tay-lyn

Yes, I drank again. I am out of words. Have nothing left to say, except that I'm not going to give up trying to stay sober.

Rowan

Hi T

What did you learn this weekend? How can you use this experience to help you?
I hope we are still on for this week!

Missymae737

HI,

Forgive yourself and try again...

The important thing is you made it back to us...Some don't get that chance...

You can do this!!!:ghug

tay-lyn

Hi Rowan; Yes, we're still on this week.
What did I learn? I'm sick of thinking about what I did or didn't learn. I've learned everything I'm going to learn. I know my triggers, my weaknesses, etc., etc.. And I still drink. I'm feeling hopeless about whether or not I'm ever going to be able to quit for good......

Rowan

That's the kind of thinking that will get you into trouble! Concentrate on staying sober today. Worry about tomorrow when it gets here. I know it sounds trite, but it helped me a lot in the early days. Hang in there friend and don't be too hard on yourself.

tay-lyn

Yes Ro; I'm concentrating on staying sober today. I'm just feeling so hopeless.

Rowan

I understand. I really do. It's one of those things that unfortunately you have to go through in order to get anywhere. I wish there were shortcuts, and that we could avoid the inevitable pain that accompanies significant change, but I'm learning that I really have to fully experience something in order to get through it.
I know it may not feel like it, but you've got a wonderful opportunity to change your life, and to live more fully. Admitting you have a problem with alcohol is huge. It took me several failed attempts before I got it right, T.

bonsai12

I’m glad you’re out of the woods. I’ve only been sober just shy of seven months but to get here I stopped trying and just did it. I didn’t have to try to get drunk I just did it. Day 3 I got a sponsor and started working the steps from the Big Book. AA’s program of recovery completely changed my perception on how I view alcohol and drugs and how they view me. By getting involved in AA and out of myself I didn’t feel so hopeless because I was actually doing something about staying sober and my recovery.

tay-lyn

Thanks Rowan. It's soothing to hear your words. I was feeling very hateful towards myself. Reading your words helps me to forgive myself a bit......just a bit.
However, forgiving myself makes me feel as though I am telling myself my slip was ok. I wrestle with self-forgiveness.
I feel like I wrestle with everything. I am so tired of wrestling. Anyways.........same old same old.
Don't worry Ro, I'm ok. Just feeling down, but I've no desire to drink today. So at least I'll stay sober today.

Anna

Hi Tay-lyn,

Wow, you sound so much like I used to be. I was so hard on myself that I set myself up to fail. You are human and you do need to have forgiveness for yourself. That is a gift you can give yourself. Let go of the blame and the baggage. Forgiving yourself doesn't mean that you are saying the slip was ok. Forgiving yourself is something you do so you can move forward.

Hang in there Tay-lyn and PM me anytime.

CarolD

Many of us had false starts before we found solid sobriety.

My key?
I had to want to be sober
more than I wanted to drink.

Blessings

nogard

(((((((((taylyn)))))))))))

stone

As far as forgiving yourself, I just saw that my self hate etc made me more likely to drink again. By forgiving myself I wasn't saying it was OK to drink, just that flogging myself over it wasn't helping.

The self-hate, remorse etc are pretty classic hangover feelings, I spent a LOT of time feeling like that!

Done_With_It

**{Tay lyn}}
Walking right beside you girl

cityguy

Alcoholism gets progressively worse (with worse results) 100% of the time. So, whatever brought you to the program, or thought of getting sober, will come back around. When you are ready to surrender, you will. The payback is sweet.

tay-lyn

Wow, everyone's input is SO helpful. Today I am not feeling helpless, just fearful...again. That is usually how I feel. Fearful that I will drink again. I know from experience that I always end up drinking no matter how bad I want to quit. So I am fearful. BUT......I'm still trying. This morning before getting out of bed, I was thinking again about all those bottoms....wow, just one of them is enough to make me shudder and swear off the booze, and yet I have handfulls of them. So I will spend another day remembering those bottoms. If that gets me through another day then great. For a long time I didn't want to remember my bottoms because they brought me down, but my drinking brings me down too. So if remembering my bottoms keeps me sober today, then that is what I will concentrate on.
Anyways, feeling better today. I've said it before and will say it again, thanks so much for everyone's input. It really helps.
Tay.

ccirider

Hi Tay-Lyn:

I just wanted to let you let know that I haven't forgotten about you, and that you are in my thoughts. Thank you for the wonderful PM. It really meant a lot to me, and I will be sending you a reply shortly.

Beneath all of the alcohol is a wounded self from our childhood that needs healing. You and me are in the same boat, so what do you say that you grab one oar, and I will grab the other? Maybe we can learn to row in the same direction?

tay-lyn

CCIRIDER;
Thanks for the words. I've got one hand on the oar!
Tay.

Luckyv2

Change4life

I really cant offer any advice cause im in the same boat feelig helpless, but not giving up.

I just want you to know that you will be in my prayers.

Never give up!!