fluffyflea

Hi All,

I posted about a week ago about an ad I put on a singles dating site.

I was contacted by someone who is also in A.a because I had incorporated A.A lingo into my profile.

Anyways.............the man in question is in Texas and he lives in New Hampshire in the summer months. Both places where he lives are faaaaaaar from me and I was very specific in my profile TO MEET SOMEONE IN MY AREA.

So we e-mailed back and forth a few times talking A.A stuff, then he wants my phone number. And I don't feel comfortable giving him my phone at this time if anytime. Plus the fact after the second e-mail he;s telling me that when he sees my name on his e-mail list it brings a smile to his face I'm thinking.......red flag?

anyway back to the phone number, saturday I said no I didn't want to give it to him. AAANNNNNNDDDD haven't heard from him since.............

So good to know now I say. Who needs the pressure.

Bye for now

Ngaire

Lilyflower

Mmmmmm, yes sounds like a big red flag person to me. I'd be worried if anyone got happy at the sight of my name after exchanging a few emails. I think you were spot on.

Probably for the best that you haven't heard back from them!

Lily xxxxxxxxxxxx

LaTeeDa

I was on one dating site for about 3 months, then switched to another for about a month. I have to tell you that over that amount of time, I had literally hundreds of men contact me. Most I politely responded to with a "thanks, but no thanks" email after seeing that they didn't match what I was looking for. Some were so far off the mark, or so rude in their initial contact, that I didn't even respond at all. Out of all that, I probably exchanged emails (more than one) with less than ten of them. Out of those, only two got my phone number, and I eventually met both of them in person. The first one turned out to be a walking display of red flags and I stopped seeing him after 3 or 4 dates. (Yeah, I know, but I learned a lot about myself and how easy it is for me to minimize in the process. ) The second one I am still seeing and have been for 8 or 9 months.

Oh, and BTW, the first guy admitted to me that he just went down his list of potential matches and sent a generic email to all of them. Took the shotgun approach by emailing 80 or so women just to see who would respond. I guess I had "sucker" painted on my forehead. That is probably why it seems that they are not reading your profile--they aren't. Don't waste your time.

Also, I'm curious why you would put references to AA in your profile. Are you looking to attract alcoholics?

L

fluffyflea

"Recovering" Alcoholics, not active ones.

I was more interested in people actually in A.A and possibly recovering as on my profile it says drinkers and smokers need not apply.

Anyways this is an interesting experience to say the least.

ngaire

karmakoma

Bit puzzled why you were emailing with a guy who didn't fit your criteria.

But yes, boundaries are crucial on dating websites and are really revealing in their power.

Miss Pink

Profiles arent set in stone,,,,,if you arent flexible you could miss out on meeting a great person.

CatsPajamas

Ngaire,

I could write a BOOK on the adventures of online dating. In fact, I have been collecting stories because so many are so outrageously funny!

I have tried the online dating. The man I have dated off and on for the past year is someone I met online. He's about the ONLY "normal" one. Every other one has been a recovering addict or alcoholic. And me? I don't have one BIT of recovery info on my profile.

It just goes to prove my theory - if there is an A in a room of 500 people I will find him and strike up a conversation with him within about 20 min of entering the room. My angel sponsor often told me that I had one half of the velcro and some A's had the other half!

The casual nature of online chatting and dating has taught me more about myself and my boundaries. I am very careful about what personal data I give out online... and I don't expect that the people I chat with to always tell me the truth.

Good luck, Ngaire. Every day is another chance for growth!

Hugs
Cats

fluffyflea

I know but I've done the guy who lived far away...........I did all the traveling.

Ngaire

fluffyflea

I'm e-mailing as a fellow A.Aer not as a romantic interest. Guess he doesn't see it like that.

Ngaire

fluffyflea

Hi Cat,

Actually this person knows people I know in the program even though there is a great distance between us where we live. So I know he's telling me the truth. It's a small world out there apparently.

Anyways it doesn't matter, he obviously doesn't see it like I do and I just have to be true to mylself. If I'm not comfortable giving out my number after two e-mails then I have to respect myself.

Respecting myself with men is new to me that is why I was sharing this.

Ngaire