nytepassion

Last night was trying for me. I had heard my husband speak of how sorry he was and how he realized what he has done. Then when I called home from work on break last night to check on the kids ... He wanted to talk to me about how we need to be civil and how he wants us to at least be friends. He doesn't want to lose me, but he doesn't see anything wrong in going to his friends house every now and then for a few drinks. He doesn't want things to be this way .. and what was I going to do about the amount of rent I am going to be short in Feb. I told him I didn't know, but I wasn't going to worry about it. Anyway .. he talked my whole 10 minute break away.

When I got home from work. He was all dressed and had a readiness about him. I asked if he was leaving and he said he was. I shook my head and he asked why I was shaking my head. I said, I'm shaking my head at your choices. He said, well I tried to talk to you and you don't want to work things out. I laughed .. and said, you tried to talk to me from behind a phone on my break at work. He said, yes, and you just want me out.

I heard Gods voice say, Let go and I turned and walked away.

He (my husband) said, bye

I just said bye and didn't look back.

I went about my evening with my children.

I felt a bit of pain in my heart over the choices he is making.
I gave into some thoughts on how he doesn't really care.

I pulled out my bible and let the Lord prompt me where to read.

Each Scripture or devotion was on trusting God. Which to me is a comformation of what I believe the Lord is teaching me. To trust Him.

I don't know what is going to happen, but I do know that whatever it is will be Gods perfect plan.

I didn't call my husband while he was out .. I don't know where he was. My heart was egging me on to find out, but my Lord was telling me to be still before him.

I chose to listen to God. I may not have had my husband home with me last night, but I did spend the evening with a gentleman (my Father).

It was a good evening ... It was a quiet evening. It was pleasant and peaceful.

This feels like jumping off a cliff .. falling downward ... but fully knowing that you aren't going to crash and burn .. because you're hope and trust is in the Lord. I've never been in this place before .. It is a hard place, it is a good place .. it is where I am meant to be.

Each time my heart began to squirm under the heat of the fire .. The Lord gently encouraged me to trust Him.

I trust you Lord, I trust you.

Passion

havehope

(((Nyte)))
The strength you bring to this forum is amazing. You are such a wonderful person.
Love

hope213

hugs & prayers, you will find your way. follow the light.

BayAreaPhoenix

((((NYTE)))) - you are an inspiration, it is true. Your clarity is something I am aspiring to. Thanks for your sharing, your story and your strength!

Ann

Passion, that freefall you speak of is what I call blind faith, I've had to call upon it often. Blind faith leads us when we can't see where we are going but trust that we ARE being led. It takes us to where we are supposed to be.

You will be okay and so will your children. Just put your heart in the hand of God and know that you will be okay.

Hugs

rahsue

your strength will lead you to great things.

Good luck
hugs and prayers

best

I know that the Lord will continue to comfort you Sher.

I pray that the Lord open your husband's eyes as He did mine.
May his heart of stone be changed to a heart of moldable clay.

Matthew 19:26
Jesus looked at them and said, "With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.

Hangin' In

Nyte, one of the hardest things for me to learn in my recovery was to be still. But you know the verse..."Be still and know that I am God." As a codie, I was always thinking I needed to "do something". Then I learned through my meetings that for me, "doing nothing" is the something I need to do. That make sense?

And when I do nothing, I have the opportunity to be still. Lord knows he has a hard time getting through to me when all that chatter is going on in my life and head. But when I'm still, it's then I can listen.

This world of addiction tends to teach of us to fret, to worry, to get angry, to guilt, to resent, to lose hope, etc. But God, our HP, teaches us to be still so he can get through to us. Thanks for the reminder.

Hugs,
Hangin' In

lightseeker

Nyte -

You really are being challenged by his dark forces but you remain strong and focused on the way and the light. You are wise and have a commitment to the Lord and your recovery. It inspires me and reminds me that that is what spiritual fitness is. I always have to remember that everything and everyone is exactly like they are supposed to be. Every situation is an opportunity to do the next right thing. Boy - did you do it in this situation.

Remember always how many people that you have praying for you. While I was at work this week I ran into a patient's father that needed directions. He ended up talking to me about the strength of prayer. He took my pen and asked "could I break your pen". Well, of course. Then he asked "what if I had another?" Well, he could probably do that too. Then he said "what if I had 100 grouped together, could I break them then?" Of course not...no way. That is the strength of prayer. Think of us all gathered around you - there is no way to break......

Hugs to you my friend - Donna

Impurrfect

(((Nyte))))

Your strength and faith inspires me. You know you and the kids are in far better hands now, and surrouned by prayer. I like the saying that says something about when we step off into the edge of darkness, we will either be given ground to stand on or wings to fly...that's always given me the strength to walk into the unknown, and everything has always turned out just as it was supposed to.

Hugs and prayers to you and your kids!!

Amy