spell that). And so he went to court and plead guilty, done some comm. service, got a fine and alcohol assesment. Judge put him on pre-trial probation and he was supposed to return to court after completing all that.

Then after break before he had to return to court, they were having a party on campus in his suite and he got in a car with a friend that said he hadn't been drinking. They got pulled over for not making a proper left-hand turn around the town square (kid hadn't had his car at college for long and wasn't used to driving there). Sooo, when the police asked friend if he was drinking he said he drank 2 beers but it was earlier in the day. They gave him a soberity test and he passed but since he admitted to drinking earlier they wouldn't let him drive and wanted my son to blow so that he could drive him home. Well guess what he blew and he didn't pass.

So he went to court and didn't tell me anything about it. Thinking he would just have to do his time in jail because he knows I have no money to hire a lawyer. His friend got 2 underages and they were going to give him 10 days but it was a different judge. So he called his probation officer and she tells him to go early and ask for court appointed lawyer. He did that...and the judge says "well I find you guilty" and gave him 180 days in jail and a 1000 dollar fine. He will go back to court on the 22nd of Feb. to face her again because I guess that sentence is for the first underage.

I know he was wrong but I am just thinking that is kind of harsh. He wasn't driving or fighting or hurting anybody but perhaps himself.

Am I just feeling this way because he is my son?
He will be inelligable for football, he will have to withdraw form school but still pay for semester (loans) and it costs 50 dollars a day to be in jail. He may lose his scolarship for football.

After enabeling and cleaning up my ex's messes for so long it is still hard to know when to step in and at least try to do something. I don't trust the system at all and I am so frustrated.

I thought maybe if I posted here it would help me sort out my feelings on this....I welcome all opinions and appreciate whoever made it through this long post!!

Thanks...Michelle

Ann

Michelle, as a mom of an addict I feel your concern.

My thoughts on this are that perhaps your son's Higher Power has him exactly where he is supposed to be and that maybe letting him handle this situation might be the wiser thing to do.

The consequence may not be fair, but life's like that sometimes, and it won't hurt him a tiny bit to learn there are consequences to living the way he is living.

It might lose him a year at school but it also might save his life.

Yup, my vote goes to "let go", but I'm walking beside you no matter what you choose.

Hugs

marle

I agree with Ann. This may be harsh, but not as harsh as being an alcoholic. Maybe this will wake him up to the reality of what he is doing to himself. And I do give him kudos for not involving you. Take the hint mom and stay out. Hugs, Marle

simplesyrup

Hi, Michelle, I agree with Ann. I don't have children, but I know in my brother's situation, our mom has always been there to bail him out no matter what (and they have no relationship outside of that. He doesn't call her unless he's been arrested or needs something else). He's 30 years old now, and got arrested again last week. Mom bailed him out.
I truly believe that if she would just let him sit and have to figure his own way out, he may decide he doesn't want to live that way anymore. Unfortunately, he's never really had to feel the consequences and nothing has changed for him yet.
I hope everything works out for you.
SS

Ladybugg

I knew if I brought this here I would get some clarity.
Marle and Ann..Thank you for just what I needed to hear. I kinda knew but it hurts me to see him locked up and I just needed to hear it from someone who understands.
SS, thank you too and nice to meet you!!!