tommysi

I am new here and just wanted to say I have been looking through the forums and your site offers great encouragement....this may possibly be what I need in my life. I have been struggling with addiction for the past 8 years and as you all know, it has been tough. I am not sure where I should be posting this but I figured here would be a good place to start. My problem is with opiates. I am actually going on my 4th day without them and it is hard. I go to bed and cannot sleep (hence why I am leaving this post at approx. 4 am.). I just think coming here and be able to feel the energy and experience every one has gone through will be of great help. I am not feeling so alone any more and am glad to be able to let this all out!! I would like to setup a day to day journal but am not sure how to go about it. Thank you and I appreciate any help I can get.

nandm

Welcome to SR!

nodrinkingzone

Welcome to SR!

Glad you've had a look around, it's a good place and there are lots of other folk in the same boat as you, Tommysi - nice to meet you.

Keep reading, and if you'd like to why not make this your day to day journal? You can also set up a personal blog, but if you post here then we can all answer questions you may have as your sober time increases.

Keep straight one day at a time, and you'll get there!

ndz

tommysi

Thanks NDZ and Nandm for the support. I think that I will use this as my "journal". Let me tell you, it has been rough. I have been using OC 80's, as much as 6 a day for a while. Then I would stop, be sick, and go back. I have got it down to the point of 100 mg a day and now none at all. I have stopped because I have recently got a new job and did not know if I would have a drug screen....stupid reason but at least it got me to take action. I have been fighting this on my own; the only one who knows is my girlfriend. My family has no idea. I do not want my life to be run by these tiny little pills...it just seems that every thing I have been escaping from while using, all comes back ten-fold. Now I have something like 8 years worth of problems at my door. Staying sober seems to be the answer though. It is hard when people offer substance or put it in my face, but the high is no match for the feeling (after a sleepless night) knowing that I chose NOT to use. Sobriety, although hard, is a better "high". Then again, nothing worth having ever came easy.

nandm

Very true. I have found that I can look back and know that my worst day sober is still better than my best day drunk. It did take me a while to truly feel that way and there have been bumps in the road of life.

Missymae737

Welcome to SR...

Keep posting, we are glad you found us!!:ghug3

dave47

Welcome Tommysi, this was the first Recovery site i had looked at when i joined. I have checked out a few others since and they don't come close so you have made a good choice. There are plenty here to offer you support and advice, best wishes.

tommysi

Thank all of you guys for the warm welcome. I will keep on posting. I hope all is well for everyone. Today will be yet another tough day. It is day 4 of my sobriety, and I have all this week off. I start my new job on monday. So far this week has gone by so slow (due to the fact that I have not been able to sleep). I think the sleeping part is the worst of the WD for me. My whole body aches but I contribute that to starting back at the gym.....I can not lie, the cravings are something fierce. I have some meds but I am not going to take them!! Maybe I will flush them, along with my stomach contents (which has been happening more often then not). My family believes I have the flu. It is hard to cover up. I lay in bed at night in tears. The pain is constant. Not to mention that half of my family has had small surgeries, so the oxycodone is plentiful. But I refuse to make that leap again. I actually feel really good when I write these posts so I probably will start producing novels soon!! Sorry for that!! It really does help though. Thank you all!!

Rowan

Hi Tommy,

Welcome - I'm glad you're here. Do you have a trusted doctor you can confide in? After years of abuse, it's a good idea to get a clean bill of health and also to ensure you aren't in any danger detoxing on your own. I suggest flushing those meds and getting honest with your family, so that they will keep their own oxy's under lock and key. Right now you have sufficient motivation to quit (i.e. new job) but once that is secured, the voice of the addict will likely start speaking to you again. Be very careful!

tommysi

I really don't have a good doctor. I am from a small town with a big mouth. I do have a clean bill of health. I would always get clean, get checked, and then back at it. I have been trying to find an easy way to tell them, just have not come up with it yet. I feel like the biggest disappointment to all of them. It is tough to go it alone. My girlfriend knows and tries to help but doesn't fully understand. She never used. Actually, my ex of 6 years is an addict who up and moved to San Diego with my cousin who is also an addict so they could have easy access to Mexico. (sorry for the tangent!) I have friends who are all addicts so I have to avoid mixing with them. I have also recently bought a home and am trying to start my new life off right. I do not want to be put on methadone or suboxone and replace one with another. That is one of my fears.

Rowan

Yeah I would feel the same re getting on meth or suboxone - I've seen too many lives screwed up on them.
The thing is, without sufficient motivation to stay clean, it can be really difficult. Especially so when we are trying to do it all on our own.
I think it's a good idea to avoid mixing with your friends right now. Are you open to attending NA?

Goodnfast

Welcome to SR!

Rowan said it right...try to seek out a doctor. They have non-narcotic meds to make it a lot easier going through the detox and will make sure you stay healthy during the ordeal. I was hooked on oxycodone and morphine for almost a year and went to my doc on my 4th day of recovery. That was in April and it's been very easy for me to stay away from the drugs.

Rella927

Welcome Tommy! Glad that you found us! Please know that you are not alone in this-SR is open 24 hours a day-

There are a lot of people here that will share their ESH with you (Experience, Strength & Hope) Keep posting!

Congrats on 4 days-that is HUGE! Have you checked into any NA meetings in your area? Maybe giving that a try would be another great step forward!

tommysi

Thank you all for the support. I really don't want help with this hell (detox). It just shows me how bad this is and detours me from wanting to use again and have to go through this. I have never really detoxed like this before and it is horrible. It just teaches me a valuable lesson. Meetings are something I would be interested in though.

Rowan

Massachusetts Narcotics Anonymous Meetings

This link will give you meeting times and locations for MA.

BTW I have relapsed more than once on my journey and swore I would never use/drink again to avoid the horrible withdrawals. I was wrong.

tommysi

I will go, thank you for the link. I would also like to have a sponsor. I know it sounds funny, but since you guys are really the only people who know what I am going through, I feel like I already know you. I do not want to let you guys down either; that, to me, is a big help.

Rowan

We are like family here, Tommy. I'm glad that you feel comfortable here.

We are here to support one another!

tommysi

As far as today goes, I must fix my car (overheating and warranty up). It seems that every time I start a new career, my car begins to over-heat. Strange but true. Are there sponsors available on this board?? Then again, you are all sponsors!!

tanyapmc

Welcome to SR Tommysi. I am glad you found us. Please keep posting.

Jomey

Hi Tommy - Welcome to SR! Glad you are here with us! My drug of choice was alcohol, so I am just going to jump in with the rest of the wise posters here and suggest trying to find a doctor for a good check up. And, yes, keep in touch here..we all do support each other as best as we can...it's more than I could have ever hoped for! Will look forward to hearing more from you. Jomey