Nikki2003

AH called to say goodnight to the kids and to chat with me for a bit before one of his classes. He will be home in two days and knows that tomorrow I will be going to see the counslor. She is the same one he was seeing before he left for teh treatment center. And she is the one we will be seeing together for couples counsling. He wanted to make it clear to me tonight that I can't expect him to jump in with both feet. I was really confused as to what he meant. So he said "I can only do baby steps." Huh? I thought he was talking about his duties around the house. So I asked him if that was what he meant. He said no. He said about the stuff we cover about him in counsling. OHHHHH. I said. Right away I knew then what he was afriad of. He thought I wanted to butt into his treatment. KNow all about what he was doing and so on. I let him know that if he ever wanted to share any of that with me at home or in couples counsling then that was his choice but that is not the issues I wanted to cover in couples counsling and was not the issues I was going to cover in my counsling sessions with her. So now he was the one confused.

He thought as soon as he got home I was going to grill him all about his time at treatment, what his plan was, what the cause was, and so on, what he discussed with counslors and so on. Ummm no. Not my business.

What I want to cover in couples counsling has to do with learning to communicate with each other agian. Learning to trust each other agian. The issue of his stealing and how we can both over come this, him overcoming stealing and me trusting him not to. Abandoment issues(this has to do with my disabilities and also my pregnancies and so on, long story) and also abuse both pysical and mental. On top of that I want us to both learn how we can both support each other as a couple with this problem. These are the issues in couples counsling I want to cover. He seemed speachless when I said this.

Then he asked me what I was going to cover in my counsling sessions with her. And I said my problems with my issues. If and when I am ready to share those with you I will. He said that was fair.

He is going to call be back tonight before bed to talk some more about it. But he seemed greatly relieved. Why he would think I was going to want to grill him about any of his treatment I have no idea. I did let him know that while he was in treatment that I was also learning as well. My learning was not as intense as his but I was learning and from some very wise and experienced people.
Nikki

by myself again

I hope all goes well for you in 2 days time.

hope213

i am glad you told him this. now he knows what to expect from you. nikki, you are doing good in your recovery. i bet he was totally surprised that you are not asking him anything. recovery is great, i like the fact it is "hands off the addict".prayers for you both.

Ann

Nikki, you sound like you are in a good place with your recovery and that you are keeping that about you.

No matter how this goes when he returns, you sound strong enough to handle it as it comes. That alone is a great blessing.

Hugs and prayers for both of you, and wishes for a wonderful "new beginning".

Hugs

Hangin' In

Nikki,

Sounds like maybe the communicating is already a little better.

Prayers for you and your husband.

Hugs,
Hangin' In