SoberAndy

I'm wondering how essential it is for a 19 year old girl to go to a single-sex rehab. My 19 year old step-daughter is in a very good women's only residential rehab, but has one big problem. It has strict rules against smoking at the main building from 9AM to 3PM everyday but she keeps doing it! It got so bad that they kicked her out, but took her back two days later. When she went back, I was afraid this would happen again.

Any rule-breaking is bad. A big part of rehab is learning to obey rules since addicts have very poor judgement when it comes to breaking rules. But of all the rules she could break, this bothers me the least since it would not be a problem in most rehabs.

The question is, if she gets booted again, where should we send her? Rehab is doing her a lot of good and she really wants to stay long-term. She's already been in the one other women's only rehab in the area. It is an option, but had some drawbacks. She didn't like that it was too oriented toward women with children.

There are a number of co-ed rehabs in the area, but is it wise to send a boy-crazy 19 year old to one? Her first boyfriend led her into heroin in the first place.


P.S. I started a thread before, but somehow it didn't get posted. I don't know why. I hope this does not end up as a duplicate.

Fluffhead85

I am 22 now and I first went to rehab when I was 19 (relapsed started the methadone clinic, quit, relapsed, two years later... Clean for 3 months), anyway I went to a co-ed place. And I am somewhat boy crazy myself. I didn't necessarily meet anyone there that led me a-stray but I definately did not focus completely on the entire issue of why I was there in the first place. I suppose I played it safe and acted the way I was suppose to and said the things I thought that I should, so I could get out easily and begin using again. I would personally not reccomend allowing your daughter to go to a co-ed facility. She needs to focus, and sometimes the oppisite sex makes one stray away from that focus.

BohemiMamaof3

Hi SoberAndy,
I'm not in your shoes, but just from reading your post I'm thinking a women's only facility is probably better for her right now. jmho.

sojourner

Hmm, let me see... one rehab she found fault with because of this, another rehab she found fault with because of that and so justifies breaking the rules over and over.... but yet she says she wants to be in rehab...

Stepdad, methinks you are making excuses for this addict. If she wanted recovery, you wouldn't see this kind of fault-finding on her part. I'm curious, where does she know she will be able to go if she gets kicked out of rehab and does not go to another one?

Barbara52

I also question her committment to rehab if she cannot follow the rules. Rules are rules and liking them is not suppoed to be a factor in whether the facility is good. If she is going to get tossed out again , where is her committment?

I would go with same sex rehab though.

reader

Hi Andy, I might suggest that she needs to find an alternative to smoking. Gum or hard candy even a mint flavored tooth pick would help her refrain from wanting to smoke. Following the rules are so important and she will need to apply this to her everyday life. This is a lesson she must learn, you can make a suggestion but beyond that it is on her. Like my mom use to say she needs to take her lumps.

justanothrdrunk

IMO same gender/segregated is the only way to go at any age.

sojourner

ccc

jfk45

Well I would take her to one where they can smoke, trying to get off cigarettes the same time as something else has got to be difficult. 6 hours is a long time to go w/out a cigarette it can be torture. I know people who have just signed themselves out to have a cigarette.

justjo

Its a hard one. My first reaction was women only rehab but from experience my sister said that when she did that it was horrifying for her because of all the b..chy stuff that went on. It was hard for her to relate to some women because of different backgrounds too. She also has been in a share gender rehab too and every time she meets someone who of course, listens and cares about her (and of course understands her).
Its difficult to find the perfect rehab because there isnt one. I think at the end of the day if the commitment is there to recover the rest shouldnt come into it. My sister would find every excuse to leave and she is still addicted. As far as smoking goes, ok not good, but you cant expect her to take on too much. Just my opinion ! Good Luck

splashylanding

i'd like to know what has happened so far? did she learn to play by the rules?