My update of being free of living with an addict

Old 02-02-2008, 08:45 AM
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Jen
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My update of being free of living with an addict

Hi all! I wanted to update everyone on my life WITHOUT my addict! I came to SR in Sept 04 feeling lost, confused, scared, sad, etc. The same as most of the newcomers here are feeling. I honestly felt I was in a bottomless pit with no way out. I loved my husband, we had two young boys (of which are now almost 7 and one is 8). I didn't believe in divorce and I didn't want my children to grow up without a father in their lives.

But....I had to do what was necessary to protect myself and my children from the life of an addict. I finally saved enough $$ (working my FT job and 2 PT jobs) and was able to divorce my now exah in May 06. Don't get me wrong, times have been troubling, financially devastating without any child support, and very stressful of working so much and trying to raise two boys on my own. Their father is entitled to visitation but no overnights and he doesn't pursue much of anything with them. My exah has lost almosteverything. However, he's got enabling parents who will bail him out until the day he dies or they die.

I've forgiven him but I still never stop fighting the child support system to get whats necessary for my boys. I figure he's got $$ for crack, he can pay the consequences of not paying child support. He's been ordered to jail for non-payment. Maybe this will be his wakeup call. Maybe not. That's on his plate and he can deal with it. "THIS TIME" I finally just let it go. I've made it this long and far without him, we'll survive.

I've got an AWESOME support system and never once have I felt like a single parent. (Ok, maybe sometimes at home in the crazy mornings or evenings but for the most part...not). I cannot tell you how grateful I am to the wonderful family and friends, co-workers, and my employer for being so caring during such a difficult time. I couldn't ask for anything better. God has blessed me in so many ways.

Fastforward to 2008...............never in a million years did I think I could be so happy and content with the life my boys and I now have. I never wanted to date anyone for fear of falling into the same "hell-hole" of addiction nor did I want someone trying to be a father to my children. I was stubborn and wanted to do it all.

I have a friend who recently divorced his alcoholic wife. He's always been around and has been like a father to my boys even before my ex and I divorced. He thinks I'm awesome, he thinks I'm a great mother and he doesn't want to see me struggle any longer. He wants to start dating and I've told him, "yes, we'll see what happens"!! He's great to me, he's wonderful to my boys and I can honestly say I've NEVER had anyone care so much about me as he does. He truly enjoys my boys and it feels right

I just want to give hope to everyone out there struggling with living with an addict. I know God has a plan for me and my family and I'm ready to live life again!!

Just wanted to share!!!

Jen
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Old 02-02-2008, 09:14 AM
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Thank you! This is exactly the kind of thing I need to hear right now!
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Old 02-02-2008, 09:22 AM
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Thank you for taking the time to share. I too needed to hear this today and your message of healing, strength, joy and hope brought a smile to my face.
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Old 02-02-2008, 11:08 AM
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Jen -

Your story made my heart sing. I am really happy for you and know how hard you have worked to get to where you are. It sounds like happiness has crept up on you and plans to stay.

I also think that it is so helpful that you came and posted this. I know that there are so many new people in so much pain and don't know how to do what you've done. It helps to hear that there is happiness even when hard decisions and steps have to be taken.

Good for you! I'm really happy for you - Donna
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Old 02-02-2008, 11:08 AM
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Jen, it's just heartwarming to hear your story. I know it wasn't easy but it sounds like you are getting to the better part of new beginnings.

Hugs to you and to those kids of yours. Your all are so very blessed.

Hugs
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Old 02-02-2008, 02:38 PM
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Thanks for sharing. I am in the first year without my stbxah. It is as exciting as it is frightening. Many more good days than bad ones, though. I'm happy for you!
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Old 02-02-2008, 02:53 PM
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JEN !!!

Oh, its SO GOOD to hear from you !!


I am so happy for you. I can just "hear" the "happiness" in your post. I'm smiling from ear to ear and I'm celebrating with you because I know how far you've come.

Yes, you are blessed...
And so are your boys.
Give them a big hug from Auntie Limb, okay? And enjoy yourself with the new man. He better be extra good to our Jen !!!

Hugs to you...
:ghug3
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Old 02-02-2008, 05:45 PM
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Jen....Thanks so much for making my day with this heartwarming post! I'm so glad you and your boys are finding the happiness you so deserve! Many hugs
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Old 02-02-2008, 05:50 PM
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Thanks so much for sharing. It is great to hear how well you are doing! That would be great if things end up working out with you and your friend.
, Vanessa
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Old 02-03-2008, 08:52 AM
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((Jen))

What a wonderful testimony to life after "our bottom", you did it girl. You made it, and came out on the other side, a better, wiser, happier person. You are an inspiration to all.

Hugs
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Old 02-03-2008, 09:22 AM
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you really sound happy & that is what life is all about. being happy & living your life instead of just being allive. i am happy you have come through all of this so well. come back & visit us again sometimes with another update on you & the boys. hugs & prayers,
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Old 02-03-2008, 10:38 AM
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Your recovery is shining!! Congrats!!
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Old 02-03-2008, 01:00 PM
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Thank you for your post...it is much needed right now! Gives me hope that it will be ok at the end of all this
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Old 02-03-2008, 04:16 PM
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ahhh Jen, I LOVE happy endings!

You, and new guy sound like a good fit.



Hugs, and happiness...
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