Developing a backbone
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 590
Developing a backbone
Ahem, I'm somewhat of a pushover at times. Something I'm working on. Just venting here really.
Today my adult son (who is an addict) who I think is recovering (never sure) asked to use my car as his is not running right. He also asked for gas money. I told him I don't want him to use my car as he lives with us so I don't believe he is insured on it without paying an extra premium for him. I think he would be covered if he were living elsewhere. Anyway it's not much of a car but it's all mine. Just got it paid off this month. So he said he would risk taking his and hope he made it. I said fine. He said he is going to look for a job. So I did give him $10 for gas and told him I wanted a receipt. I said "I love you and I don't care if you get upset but right now I can't trust that you will buy gas with it so I need a receipt." I also told him to ask his wife for any money next time.
I try to help them out but am getting tired of it. So good for me! I actually did it! Oh and also he needs to pick up his son at school to save on child care expenses. I told him he could walk as the school is close and we live in a warm climate.
It seems a bit silly to be so happy about a small step but I'm so proud of myself anyway, lol.
KariSue
Today my adult son (who is an addict) who I think is recovering (never sure) asked to use my car as his is not running right. He also asked for gas money. I told him I don't want him to use my car as he lives with us so I don't believe he is insured on it without paying an extra premium for him. I think he would be covered if he were living elsewhere. Anyway it's not much of a car but it's all mine. Just got it paid off this month. So he said he would risk taking his and hope he made it. I said fine. He said he is going to look for a job. So I did give him $10 for gas and told him I wanted a receipt. I said "I love you and I don't care if you get upset but right now I can't trust that you will buy gas with it so I need a receipt." I also told him to ask his wife for any money next time.
I try to help them out but am getting tired of it. So good for me! I actually did it! Oh and also he needs to pick up his son at school to save on child care expenses. I told him he could walk as the school is close and we live in a warm climate.
It seems a bit silly to be so happy about a small step but I'm so proud of myself anyway, lol.
KariSue
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Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
((((KariSue))))
It's not silly to be happy about standing up for yourself!!! We all start with baby steps, and each time we take one, we get a little bit stronger and ready for the next one.
Keep taking care of you!
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
It's not silly to be happy about standing up for yourself!!! We all start with baby steps, and each time we take one, we get a little bit stronger and ready for the next one.
Keep taking care of you!
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
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Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: To the North
Posts: 1,086
KariSue! Boy do I know how good (and silly) it feels when you see your own progress, little steps or not. For me, it just gives me that sense of "yes" my work is paying off and if I keep going, these "little" victories for myself are just going to keep being more and more until it's my way of life! I can't wait for that! In the meantime, take joy in your small step - you should!!!!! 
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Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 1,322
KariSue-
I also don't think it's silly at all! I feel just like you do regarding my son and his "casual" attempts at getting $5-$10 out of me. And absolutely NO to the "Can I use your car?" stuff as well..... Thanks for this "silly" post!
I also don't think it's silly at all! I feel just like you do regarding my son and his "casual" attempts at getting $5-$10 out of me. And absolutely NO to the "Can I use your car?" stuff as well..... Thanks for this "silly" post!
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Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: in my own world~
Posts: 1,237
Good for you KariSue, I'm right there with you. We have been going through cocaine here with my son. (he doesn't live with us)) and I am at my ropes end. He went through rehab and I thought he was doing so well. I am now questioning this and am thinking through detaching if he doesn't get back into the program and get a sponser. Its so sad that they can't see all the harm they are doing to their bodies and minds....Stick to your guns and maybe we can help each other out. This iste is a godsent and I love the support and people here......Hugs, Bonnie
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 590
Originally Posted by peaceteach 
KariSue-
I also don't think it's silly at all! I feel just like you do regarding my son and his "casual" attempts at getting $5-$10 out of me. And absolutely NO to the "Can I use your car?" stuff as well..... Thanks for this "silly" post!
I also don't think it's silly at all! I feel just like you do regarding my son and his "casual" attempts at getting $5-$10 out of me. And absolutely NO to the "Can I use your car?" stuff as well..... Thanks for this "silly" post!
KariSue
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 590
Originally Posted by BBD
Good for you KariSue, I'm right there with you. We have been going through cocaine here with my son. (he doesn't live with us)) and I am at my ropes end. He went through rehab and I thought he was doing so well. I am now questioning this and am thinking through detaching if he doesn't get back into the program and get a sponser. Its so sad that they can't see all the harm they are doing to their bodies and minds....Stick to your guns and maybe we can help each other out. This iste is a godsent and I love the support and people here......Hugs, Bonnie
Someone here told me that you should look for "actions" of an addict not "words" as we all know they are good liars. That helped me. Also, the 3 c's. I didn't cause it, I can't control it and I can't cure it.
Good luck to us all! We certainly don't deserve this but at least we have each other. :ghug2
KariSue
Jujubee Queen
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Port Charlotte, Florida
Posts: 3,582
KariSue,
Good for you, for setting BOUNDARIES.
I just told my oldest son the other day, when he asked why I didn't trust him, that trust is hard to come by, once you've been burned so many times.
Hugs,
Good for you, for setting BOUNDARIES.
I just told my oldest son the other day, when he asked why I didn't trust him, that trust is hard to come by, once you've been burned so many times.
Hugs,
get it, give it, grow in it
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Calif coast
Posts: 3,167
Yea for you. You are not a push-over
You have a backbone where your wishbone use to be.
It feels good to stand our ground. He may not change, but you are, so that is still a very good thing.
You have a backbone where your wishbone use to be.
It feels good to stand our ground. He may not change, but you are, so that is still a very good thing.
Amolibri
Join Date: Apr 2002
Location: NY
Posts: 36
Originally Posted by Spiritual Seeker
Yea for you. You are not a push-over
You have a backbone where your wishbone use to be.
It feels good to stand our ground. He may not change, but you are, so that is still a very good thing.
You have a backbone where your wishbone use to be.
It feels good to stand our ground. He may not change, but you are, so that is still a very good thing.
KariSue, you are awesome, and I understand the little steps!
I'm now "snapped back" to (almost) where I was 2 yrs. ago. AS is/was? using again, and now is living with me. He has been pilfering...ok stealing $$ lately and I am not tolerating it anymore! :bounce
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