bwgaede

Anyone can throw their two cents in. What is it like to marry someone who is in recovery (less than a year). I was involved with a gal who said she wanted to get married and have my kids but now is doing her AA. I give her credit though she is taking it very serious. We are no longer together, she still has feelings for me but.... I am not going to sit here and let her say things about how she wants me back to me, then back off after she gets stressed out.

Or someone who has been sober for years.

Just asking any info is great!

Brad

FormerDoormat

I never married my AB, but he was my partner for 25 years, so it felt like a marriage. Anyway, my boyfriend was in NO shape to be an equal partner to me when he was drunk and in no better shape when he was in early recovery.

I found life with an alcoholic to be less than I deserved at best and excruciatingly painful at worst. Perhaps a better question to ask is why am I considering short changing myself?

I'm sorry your post was overlooked yesterday. I'm sure other folks will stop by shortly and share their thoughts.

Welcome to the forum.

Barbara52

After having been thru a marriage to an alcoholic and reading so many stories in here, I can say I will never get involved with another active alcoholic and probably never with one in recovery. Even if the guy had been in recovery a long time, for me the risk of him slipping back into active alcoholism would be too great for me to consider. I know there are plenty of men out there who don't have addiction issues that I do not need to take onthat risk. Certainly I would not get involved with an A who had been in recovery for a short period of time. Way to much risk of relapse into active alcoholism. Especially if I were young and wanted a family, there is absolutely no way. I wouldn't put my kids thru all that.

Peaches1_99

I can tell you that I have had two long term relationships with A's. Both of my husbands (my ex and my current) are alcholics. I was very young (17) when I married the first and tried very hard to keep the marriage together after we had 2 children together. But eventually it got to be too much and we divorced.

I jumped from the pan into the fire with the second husband and have been married to him since I was 24 (I am now almost 33). The life struggles that you undergo with children and a marriage are only multiplied by what seems 1,000 times when your spouse is an active alcoholic.

My current spouse has had spells of "recovery" that have lasted for 4-5 days to 4 months. But, he always falls off the wagon. He fell tonight after having 13 days. He fell right before Christmas with 60 days. I must caution you that the first year is time for them to focus on themselves and learning to be themselves w/o alcohol. They are not in any position to take on a relationship. IMHO.

God Bless.

geees poncho

Real words of wisdom from FD, B52,& P1_99.
I'v been sober 22+ yrs. and if you think a practicing alkie is tough,
A newly sober one is NUTZ!!! give her a wide space shes gonna need it.

BohemiMamaof3

Good words from those who've "been there".
Welcome to the forum, Bwgaede.

hope2bhappy

If you enjoy your own company, then go ahead. However, if your happiness depends on another, I would not recommend it. Active, or recovering... you will have a lot of "alone" time.

Rella927

Great words above!

I just wanted to add Welcome to SR! Bwg

I grew up with A parents and siblings. Also dated a few A's and IMHO unless they are in recovery for more than a year becoming involved will be a challenge which I would not take-Just my honest opinion.

There are great A's out there and in this forum that I believe will tell you the same.

Blessings to you Glad that you are here!

daisies

I would have to agree with gees poncho who said that a newly sober one is NUTZ. My AH has been sober (okay not drinking but not working a program) for 5 months and he is absolutely NUTZ. He is a lunatic. There are times I wish that he was drinking. Active, sober or "white knuckling" it, it isnt for me. I cannot handle the craziness of it. We are divorcing.

hbb

hi Brad, i too said the very same words about maybe it would have been better if my ex had a drink (i know that's not the answer at all). He was miserable and also white knuckling it. The beginning and until we split was agonizing for both of us. Glad your posting, the information above me is invaluable.

SerenitySeaker

Brad, I can tell you living with a raving lunatic is no fun. You will spend your life walking on egg shells and accepting scraps of affection and calling it a relationship. It is ten times worse when you have children or are legally bound to the person.

Take a look around and see if there are any red flags flying. When I met my husband they were everywhere and despite being an intelligent woman I just admired their hue instead of heeding their warning, and I have truthfuly suffered every day since.

Please think long and hard, be careful and good luck.

bwgaede

I can not begin to tell all of you how much your support means to me!!! This has been very hard for me, being that I am only 23, glad it happened now. I feel like I have been slapped in the face after all the support I offered, and trying to be there for her. I do not deserve to be push off the face of the earth. Its like the last 2 1/2 years were a waste of time. This is why I feel like its personal, she tells me its not but........

I have given her space, I do not try to contact her, if she wants to talk she knows where to find me!

YOU DONT KNOW WHAT YOU GOT TILL ITS GONE: leave that with her.

God bless all
Brad

splendra

((((Brad))))

I am glad that you are giving her lots of space. There is too many fish in the sea to get hooked up with one who has these issues.

I would like to suggest that you look at yourself and try to discover why you would choose someone with these kinds of issues cause until you do you look at yourself you may find that you keep falling back into relationships like this. I would hate that for you...

Growing

Thank you so much for sharing brad...I know I kinda wondered what your "story" was.

Sometimes we just need permission to move on. I know I get a large sense of validation from SR and these forums.

I just read your previous threads and now I am up to speed...Hang in there and keep posting here!