I ache and I need some support
get it, give it, grow in it
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Calif coast
Posts: 3,167
I ache and I need some support
My heart aches, my emotions are heavy, I cry.
I had an awful day with my addict son yesterday, one that has severed our relationship for awhile.
I must once again let go mentally and emotionally. That is what I will be trying to do today. Watching them destroy themselves one day at a time is awful. I no longer will be watching.
I was suppose to be driving my son to rehab in a neighboring state today, but instead he bolted last night, to return to the city where he has almost died from addiction the last two times he went there. His only coping device is flight and using. He just could not choose recovery at this time.
I must get back to the story of my own life. MY child is literally a "shell "
of his former self. Once the thought of rehab set in, his using escalated and got out of control quickly. I must practice acceptance, but that is a bitter pill to swallow.
MY GOAL IS to get some serenity in the coming days.
My son was back at home the last 6 mos., gaining weight, attending to mental and physical health issues, trying to control his drinking, etc. In the last mo. as his addiction spiraled; I got caught in the vortex. I will once again pull myself through. We must practice Letting go over and over.
It doesn't get easier; but I know I will recover.
God bless our children and all who suffer from addiction !!
His last day here got messy. Regardless of all his lies, etc. I can now only take my own inventory and admit where my own mistakes are. I will do this for me.
I had an awful day with my addict son yesterday, one that has severed our relationship for awhile.
I must once again let go mentally and emotionally. That is what I will be trying to do today. Watching them destroy themselves one day at a time is awful. I no longer will be watching.
I was suppose to be driving my son to rehab in a neighboring state today, but instead he bolted last night, to return to the city where he has almost died from addiction the last two times he went there. His only coping device is flight and using. He just could not choose recovery at this time.
I must get back to the story of my own life. MY child is literally a "shell "
of his former self. Once the thought of rehab set in, his using escalated and got out of control quickly. I must practice acceptance, but that is a bitter pill to swallow.
MY GOAL IS to get some serenity in the coming days.
My son was back at home the last 6 mos., gaining weight, attending to mental and physical health issues, trying to control his drinking, etc. In the last mo. as his addiction spiraled; I got caught in the vortex. I will once again pull myself through. We must practice Letting go over and over.
It doesn't get easier; but I know I will recover.
God bless our children and all who suffer from addiction !!
His last day here got messy. Regardless of all his lies, etc. I can now only take my own inventory and admit where my own mistakes are. I will do this for me.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Wales
Posts: 523
Oh Spiritual Seeker I send you all my love and prayers. You are a strong courageous Mother and i know that through this never ending heartache called addiction you will stand tall and strong.
Cariad Mawr
Mair xx
Cariad Mawr
Mair xx
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Minneapolis, Mn. Minnesota Alligator Controll
Posts: 286
SS I send prayers for you.
One thing that helps me with my son, is that I know he is
out there writing his own story, which he will some day share in meetings.
I believe I heard one day that God watches out for drunks & little children.
God bless you, and take care.:ghug3
One thing that helps me with my son, is that I know he is
out there writing his own story, which he will some day share in meetings.
I believe I heard one day that God watches out for drunks & little children.
God bless you, and take care.:ghug3
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Between the ocean and the mountains
Posts: 653
i'm so sorry, spiritual.
sometimes it helps me to go to the step-support board for recovering addicts and read their stories. i think our thoughts have some energy that can help the addict we love. so if we read stories of recovery that move us, maybe our heart connection to the addict will help create change.
i am so sorry for your tears. his story is unfolding...don't let go your vision for his coming chapters in life.
sometimes it helps me to go to the step-support board for recovering addicts and read their stories. i think our thoughts have some energy that can help the addict we love. so if we read stories of recovery that move us, maybe our heart connection to the addict will help create change.
i am so sorry for your tears. his story is unfolding...don't let go your vision for his coming chapters in life.
get it, give it, grow in it
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Calif coast
Posts: 3,167
I haven't saved my son yet, but I saved someone else's son
The saga continues. Yesterday, my son kept telling me he was going to rehab when in reality he and his friend were waiting for a ride (they hooked up with on Craig's list) to take them to San Francisco. I found the # of this person offering this ride and called her and made up a story why it was unsafe to pick them up. She never came due to that. While my son is mad as hell and now has a resentment to never speak to me again, his friend just called me and made amends for lieing to me and thanked me because he went home to his parents and has agreed to go to treatment.
Today I was feeling uneasy for maybe crossing into the fray of my son's addiction by trying to manipulate an outcome, but it has changed the course of his friend's life. I no longer feel uneasy, even if my son's disease turns this into another resentment to alienate from me and justify his drinking.
Today I was feeling uneasy for maybe crossing into the fray of my son's addiction by trying to manipulate an outcome, but it has changed the course of his friend's life. I no longer feel uneasy, even if my son's disease turns this into another resentment to alienate from me and justify his drinking.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Well...
I think that was a wise move.
Heck! it is dangerous to give a ride
to 2 strangers
Perhaps the girl will no longer put herself
into harms way.
You just might have saved her
I think that was a wise move.
Heck! it is dangerous to give a ride
to 2 strangers
Perhaps the girl will no longer put herself
into harms way.
You just might have saved her
Member
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Starting over all over again
Posts: 4,426
Hello there Spiritual Seeker 
I am deeply sorry for your pain, and for the terrible disease that is harming your son. I see that the ways of the HP are truly deep and misterious. You are right in that good did come from your actions, and I am glad that you can take comfort in that. Know that you and your son are in my prayers every day.
Mike
I am deeply sorry for your pain, and for the terrible disease that is harming your son. I see that the ways of the HP are truly deep and misterious. You are right in that good did come from your actions, and I am glad that you can take comfort in that. Know that you and your son are in my prayers every day.
Mike
Member
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Sunshine State
Posts: 410
Originally Posted by Spiritual Seeker 
My heart aches, my emotions are heavy, I cry.
I had an awful day with my addict son yesterday, one that has severed our relationship for awhile.
I must once again let go mentally and emotionally. That is what I will be trying to do today. Watching them destroy themselves one day at a time is awful. I no longer will be watching.
I was suppose to be driving my son to rehab in a neighboring state today, but instead he bolted last night, to return to the city where he has almost died from addiction the last two times he went there. His only coping device is flight and using. He just could not choose recovery at this time.
I must get back to the story of my own life. MY child is literally a "shell "
of his former self. Once the thought of rehab set in, his using escalated and got out of control quickly. I must practice acceptance, but that is a bitter pill to swallow.
MY GOAL IS to get some serenity in the coming days.
My son was back at home the last 6 mos., gaining weight, attending to mental and physical health issues, trying to control his drinking, etc. In the last mo. as his addiction spiraled; I got caught in the vortex. I will once again pull myself through. We must practice Letting go over and over.
It doesn't get easier; but I know I will recover.
God bless our children and all who suffer from addiction !!
His last day here got messy. Regardless of all his lies, etc. I can now only take my own inventory and admit where my own mistakes are. I will do this for me.
I had an awful day with my addict son yesterday, one that has severed our relationship for awhile.
I must once again let go mentally and emotionally. That is what I will be trying to do today. Watching them destroy themselves one day at a time is awful. I no longer will be watching.
I was suppose to be driving my son to rehab in a neighboring state today, but instead he bolted last night, to return to the city where he has almost died from addiction the last two times he went there. His only coping device is flight and using. He just could not choose recovery at this time.
I must get back to the story of my own life. MY child is literally a "shell "
of his former self. Once the thought of rehab set in, his using escalated and got out of control quickly. I must practice acceptance, but that is a bitter pill to swallow.
MY GOAL IS to get some serenity in the coming days.
My son was back at home the last 6 mos., gaining weight, attending to mental and physical health issues, trying to control his drinking, etc. In the last mo. as his addiction spiraled; I got caught in the vortex. I will once again pull myself through. We must practice Letting go over and over.
It doesn't get easier; but I know I will recover.
God bless our children and all who suffer from addiction !!
His last day here got messy. Regardless of all his lies, etc. I can now only take my own inventory and admit where my own mistakes are. I will do this for me.
My Mom & I could have written your post many times. My heart goes out to you, (((Seeker))). I just want to interject some hope here, relapse is a fact of life, for the addict. None of know what the future may hold, we can brace ourselves for the worst, but there is always a little hope. Praying for you & him today...
get it, give it, grow in it
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Calif coast
Posts: 3,167
The compassion, wisdom and support I have received means the world. Thank you !
Yesterday, I just had to spend the day weeping. Today I feel good, I see the good in my life and I know that I will be okay no matter what my son is doing.
The weight of trying to manage him and his addiction/mental health was heavy and I am releasing much of that weight for now. Of course, being here, seeing a therapist, talking to my alanon "sister" and going for a massage helps the process. My husband has been awesome too. Really, I see many blessings today. The power of group prayer is working for me. I feel it.
Yesterday, I just had to spend the day weeping. Today I feel good, I see the good in my life and I know that I will be okay no matter what my son is doing.
The weight of trying to manage him and his addiction/mental health was heavy and I am releasing much of that weight for now. Of course, being here, seeing a therapist, talking to my alanon "sister" and going for a massage helps the process. My husband has been awesome too. Really, I see many blessings today. The power of group prayer is working for me. I feel it.
CindeRella is proof that a new pair of shoes can change your life!
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Spreading my wings
Posts: 7,163
SS prayers to you while you are going through this-be gentle with yourself-I'm glad to hear you are felling good today!Yes you will be ok....
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