For the ladies. . .
Let me grow up.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Lake Charles, LA
Posts: 201
For the ladies. . .
Girls, let me present you with a "hypothetical" sitiuation...
Let's say that your BF or hell even your husband finds himself in a situation where he's out on the streets. And you unfortunately have some bizarre reason why you can't provide him shelter so he opts to ask his ex (GF or wife) if he can stay with her because she has a spare bedroom. She of course eagerly agrees. Now, because you are utterly devoted to this man and are deeply in love with him, you someone how find the strength to stomach letting him stay with her.
Although you realize he has another less tempting option to choose from like living with a relative (to which he out right refuses to do without providing explanation) you still manage to find it in your heart to trust him and tolerate the situation but you call him at least 3 times a day because it's bad enough you're letting him stay with her, you damn sure don't want to neglect staying on top off his butt and staying in the fore front of his mind.
Now here's the kicker, she tells him that she doesn't like that he's always on the phone with you and though she hasn't blatantly threatened to kick him out if he continues to take your calls; he presumes to pass along her message to you to stop calling him because she's uncomfortable with it. So now you can't call him and of course you and his ex are profound enemies so you're not going over there to see him. She's documented to be a violent and unstable woman.
I ask you ladies, how much patience would you have for this situation?
You can't be totally upset with her because it's just as much his fault as it is hers and you have spoken your obvious displeasure about his arrangement but you realize you're in no position to fix things either. He doesn't seem to care that it upsets you so much he's staying with her because he feels he has no other choice.
Can you blame him? Now what? Have fun with this one. . .I'm really interested in your opinions
Let's say that your BF or hell even your husband finds himself in a situation where he's out on the streets. And you unfortunately have some bizarre reason why you can't provide him shelter so he opts to ask his ex (GF or wife) if he can stay with her because she has a spare bedroom. She of course eagerly agrees. Now, because you are utterly devoted to this man and are deeply in love with him, you someone how find the strength to stomach letting him stay with her.
Although you realize he has another less tempting option to choose from like living with a relative (to which he out right refuses to do without providing explanation) you still manage to find it in your heart to trust him and tolerate the situation but you call him at least 3 times a day because it's bad enough you're letting him stay with her, you damn sure don't want to neglect staying on top off his butt and staying in the fore front of his mind.
Now here's the kicker, she tells him that she doesn't like that he's always on the phone with you and though she hasn't blatantly threatened to kick him out if he continues to take your calls; he presumes to pass along her message to you to stop calling him because she's uncomfortable with it. So now you can't call him and of course you and his ex are profound enemies so you're not going over there to see him. She's documented to be a violent and unstable woman.
I ask you ladies, how much patience would you have for this situation?
You can't be totally upset with her because it's just as much his fault as it is hers and you have spoken your obvious displeasure about his arrangement but you realize you're in no position to fix things either. He doesn't seem to care that it upsets you so much he's staying with her because he feels he has no other choice.
Can you blame him? Now what? Have fun with this one. . .I'm really interested in your opinions
Last edited by newblue82; 01-30-2008 at 04:56 PM. Reason: grammar
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 177
If you want total honesty on my part, and I mean complete honesty. The minute he even thought of the idea of staying at his ex's the relationship would be over, no matter how much I loved him. That is a deal breaker for me. Any semblance of cheating is a deal breaker in my book.
Sorry I am so blunt. That is just my take on it. Others may think differently.
Nikki
Sorry I am so blunt. That is just my take on it. Others may think differently.
Nikki
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
My thoughts are that you are worth so much better than any of this.
He has better choices, he just prefers not to take them. He likes this arrangement and isn't bothered that you don't.
Sweetie, life is short, you have choices too and I really hope that you make the choice to be happy and live well.
Just my thoughts, for what they're worth.
Hugs
He has better choices, he just prefers not to take them. He likes this arrangement and isn't bothered that you don't.
Sweetie, life is short, you have choices too and I really hope that you make the choice to be happy and live well.
Just my thoughts, for what they're worth.
Hugs
Southern through and through
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: In.....trouble :-)
Posts: 1,453
I'd be asking myself these questions:
1. Why am I totally devoted to a man who chooses to go live with an ex when he could stay with relative or someone else?
2. Why am I worred about deciding can I "blame him" when he has absolutely no regard for how this arrangment is affecting my feelings?
It's pretty obvious he's an adult and he's choosing where he wants to stay.
You said for us to "have fun" with this one. I'm pretty sure you're not having one bit of fun with this situation.
I know I lived in denial for a long time re my addicted daughter. I just didn't want to see what was really happening. Denial is a tricky thing. Heard a saying one time that I love. Goes like this: "You can stick you head in the sand, but Satan will just attack your butt."
Just my 2 cents worth.
Hugs,
Hangin' In
1. Why am I totally devoted to a man who chooses to go live with an ex when he could stay with relative or someone else?
2. Why am I worred about deciding can I "blame him" when he has absolutely no regard for how this arrangment is affecting my feelings?
It's pretty obvious he's an adult and he's choosing where he wants to stay.
You said for us to "have fun" with this one. I'm pretty sure you're not having one bit of fun with this situation.
I know I lived in denial for a long time re my addicted daughter. I just didn't want to see what was really happening. Denial is a tricky thing. Heard a saying one time that I love. Goes like this: "You can stick you head in the sand, but Satan will just attack your butt."
Just my 2 cents worth.
Hugs,
Hangin' In
Let me grow up.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Lake Charles, LA
Posts: 201
lmao... Thanks ladies! I appreciate your prompt responses and quite frankly, I already knew I'd be a fool if I didn't dump him. That is, I've already dumped him. I guess with time I just started 2nd guessing myself but now that I see my board of directors has entered a unanimous vote on the issue I feel much better. By all means, if any one else would like to share their opinion please do so Thanks again!
Thanks again!
Member
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 1,691
yep - I have to go with the consensus. Doesn't sound like a good situation to me. If he is making that type of poor a** decisions I might try to stay off of the phone in the hopes that he might forget me and be gone for good. Let someone else worry about his crazy ways.
Living in a Pinkful Place
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 7,545
hey newblue82 - I'm from LakeCharles too!!!
My new friend what I have learned on this journey of recovery is that everyone has choices - he has choices and so do you - you have the right to make this choice about YOU and what is best for YOU.
No matter how much we love them - it is ok to love ourselves more and do what is the most Healthy choice for our lives.
So my suggestion would be forget whether it is right, wrong, good or bad whether you have a right to be angry or not - what do you want in your life? Do you want to be in a relationship with someone who continues to allow his choices and his disease to take priority of you and ya'll's life together?
Only you can answer that question?
Wishing You Serenity & Joy,
Rita
My new friend what I have learned on this journey of recovery is that everyone has choices - he has choices and so do you - you have the right to make this choice about YOU and what is best for YOU.
No matter how much we love them - it is ok to love ourselves more and do what is the most Healthy choice for our lives.
So my suggestion would be forget whether it is right, wrong, good or bad whether you have a right to be angry or not - what do you want in your life? Do you want to be in a relationship with someone who continues to allow his choices and his disease to take priority of you and ya'll's life together?
Only you can answer that question?
Wishing You Serenity & Joy,
Rita
Let me grow up.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Lake Charles, LA
Posts: 201
Anvilhead, he was living with his uncle. He's been unemployed for over a year with chronic back problems. He's applied for disability. Anyway, his uncle was recently evicted and has found himself a new place to which my ex-BF was not invited. So he claimed that living with his ex was his only option. I find that both highly unlikely and inexcusable.
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