What to tell our children?
Casper
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: South Florida
Posts: 11
What to tell our children?
I posted the following question in the friends/family forum and someone suggested I post it here as well. Any feedback is appreciated...
Thanks
My exhusband is an active cocaine user. We have been divorced for almost two years now. We have two sons, ages 9 and 4.
My ex's behavior is irrational at times. He says mean things about me to the kids, telling them I am a liar, it is my fault we are divorced etc. He accepts no responsibility for the failure of the marriage. In fact, he even told a judge during a contempt hearing that he was clean and didn't have a drug problem anymore.
My older son has been picking up on some behavior patterns such as broken promises, forgetfulness, short tempered, disinterest and confusion. He wonders why his dad is like that then makes excuses for him, i.e. he's tired, lonely or doesn't make enough money.
How do I begin to explain to my son who right now has not been told about his father's addiction that his dad is sick? I can see how this has been affecting him. He worries about his father all the time.
I don't want to bad mouth his father, but I want him to understand that things that happen are not his fault. I want him to be informed, but I don't know how to proceed.
I know (based on past experience) that once his father finds out I have told my son the "family secret" there will be consequences but I can handle that.
What do I tell the children?
Thanks ...
Mary
Thanks
My exhusband is an active cocaine user. We have been divorced for almost two years now. We have two sons, ages 9 and 4.
My ex's behavior is irrational at times. He says mean things about me to the kids, telling them I am a liar, it is my fault we are divorced etc. He accepts no responsibility for the failure of the marriage. In fact, he even told a judge during a contempt hearing that he was clean and didn't have a drug problem anymore.
My older son has been picking up on some behavior patterns such as broken promises, forgetfulness, short tempered, disinterest and confusion. He wonders why his dad is like that then makes excuses for him, i.e. he's tired, lonely or doesn't make enough money.
How do I begin to explain to my son who right now has not been told about his father's addiction that his dad is sick? I can see how this has been affecting him. He worries about his father all the time.
I don't want to bad mouth his father, but I want him to understand that things that happen are not his fault. I want him to be informed, but I don't know how to proceed.
I know (based on past experience) that once his father finds out I have told my son the "family secret" there will be consequences but I can handle that.
What do I tell the children?
Thanks ...
Mary
Member
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Starting over all over again
Posts: 4,426
Hello there Mary, and welcome to this wonderful website 
My parents were alcoholics, so I'm familiar with being a child in a "toxic" situation. There are several things you can do that will be a huge help to your children.
- Get yourself educated about the disease of addiction, and how it affects a family. The best place to do that is at meetings of al-anon, or nar-anon. They have wonderful books on the subject, and great meetings where other spouses share information. You can find them in your phone book. Give them a call and have them direct you to a meeting that is convenient to you.
- Get your children educated about the disease of addiction, and how it affects them. The best way to do that is thru the program of ala-teen, which is a part of al-anon. When you call ala-non tell them you are also looking for meetings of ala-teen.
- Take a little time to browse around the various forums here on SoberRecovery. There's a lot of information in the "sticky" posts. Feel free to toss out any questions you may have, we're always glad to share our own experience.
Welcome again
Mike
My parents were alcoholics, so I'm familiar with being a child in a "toxic" situation. There are several things you can do that will be a huge help to your children.
- Get yourself educated about the disease of addiction, and how it affects a family. The best place to do that is at meetings of al-anon, or nar-anon. They have wonderful books on the subject, and great meetings where other spouses share information. You can find them in your phone book. Give them a call and have them direct you to a meeting that is convenient to you.
- Get your children educated about the disease of addiction, and how it affects them. The best way to do that is thru the program of ala-teen, which is a part of al-anon. When you call ala-non tell them you are also looking for meetings of ala-teen.
- Take a little time to browse around the various forums here on SoberRecovery. There's a lot of information in the "sticky" posts. Feel free to toss out any questions you may have, we're always glad to share our own experience.
Welcome again
Mike
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