ElektrykEye

I live next door to my AB (he's 24 going on 12). I guess a lot of people would think that's not a big deal since he's not in the same house as me, but trust me... his path of destruction is large. My mom has gone out of town for the weekend (he lives with her) to get away from him. Of course since she's gone, he has friends over and is drinking. That wouldn't bother me... I could care less what the jerk does in his own space, but what does bother me is that he and his buddies are loud, yelling outside, and running back and forth between his yard and mine. My dog is barking because of the noise and my partner wants to call the cops (which of course I can't do because that would upset my enabler mom).

This isn't the first problem we've had since he moved back in with Mom. Just the other night, we were woken at 2am by someone knocking on the door. We were understandably scared. All of the lights in the house were off (we were asleep!) and it was 2am... who in the world comes knocking on the door of a dark house at 2am?!?!?! My AB's friends of course... looking for him. While I know that's technically not his fault, I can't help but believe that most people's friends don't do this sort of thing... I know mine never have.

I really don't feel like I can deal with this situation any more, but I can't afford to move. I have tried SO HARD to stay out of whatever is going on next door and yet, as you can see, his addiction STILL affects me. It is causing stress and a very serious depression that often has me thinking of irrational ways to get out of my situation. I really don't know what to do. All I know is that at this moment, I am depressed and beyond angry at my brother. Thanks for letting me vent.

LaTeeDa

So what you're saying is that not upsetting your mom is more important to you than your own peace and serenity?

L

ElektrykEye

Honestly, the problem is that we live in her house and at the moment, cannot afford anything else. So if I were to do something that seriously upset her, I worry that she may ask us to leave and we have nowhere else to go. In the long term, we'll definitely be working on finding another place but for now, we're stuck and I don't really want to be homeless I was so stupid for agreeing to move here in the first place!

LaTeeDa

There are always choices. Sometimes I do not like them, and wish I had different ones, but no matter what I try to tell myself, I always have choices.

L

ElektrykEye

Yes, I am choosing to stay here and deal with my AB's crap rather than be homeless... sorry if that choice doesn't excite me.

Can I just delete this post altogether? I can see I shouldn't have made it in the first place. Thanks anyway.

Miss Pink

You choose the house, you choose the consequences.

Cant serve two masters. If you dont stand for yourself fearlessly, then nothing will change. If you are afraid if pissing her off, yo uhave made a choice to live there and accept the loud noise and disruption.

Im sorry....but when all experience consequences of our choices.

FormerDoormat

"The antidote for despair is change."

- Joan Baez

nowinsituation

Wouldn't it be great if there were an "undo" button in real-life? Or an "easy" button like on those TV commercials??? You are in a tough situation, and it sounds like your choices are limited, at least in the short term. But, now you know things you didn't know when you moved in. Take that knowledge and start making a plan!! I'm sure it is depressing, but hopefully soon you can find a way out.

Barbara52

It seems to me you see yourself as unable to do something about a current problem because maybe someone else might do something in the future if you do something now.

It is of course up to you what you are wiling to do to deal with your situation. Only you know everything about what you face. People are making their comments based onwhat you let us know and are only trying to point out that you are making choices. For you they are the choices you want at this point in time . As long as you are aware you have other choices and are dismissing those other choices as not what you want to do at this time, that's fine.

It is depressing to be tangled in the drama around an active A. Perhaps you are not giving your mother credit for understanding. She did after all go away for the weekend to get away from you brother. Perhaps she would be more open than you think to you setting boundaries and taking action as you see fit?

hope2bhappy

You are an enabler, also. By protecting your enabler mother, you are (indirectly) protecting your alcoholic brother. You have the right to a peaceful life, but you keep handing over this right to your mother and brother everytime you fail to set and stick to your own boundaries.

I seriously doubt that your mother would kick you out if you had called the police. I think she would "protect" you, just as she does him... because she is an enabler.

Things will change for you when you decide to take back control of your own peace and happiness.