An Alcoholics selfishness shines through even when not drinking
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: land of the sick and tired
Posts: 68
An Alcoholics selfishness shines through even when not drinking
I filed for divorce from my AH a few months ago and since then we have been working on dividing our assets. He moved out a few weeks ago.
Today he says that there are lot of things in the house that have value and we need to make sure that everything is fair. I understand that and I was thinking of the freezer, and washer/dryer, etc. But I was interested in his illogical thought process so I asked "for instance?". He proceeds to tell me that we have a lot of food in this house and that he is entitled to half. I wanted to say; Well DUH I am the one caring for and feeding the kids!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Take this can of Spam and this jar of peanut butter and get the **** out!!!!!!! Yes, I spent my money on food when he was buying alcohol.
Can you believe it? This is just one of millions I am sure we could all give examples of. What a selfish piece of crap!!!! So just to spite him I divided all the food in half, put in boxes and put it with all of his stuff in the garage that he needs to move. It was actually quite therapeutic. I just wonder what he will do with the feminine products I included????? HAHAHAHAHAHA. I had to get one little jab in.......................... :
Today he says that there are lot of things in the house that have value and we need to make sure that everything is fair. I understand that and I was thinking of the freezer, and washer/dryer, etc. But I was interested in his illogical thought process so I asked "for instance?". He proceeds to tell me that we have a lot of food in this house and that he is entitled to half. I wanted to say; Well DUH I am the one caring for and feeding the kids!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Take this can of Spam and this jar of peanut butter and get the **** out!!!!!!! Yes, I spent my money on food when he was buying alcohol.
Can you believe it? This is just one of millions I am sure we could all give examples of. What a selfish piece of crap!!!! So just to spite him I divided all the food in half, put in boxes and put it with all of his stuff in the garage that he needs to move. It was actually quite therapeutic. I just wonder what he will do with the feminine products I included????? HAHAHAHAHAHA. I had to get one little jab in.......................... :
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Join Date: Jun 2007
Posts: 477
Daisies.....I would run this by your lawyer because I don't believe that foodstuffs are part of the "assets" in a marriage. As you point out, you have children to feed and you have custody so your AH is actually taking food out of their mouths.
ARL
ARL
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Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: "Somewhere in Ohio" ... little joke from past
Posts: 481
Daisies, you are right. That's nuts! Tell him to take pictures using the tampons! Please put me on the distribution list when you email copies out.
Is there no end to their nuttiness?
Is there no end to their nuttiness?
everything is already ok
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Melbourne Victoria Australia
Posts: 19,789
I split with my partner 16 years ago and we never had a lawyer or any legal process. Our Daugther was 22 yesterday and we have raised her between us sharing everything, care finances,everything. It worked beacuse we wanted it too.
Kevin
Kevin
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Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Right here somewhere
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thats alcoholism. self centeredness is a MAIN symptom.
just like hallucinations are a main symptom of psychizaphrenia (sp). Every single alkie suffers from *self*. Mental illness, you know, makes them coo-coo.
just like hallucinations are a main symptom of psychizaphrenia (sp). Every single alkie suffers from *self*. Mental illness, you know, makes them coo-coo.
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Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Kentucky
Posts: 46
My AH keeps telling me that he is so-o-o-o-o stressed because I'm planning to divorce him. He says, "I am so stressed by this sh*& you are putting me through."
I just want to say... "You are stressed? Why don't you ask your kids how they feel about it? Why don't you ask them how much stress they've been under due to their alcoholic father?"
When he's sober and he ask what's gone so wrong, I tell him -- why don't you come home and ask someone else about their day? You walk in and start a dialogue that lasts all night -- about your day, your boss, the last sale you made, your parents... you name it. Never a single word or thought about anyone else. Just me-me-me-me-me-me.
A disease of selfishness.... absolutely 100% no doubt.
I just want to say... "You are stressed? Why don't you ask your kids how they feel about it? Why don't you ask them how much stress they've been under due to their alcoholic father?"
When he's sober and he ask what's gone so wrong, I tell him -- why don't you come home and ask someone else about their day? You walk in and start a dialogue that lasts all night -- about your day, your boss, the last sale you made, your parents... you name it. Never a single word or thought about anyone else. Just me-me-me-me-me-me.
A disease of selfishness.... absolutely 100% no doubt.
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Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: land of the sick and tired
Posts: 68
Yes, I will check with my attorney about what is included as "assets". He wants to make sure that everything is fair. I want to tell him that the "fair" left town last fall. haha.
I agree that we are both at fault for this situation. However, he needs to put on his big boy pants and act like a man. Once again, I am seeing his "true colors".
The funny thing is that even though he moved out about a month ago I will find the remnants of him eating the leftovers when I get home from work. (He is obviously in the house while I am not here). I just keep my mantra "What doesnt kill you, makes you stronger!"
Thanks to all of you I am keeping my sanity.
I agree that we are both at fault for this situation. However, he needs to put on his big boy pants and act like a man. Once again, I am seeing his "true colors".
The funny thing is that even though he moved out about a month ago I will find the remnants of him eating the leftovers when I get home from work. (He is obviously in the house while I am not here). I just keep my mantra "What doesnt kill you, makes you stronger!"
Thanks to all of you I am keeping my sanity.
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Join Date: Jan 2008
Posts: 141
Yes, it is an example of selfishness. I have, though, seen comparable acts in those who do not have a drinking problem, so perhaps it is just him.
Have you considered the possibility that you have actually given his idea validity by splitting up the food? Also, that you are still game-playing? It is only when I decided not to play anymore that I was able to see the wood from the trees and regain some calm.
I found that my ex's view of fairness and mine were totally different things. Basically, he felt entitled to everything and though I should have nothing because I was the one to leave. I soon disabused him of that notion.......
Have you considered the possibility that you have actually given his idea validity by splitting up the food? Also, that you are still game-playing? It is only when I decided not to play anymore that I was able to see the wood from the trees and regain some calm.
I found that my ex's view of fairness and mine were totally different things. Basically, he felt entitled to everything and though I should have nothing because I was the one to leave. I soon disabused him of that notion.......
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: land of the sick and tired
Posts: 68
karmakoma you have a point. My response to him should be "Food is not part of the assets, I care for the kids therefore I will retain the food here in the house. If you have questions about that then talk to my attorney"
My AH has said on more than one occasion to me "You and I dont think the same". Yes, that is true. You are an alcoholic and I am not. I have also been told that the "true" person comes out after the individual has stopped drinking. In my case it seems to be true. He was a much better person to be around when he was drinking (except that his drinking was out of control and he was passing out in front of the kids) Isnt that terrible?
I believe that my AH and your ex are the same. I am the one who filed for divorce and he has made sure that I suffer for that. I had suggested to make this as smooth as possible that we each keep our pensions or retirements (we have each had/have two careers) and then split everything else in half (including investments, house, etc). He doesnt believe that this is fair and is hell bent on making sure that I pay for this decision. I am becoming less patient all the time. I am so frustrated with him that I am tempted to really "sock it to him" for child support. I am so sick and tired of dealing with his illogical thinking.
Thanks so much for all the responses.
My AH has said on more than one occasion to me "You and I dont think the same". Yes, that is true. You are an alcoholic and I am not. I have also been told that the "true" person comes out after the individual has stopped drinking. In my case it seems to be true. He was a much better person to be around when he was drinking (except that his drinking was out of control and he was passing out in front of the kids) Isnt that terrible?
I believe that my AH and your ex are the same. I am the one who filed for divorce and he has made sure that I suffer for that. I had suggested to make this as smooth as possible that we each keep our pensions or retirements (we have each had/have two careers) and then split everything else in half (including investments, house, etc). He doesnt believe that this is fair and is hell bent on making sure that I pay for this decision. I am becoming less patient all the time. I am so frustrated with him that I am tempted to really "sock it to him" for child support. I am so sick and tired of dealing with his illogical thinking.
Thanks so much for all the responses.
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Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 59
I wouldn't even bother with it honestly. You're getting divorced and the joy in living without an AH is going to be joy and thanks enough. Give him the food any anything else he wants if you really can part with it. Just get out and start over. Playing into this childishness is just what he wants and you don't need the drama. The quicker you are out the better its going to be for your and your kids. Good luck.
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