this little sentence spoke to me...........your thoughts?
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Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: in the south
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this little sentence spoke to me...........your thoughts?
Friends,
I have been feeling a little insecure of late and a friend sent me this little passage. I'd like to share it:
And as we let our own light shine we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.
This is just my own interpretation.......
perhaps as we work on practicing the steps and getting better ourselves, becoming the best we can be then we also give the addict the chance to work things out for themselves and let them start their own journey under their own steam.
I am going to try and focus on this each time I "worry" or get a case of the "what-ifs" like what if he doesn't make, what if I say the wrong thing........Iam going to focus each day on letting the focus be on me and the rest of my family.
thanks for letting me sound off..........dixied
I have been feeling a little insecure of late and a friend sent me this little passage. I'd like to share it:
And as we let our own light shine we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.
This is just my own interpretation.......
perhaps as we work on practicing the steps and getting better ourselves, becoming the best we can be then we also give the addict the chance to work things out for themselves and let them start their own journey under their own steam.
I am going to try and focus on this each time I "worry" or get a case of the "what-ifs" like what if he doesn't make, what if I say the wrong thing........Iam going to focus each day on letting the focus be on me and the rest of my family.
thanks for letting me sound off..........dixied
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Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((Dixied)))
I think you are doing great and I agree with your interpretation.
Even though my dad can drive me crazy, and still worries about me a little too much, I realize that part of it is I am his only child, and the other is what I put him through as an addict.
The good part, though, is when one of my consequences smacks me in the face (usually dealing with money), dad will just say "I'm sorry". He doesn't try to fix it, he doesn't dwell on it. What he DOES do is let me figure a way to work it out, and offer advice or suggestions. Yeah, sometimes he gives me that advice when I don't want it, but it's okay....that's what parents do, right
It's nice that now I can appreciate that he has a lot more experience at life and bills and I can say "okay....this is the situation, these are my options and I'm leaning toward this one, but what do you think?" He does the same with me.
Your son, like me, is an adult. Yeah, we're a bit warped by our addiction, but when we are treated like adults, allowed to face our consequences, it gives us encouragement to keep trying.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
I think you are doing great and I agree with your interpretation.
Even though my dad can drive me crazy, and still worries about me a little too much, I realize that part of it is I am his only child, and the other is what I put him through as an addict.
The good part, though, is when one of my consequences smacks me in the face (usually dealing with money), dad will just say "I'm sorry". He doesn't try to fix it, he doesn't dwell on it. What he DOES do is let me figure a way to work it out, and offer advice or suggestions. Yeah, sometimes he gives me that advice when I don't want it, but it's okay....that's what parents do, right
It's nice that now I can appreciate that he has a lot more experience at life and bills and I can say "okay....this is the situation, these are my options and I'm leaning toward this one, but what do you think?" He does the same with me.Your son, like me, is an adult. Yeah, we're a bit warped by our addiction, but when we are treated like adults, allowed to face our consequences, it gives us encouragement to keep trying.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Southern through and through
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: In.....trouble :-)
Posts: 1,453
Dixie,
One of the sure fire ways I can tell how good I'm working my program is by looking at where my thoughts are. If they are over here ----------> or over there <--------------------, on him or her, then guess what? I am not focusing on me and my life. And 99.9% of the time when I am thinking about him or her, I am not thinking "Oh, she is doing so good. Oh, I just love how he handled that." Nope. Hate to admit it, but I tend to go to the negative, so when my thoughts are on them, my serenity goes right out the window.
Another thing I realized is when I am all into my daugthers' lives, giving "advice", or suggesting what they might try (that's just trying to come in the backdoor and tell them what to do
), their mind is being cluttered by MY words. A Al Anon friend and I have figured out that if we shut up, if we actually be quiet when around or addicted loved ones, then our kids' minds are open, free, and available to listen to their HP. As long as I am chattering, chattering, chattering to my AD, there's no way she could hear her HP. I have to be quiet. (Ooooooooo, that's a TALL order.)
And one little thing about that worrying, the "what if this happens", "what if she/he does this", etc. I love what Mark Twain said,
"I've had many tragedies in my life, most of which have never happened."
You're doing good, Dixie. Progress, not perfection.
Hugs,
Hangin' In
One of the sure fire ways I can tell how good I'm working my program is by looking at where my thoughts are. If they are over here ----------> or over there <--------------------, on him or her, then guess what? I am not focusing on me and my life. And 99.9% of the time when I am thinking about him or her, I am not thinking "Oh, she is doing so good. Oh, I just love how he handled that." Nope. Hate to admit it, but I tend to go to the negative, so when my thoughts are on them, my serenity goes right out the window.
Another thing I realized is when I am all into my daugthers' lives, giving "advice", or suggesting what they might try (that's just trying to come in the backdoor and tell them what to do
), their mind is being cluttered by MY words. A Al Anon friend and I have figured out that if we shut up, if we actually be quiet when around or addicted loved ones, then our kids' minds are open, free, and available to listen to their HP. As long as I am chattering, chattering, chattering to my AD, there's no way she could hear her HP. I have to be quiet. (Ooooooooo, that's a TALL order.)And one little thing about that worrying, the "what if this happens", "what if she/he does this", etc. I love what Mark Twain said,
"I've had many tragedies in my life, most of which have never happened."
You're doing good, Dixie. Progress, not perfection.
Hugs,
Hangin' In
Power is not having to respond
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Wabbit Hole
Posts: 1,923
Originally Posted by Hangin' In 
"I've had many tragedies in my life, most of which have never happened."
Hi Dix. I just want you to know I am here, thinking of you.
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Join Date: Mar 2006
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Thanks for sharing that here, Dixie. I agree...and beyond the addict, I have found that working on me and keeping my focus there lets others in my life take their own steps and shine too...As an ex control freak, I definitely have found the difference with people I work with. I was always doing for them, thinking it was "helpful." I've found in self examination that it wasn't at all and it just made me feel more in control of things. Allowing them to do things in their own way and without my involvement has allowed them to grow in their knowledge and skills too. Who was I to rob them of that chance?
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