DesertEyes

What is it like to be healthy?

I'm not all the way healthy yet, but I've made a few improvements in myself thanx to working this recovery thing. How about everybody shares a few of their own?

- I have learned that _my_ happiness does _not_ depend on other people's happiness. I can be happy with life even though everybody around me is miserable. I no longer have to make _them_ happy in order to make me happy.

- I have learned that love is only good if it is given without conditions. I used to "buy" my love from other people by doing things for them, fixing their problems, guessing their needs, and generally doormatting myself to them. The "love" I got that way was never enough.

- I use my "codie radar" to _avoid_ toxic people, instead of searching for them. I used to automatically find the sickest person in a room and go try and fix them. Now I use that same "sensor" to avoid them and go find somebody healthy.

- I ask for help when I need it, but only from healthy people. I used to be afraid to let people know I was vulnerable, as I would always allow sick people to take advantage of me. Now I tell my healthy friends when I hurt, or need help, and they respond with healthy love and support.

ok, enough about me. Your turn

Mike

Lilyflower

Thanks for posting this Mike.

I have learnt to control my anger. I don't blow up in the way I used to when I feel provoked.

I have learnt to look inside of myself for answers, and not elsewhere.

I have learnt that I have alot of issues and that I need to do alot of work on me.

I have reached out to others for help, here on SR and through my doctor.

I am learning to live life in reality and not 'sugar coat' my world.

I guess they are steps in the right direction. I need to focus on the progress I have made instead of looking at the mountain I still have to climb! I guess I got a bit down hearted when reading MG's post. Plus I haven't been feeling very bright all weekend. That and this therapist visit I have coming up, I guess I'm just a bit down on myself today.

Thanks again

Lily xxxxxxxxxx

itiswhatitis...

to me being healthy means doing what i need to do to take care of me - if that means going to the gym - i go - if that means getting some coffee and reading and walking around for an hour - i do it -

being healthy is making progress - baby steps - and learning how to be healthier (and ways to do that) along the way...

being healthy is like being happy - a person is only as happy as they make their mind up to be - so true...

thanks mike,
s

Rella927

Great thread Mike!

I have learned to expose myself in my life today is a test of humanity that I have a willingness to take part of.

I have learned that when I'm in pain-I do not have to make others be in pain too!

I have learned that I do not always have to be right and make everyone see things the way that I do!

I have learned that when you plan in your mind to get even with someone, it is only a way to continue hurting yourself. I take responsibility today for my actions-and do not allow others actions to become my responsibility!

I have learned today to seek out healthy people that I want in my life as they encompass and enrich me-

I have learned today that it is ok to be loved because I'm worth it! Without conditions as Mike stated. I grew up with love having conditions attached to them-love I have today in my life is not painful-it is beautiful and peaceful.

I have learned that as long as I take care of myself everything flows better around me!

I've learned....
That life is tough, but I'm tougher.

I could go on.....but I will stop here-

Work in progress! :bounce

ICU

In my quest to become healthier, I have learned...

- That I need to 'feel' all of my feelings, no matter how painful or ugly they are, and not block them because other people find them undesirable or don't know how to deal with them.

- That I have 'choices'. I don't have to follow everyone else's instructions, or stay in a situation that is unhealthy for me, and then be told I'm a quitter when I leave. That one left me dumbstruck!!

- I have learned that if I want love in my life, it's up to me to learn how to love myself, first...and to treat myself gently when life gets a rough or I make mistakes.

- I have learned to trust my gut...I'm really not as stupid as everyone has told me I am.

- I am learning how to say something once and not feel the need to have anyone agree with me to validate me as a worthwhile person. Biggie!!!!

- I have also learned that I have a looooong way to go in becoming healthy, but, I'm worth the work and the journey.

GiveLove

I've learned to carry my dreams and my happiness around like a newborn child, with great tenderness and protectiveness. Used to be I would let just about anyone take a swipe at them, and I'd try to convince myself what a good person I was because I (once again) let someone else's needs come before my own.

Good thread, Mike.

Mair

I have learnt that i am the most important person in my life. If i dont love myself then noone else has a chance.

I think before i jump in to help, i wait for someone to ask then i think about it.

i can say "NO" when i want to

I hope in time i'll have a longer list

Mair xx

good_luck

I have learned to take care of myself first.

I have learned that serenity is what makes me happy, and that's ok, even if it makes my anecdotes less interesting.

I have learned that I am not invincible.

I have learned to ask for help from the people who are there to give it, not the one person who won't.

Lilyflower

I have found, what for me is, a list of attributes I would like to possess when I am recovered. I think that there are some I already have but perhaps I don't always use these skills, as a codie it can sometimes 'feel good' to fall back into bad habits of behaviour. It is hard to break the cycle!

''Characteristics of true Adulthood.

1.Accepts criticism gratefully. Being honestly glad for an opportunity to improve
2.Does not indulge in self-pity. Has begun to feel the laws of compensation operating in all life.
3.Does not expect special consideration from anyone.
4.Controls temper.
5.Meets emergencies with poise.
6.Feelings are not easily hurt.
7.Accepts the responsibility of own acts without trying to "alibi'.
8.Has outgrown the ‘all or nothing’ stage. Recognizes that no person or situation is wholly good or wholly bad. And begins to appreciate the golden rule.
9.Is not impatient at reasonable delays.
10. Have learned they are not the arbiter of the universe and that must often adjust to other people and their convenience.
11. Is a good loser can endure defeat and disappointment without whining or complaining.
12. Does not worry unduly about things he cannot help.
13. Is not given to boasting or "showing off" in socially unacceptable ways.
14. Is honestly glad when others enjoy success or good fortune.
15. Has outgrown envy and jealousy.
16. Is open-minded enough to listen thoughtfully to the opinions of others.
17. Is not a chronic 'faultfinder'.
18. Plans things in advance rather than trusting to the inspiration of the moment. ''

from my web site of the day.... Counseling, All About

Lily xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

LaTeeDa

Mike,

Can you please explain what is healthy about continuously bumping ccrider's "So Long" thread from last month?

L

anamchara

- I have discovered that self-pity is a sick comfort.

-I have discovered that God grants peace that passes understanding

-I have learned that grace and forgiveness are possible, even when the circumstances don't seem to warrant it

-I have learned not to isolate myself and 'cover' my husband's ill choices

-I have learned that there is victory and strength born through brokenness

DesertEyes

I don't want to hijack this thread so I replied to you in PM

Mike

cinderellawkids

Ive learned to control my temper and my rages.
Ive learned to think positively and find positive things in almost everything.
Ive learned to work with others and not against them
Ive learned to speak calmly and quietly as more effect than yelling demands and threats

CatsPajamas

I have learned that "NO" is a complete sentence

I have learned that feelings are just feelings and not facts.

I have learned that sometimes the best way I can help someone is to get out of the way so that he and his Higher Power can communicate.

I have learned to listen to my gut, especially when it tells me something is terribly wrong.

I have learned to pay attention to my Codie Radar... like Mike, mine used to zero in on the sickest person in the room. Now, I also tend to go the opposite direction and seek out healthier people.

I have learned that I can love someone but not want to be around him because together we are toxic. I have also learned that this can be temporary, and it can also be permanent.

I have learned to turn to my Higher Power sooner rather than later.

I am learning to be healthier.

WantsOut

Is that a trick question? ;p

appleblaster

Wow, just reading all of your responses makes me remember things I forgot I learned!!
Great thread, thank you!

keeper7

I have learned that in G-d's eyes I am a "keeper", even if other people don't see it or treat me that way.(basically my value comes from being not doing!)

I have learned there are good people out there who will help just because they want to, without strings attached.

I have learned I can be one of those people who chooses to help, when help is really needed and helping does not hurt me.

I have learned my choices can be right for me even if no one else agrees.

I have learned there are no hard and fast rules for "family" and mine will never be a perfect picturebut I have every right to love them and have loving (even if it's tough love) boundaries with them. Just because your family does not give you the right to walk over or use someone.

I have learned true family can be your neighbor nextdoor and not your sister. Sharing DNA does not make a true family.

I have learned it's hard to follow the golden rule if you don't love yourself.

I have learned following the golden rule makes life pretty simple.

I have learned I will stop learning only when I die!

m1k3

I have learned to respond rather than react. I no longer live on auto pilot.

I have learned to be patient.

I have learned to be brave.

I have learned that I am enough just as I am.

I have learned that I will never be normal and that's OK. What has been seen can not be unseen. It has made me stronger.

Your friend,

NYCDoglvr

Getting involved with healthy people is my yardstick. We pick people who we can trust and respect, people who enhance our lives not belittle us. We learn there's a difference between love and need. And we learn to focus on our own issues and accept people as they are, not who we want them to be.

Great question! Thanks!

Geneticmessiah

The best thing I can say about being healthy is learning to make the most out of my day.