Pushed everyone away, realised I have a problem.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2008
Posts: 4
Pushed everyone away, realised I have a problem.
Well today I have admitted I have a problem with alcohol it has taken a lots of things to make me realise this.
I get violent when I drink and often end up fighting or arguing with friends or anyone for small things.
Most recently on Saturday I had a fight with my cousin at my sisters engagement party and his father who is my mothers brother. My other uncle tried to split up the fight and I punched him in the face and broke his glasses, something which I feel really bad about.
The cousin live a few hundred miles away so does his immediate family and they had drove down for the party, I still live with my mother who now refuses to speak to me (she is a closet alcoholic as is most of her family; one of her brothers and her father died of alcohol related diseases).
She said that my cousin wont be coming back and that I have bit part of his thumb off. My sister who saw all this happen said his dad should have separated us instead of getting going berserk and getting involved as it made things worse. I do feel really bad about hitting my other uncle but he was trying to restrain me while people were hitting me. I ended up getting arrested and released without charge fortunately.
Oh well that's the long and short of my most recent drinking shambles, I'm a nice person it just seems time and time again I'm apologising for my behaviour and making excuses for myself.
At one time or another I have hurt everyone I know practically by saying nasty things when I'm drunk, sometimes because I know it would hurt them.
I'm not sure I'm an alcoholic as I do not need a drink when I wake up but I really like a beer, I just don't know when to stop. Hopefully someone can relate or offer some advice because I'm not really sure where to go from here I just don't want to go on been a violent drunken fool who keeps upsetting people and acting like a idiot.
I get violent when I drink and often end up fighting or arguing with friends or anyone for small things.
Most recently on Saturday I had a fight with my cousin at my sisters engagement party and his father who is my mothers brother. My other uncle tried to split up the fight and I punched him in the face and broke his glasses, something which I feel really bad about.
The cousin live a few hundred miles away so does his immediate family and they had drove down for the party, I still live with my mother who now refuses to speak to me (she is a closet alcoholic as is most of her family; one of her brothers and her father died of alcohol related diseases).
She said that my cousin wont be coming back and that I have bit part of his thumb off. My sister who saw all this happen said his dad should have separated us instead of getting going berserk and getting involved as it made things worse. I do feel really bad about hitting my other uncle but he was trying to restrain me while people were hitting me. I ended up getting arrested and released without charge fortunately.
Oh well that's the long and short of my most recent drinking shambles, I'm a nice person it just seems time and time again I'm apologising for my behaviour and making excuses for myself.
At one time or another I have hurt everyone I know practically by saying nasty things when I'm drunk, sometimes because I know it would hurt them.
I'm not sure I'm an alcoholic as I do not need a drink when I wake up but I really like a beer, I just don't know when to stop. Hopefully someone can relate or offer some advice because I'm not really sure where to go from here I just don't want to go on been a violent drunken fool who keeps upsetting people and acting like a idiot.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: UK
Posts: 280
Welcome Michael 
I think you'll find many people here that totally relate to your situation. You are in the right place with SR - the members here have helped me no end and thousands others.
I'm on Day 6 sober and couldn't do it without this lot.
Keep cool and take care babe!!
M xx
I think you'll find many people here that totally relate to your situation. You are in the right place with SR - the members here have helped me no end and thousands others.
I'm on Day 6 sober and couldn't do it without this lot.
Keep cool and take care babe!!
M xx
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,499
Hi and Welcome,
If you don't know when to stop drinking, once you've started, chances are you are an alcoholic. But, only you can make that decision yourself. It sounds like alcohol is causing a lot of problems in your life. Addiction is a disease that isolates people. When I was drinking, my life became smaller and smaller until I was on my own.
Do you want to stop drinking? If so, there is lots of support here.
If you don't know when to stop drinking, once you've started, chances are you are an alcoholic. But, only you can make that decision yourself. It sounds like alcohol is causing a lot of problems in your life. Addiction is a disease that isolates people. When I was drinking, my life became smaller and smaller until I was on my own.
Do you want to stop drinking? If so, there is lots of support here.
Don't get undies in a bunch
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: South Shore MA
Posts: 7,120
The solution I found to my problem...
Add alcohol and you get instant A.. ....
So by stopping the intake of alcohol, I stopped becoming as big of an instant A..
One of the best ways to gather support and answers would be at AA meetings.
We don't need to be dependant upon alcohol for it to be a problem we don't have control over. One beer is to many and 100 beers are not enough. I never had a beer for breakfast but there were a few times I stopped drinking the beer from the night before so I could eat breakfast. The problem doesn't get better with time untill we seek solutions and find a better way. Meetings help us find that better way.
Add alcohol and you get instant A.. ....
So by stopping the intake of alcohol, I stopped becoming as big of an instant A..
One of the best ways to gather support and answers would be at AA meetings.
We don't need to be dependant upon alcohol for it to be a problem we don't have control over. One beer is to many and 100 beers are not enough. I never had a beer for breakfast but there were a few times I stopped drinking the beer from the night before so I could eat breakfast. The problem doesn't get better with time untill we seek solutions and find a better way. Meetings help us find that better way.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2008
Posts: 4
Yes I do want to stop drinking, I feel I have isolated myself through drinking too. This is just one incident the straw that has broke the camels back I suppose.
The hardest thing for me to do will be drinking socially I'm 24, like catching up with friends at the pub, when watching the football at the weekend. Do you have to surround yourself with non drinkers?
I do have good things in my life like my gf and a new job which I start in Feb and I'm looking to get our own place within the next 6 months. It annoys me that my mam is an alcoholic (been banned from driving, drinks vodka neat, hides drink, drinks alone etc etc.)
Obviously drink does not help me but she wont even talk to me its like she can hurt whoever and not apologise or admit she has problems but I get shunned even though I have tried to sincerely apologise. it was my sisters birthday yesterday and my mam ignored her for siding with me, because she said it was not all my fault. My mam said that its obvious which side of the family her loyalties lied told her to F*** off then hung up on her -which makes no sense to me.
Sorry for ranting but I just needed to get it out, I can only change my own behaviour and I intend to do that, would you feel the need to convince people you have hurt in the past that you are actively trying to change? Or even apologise with the chances of been told where to go.
Also what do you say to people as a reason why you don't drink?
The hardest thing for me to do will be drinking socially I'm 24, like catching up with friends at the pub, when watching the football at the weekend. Do you have to surround yourself with non drinkers?
I do have good things in my life like my gf and a new job which I start in Feb and I'm looking to get our own place within the next 6 months. It annoys me that my mam is an alcoholic (been banned from driving, drinks vodka neat, hides drink, drinks alone etc etc.)
Obviously drink does not help me but she wont even talk to me its like she can hurt whoever and not apologise or admit she has problems but I get shunned even though I have tried to sincerely apologise. it was my sisters birthday yesterday and my mam ignored her for siding with me, because she said it was not all my fault. My mam said that its obvious which side of the family her loyalties lied told her to F*** off then hung up on her -which makes no sense to me.
Sorry for ranting but I just needed to get it out, I can only change my own behaviour and I intend to do that, would you feel the need to convince people you have hurt in the past that you are actively trying to change? Or even apologise with the chances of been told where to go.
Also what do you say to people as a reason why you don't drink?
Member
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: A place of special Dreams....
Posts: 4,018
WELCOME and know you are among friends that truely care.....
You need to get some help for sure since you punched someone out and even bit someone........
I didn't go that far..... But you have some anger issues that need help...
Keep coming back..........................
Little Penguin
You need to get some help for sure since you punched someone out and even bit someone........
I didn't go that far..... But you have some anger issues that need help...
Keep coming back..........................
Little Penguin
smileyologist and lord of bees
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: mourning smileys near you
Posts: 2,508
I was always a happy drunk, but happy meant doing things that were against the law (in my younger years) like thinking I'm an acrobat and damaging property, setting fire to a public bench amongst other reckless acts when I was 'happy'...
I'm lucky to still have my liberty and by the sounds of it you are too; drinking does not agree with you and you are doing the right thing by wanting to quit, and well done for admitting you have a problem, that takes a lot of courage and shows that without a drink you are not that person that wants to hurt other people...
It's difficult to adjust to not drinking, especially if your social life revolves around drink; I found it impossible to stop the first few times and it wasn't until I admitted to my friends the absolute seriousness of my problem, the situation I was in because of alcohol that they became supportive towards me in my attempts to quit...
I guess the most important thing to do right now is to remove yourself from situations which will lead you to drinking, could you handle going to a pub with your friends whilst they get drunk and you could maybe drink zero alcohol beer? Maybe that could be an idea, but that is really tough to do and it might be easier just to avoid the pub...
I don't really have any answers, just wanted to say I know what you're going through and I know how tough it is, and how hard it is to face the regrets of what you do when you're drunk...
Whatever you decide and however you manage to abstain from drink, I wish you all the best...
Welcome to the forum and keep posting!!!
I'm lucky to still have my liberty and by the sounds of it you are too; drinking does not agree with you and you are doing the right thing by wanting to quit, and well done for admitting you have a problem, that takes a lot of courage and shows that without a drink you are not that person that wants to hurt other people...
It's difficult to adjust to not drinking, especially if your social life revolves around drink; I found it impossible to stop the first few times and it wasn't until I admitted to my friends the absolute seriousness of my problem, the situation I was in because of alcohol that they became supportive towards me in my attempts to quit...
I guess the most important thing to do right now is to remove yourself from situations which will lead you to drinking, could you handle going to a pub with your friends whilst they get drunk and you could maybe drink zero alcohol beer? Maybe that could be an idea, but that is really tough to do and it might be easier just to avoid the pub...
I don't really have any answers, just wanted to say I know what you're going through and I know how tough it is, and how hard it is to face the regrets of what you do when you're drunk...
Whatever you decide and however you manage to abstain from drink, I wish you all the best...
Welcome to the forum and keep posting!!!
believer
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Europe
Posts: 2,411
One day at a time, you can find there's a new life with sobriety and that recovery is a blessing....You already took the first step, you are approaching this and facing it....You have an amazing chance right now to walk the road of change.
Welcome and keep posting...
Welcome and keep posting...
not a greeter
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: padmasana
Posts: 13,927
Hi and welcome to SR Michael .
These are all reasons how alcohol is causing you problems... and good enough to make you want to quit .
As for telling people why you don't drink? Just be honest and say it's more trouble than it's worth and you've quit.
.
I'm not sure I'm an alcoholic as I do not need a drink when I wake up but I really like a beer, I just don't know when to stop.
At one time or another I have hurt everyone I know practically by saying nasty things when I'm drunk, sometimes because I know it would hurt them.
I just don't want to go on been a violent drunken fool who keeps upsetting people and acting like a idiot.
I punched him in the face and broke his glasses
my cousin wont be coming back and that I have bit part of his thumb off.
.As for telling people why you don't drink? Just be honest and say it's more trouble than it's worth and you've quit.
Awaiting Email Confirmation
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Worcester
Posts: 789
Originally Posted by Michael2008 
Also what do you say to people as a reason why you don't drink?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2008
Posts: 4
I feel much better after talking about it here and lots of the replies make a lot of sense, I told my gf that I would be stopping and told her my reasons. My mother is still refusing to talk to me, so I might just have to accept that she is very weird most of the time and a nasty person herself so she can get on with it.
Thanks for all the support made me feel better and more importantly not alone.
Thanks for all the support made me feel better and more importantly not alone.
cunning. baffling. powerful.
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: NY
Posts: 183
While I can't exactly relate to your situation personally, I know people like you and I know what they go through. I know it's tough when you apologize and people don't seem interested in forgiveness, but it might be the number of times you've apologized only to do it again that pushes them away.
I think the key to addiction, whether it is alcoholism or to drugs, is consequences rather than how much or how often you drink. You've had some serious consequences, yet you are still interested in drinking.
Can you drink successfully without the consequences you describe?
On the flipside, think about the feelings of those who are finding it so difficult to forgive. The consequences of spending time with you, when you drink, are potentially hurtful or dangerous to them. They may accept your apology, but are no longer interested in dealing with those consequences. You might find them more interested in hanging out if they know they won't have to.
No one can tell you if you are an alcoholic and in the end, it may not even matter. You have a clear relationship between drinking and upsetting behavior.
The next step is up to you. Do you want to keep dealing with those consequences (which might even escalate over time) or find a way to keep them from happening? You'll be surprised how little people care what you've got in your glass.
~SK
I think the key to addiction, whether it is alcoholism or to drugs, is consequences rather than how much or how often you drink. You've had some serious consequences, yet you are still interested in drinking.
Can you drink successfully without the consequences you describe?
On the flipside, think about the feelings of those who are finding it so difficult to forgive. The consequences of spending time with you, when you drink, are potentially hurtful or dangerous to them. They may accept your apology, but are no longer interested in dealing with those consequences. You might find them more interested in hanging out if they know they won't have to.
No one can tell you if you are an alcoholic and in the end, it may not even matter. You have a clear relationship between drinking and upsetting behavior.
The next step is up to you. Do you want to keep dealing with those consequences (which might even escalate over time) or find a way to keep them from happening? You'll be surprised how little people care what you've got in your glass.
~SK
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Look at this idea....
when you start your new job
you can save the money you now spend drinking.
Then...you can move into your new place more quickly.
Glad you are here with us
when you start your new job
you can save the money you now spend drinking.
Then...you can move into your new place more quickly.
Glad you are here with us
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