Unfaithful alcoholics?
Getting to my HAPPY PLACE!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Virginia
Posts: 298
Unfaithful alcoholics?
After reading a response to another thread - it got me to thinking....are ALL alcoholics always going to cheat? Sooner or later?
It breaks my heart to think that my bf would do that....isn't it possible to be an alcoholic and NOT cheat?
Any stories?
It breaks my heart to think that my bf would do that....isn't it possible to be an alcoholic and NOT cheat?
Any stories?
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Minneapolis, Mn. Minnesota Alligator Controll
Posts: 286
When a person is totally wasted their inhabitions are gone,
they really don't have much controll of their inviroment
and if some cutie hits on em anything can happen.
depending on the stage of the dissease, chronic alkies
don't want anything but booze. sex would be a dismall failure.
they really don't have much controll of their inviroment
and if some cutie hits on em anything can happen.
depending on the stage of the dissease, chronic alkies
don't want anything but booze. sex would be a dismall failure.
Forum Leader
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Scottsdale, AZ, one big happy dysfunctional family!
Posts: 23,046
I never cheated on my ex, although in my later stages I had an emotional affair so I guess it's not much different. As my alcoholism progressed, she looked for the love she had lost and found it physically with someone else, I found it mentally by attaching myself emotionally to someone who I thought cared about me.
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Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Spreading my wings
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There are no guarantee's in life with anything....IMHO mine stated he never cheated on me but I was always to blame of cheating on him-Hmmmmmm thinking ummmm yup mine I'm sure did at some point!
I do however believe as Astro stated "emotional" can be a form of cheating-
I was aware of my XABF and his porn fetish, online dating sites...which in my eyes would be cheating. (He was not computer literate so he never cleared the cookies or history button on my pc)
Do all A's cheat well.....nope not in my honest opinion.
However..I do also agree with Anvil- 
I do however believe as Astro stated "emotional" can be a form of cheating-
I was aware of my XABF and his porn fetish, online dating sites...which in my eyes would be cheating. (He was not computer literate so he never cleared the cookies or history button on my pc)
Do all A's cheat well.....nope not in my honest opinion.
However..I do also agree with Anvil-
continuing to drink unabated and all the problems it causes IS cheating........
Recovering Codependant
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Liverpool, Great Britain
Posts: 1,335
I haven't been cheated on with my abf. I know many will think, how does she know? To be honest, abf is at home all the time, he never goes out to drink, he hates pubs/clubs, so it's done at home, so I just can't see it happening.
Besides this my abf's mother was a chronic A, ended up dying from liver and kidney failure. She stayed true to her husband throughout the years, even though he was an abusive jerk to her.
Lily xxxxxxx
Besides this my abf's mother was a chronic A, ended up dying from liver and kidney failure. She stayed true to her husband throughout the years, even though he was an abusive jerk to her.
Lily xxxxxxx
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: looking for the sun in cold MN
Posts: 775
My AH has had 2 emotional affairs that I know of. It's very hard to accept. I just read an article about the program "Celebrity Rehab." Dr. Drew stated that 80% of alcoholics have some form of sexual addiction/compulsion issues. I don't know how accurate that is, but I have to wonder. The connection makes sense to me. I've heard that it's also very easy to move from one addiction to another.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2008
Posts: 141
Dysfunctional behavior is dysfunctional behavior. It has a tendency to leak out, I guess. Problem drinkers may have plenty of opportunity if they drink in bars a lot, may have more issues than the "norm" with instant gratification, may have reduced inhibitions because of drinking leading to more reckless acts etc etc. Not sure I have seen cheating in any definitions of alcoholism, though.
As far as I know, my ex didn't cheat. If he did, it was nothing more than a wham-bam situation, because we spent most of the time together, given that we ran a business. In hindsight, I would say that he was more than capable of doing so, but that was to do with HIM, not necessarily his drinking.
I played the "What If?" game a lot. Given that I am pretty optimistic, it was usually in the vein of "What if I leave and he meets someone else who gets him sober?". Then I wised up......
As far as I know, my ex didn't cheat. If he did, it was nothing more than a wham-bam situation, because we spent most of the time together, given that we ran a business. In hindsight, I would say that he was more than capable of doing so, but that was to do with HIM, not necessarily his drinking.
I played the "What If?" game a lot. Given that I am pretty optimistic, it was usually in the vein of "What if I leave and he meets someone else who gets him sober?". Then I wised up......
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 792
i didn't know mine had cheated until our relationship was well over.
i personally could just never live with the questioning... knowing it very well could happen at any moment and wondering whether or not it actually would. i know now that i don't deserve that.
i personally could just never live with the questioning... knowing it very well could happen at any moment and wondering whether or not it actually would. i know now that i don't deserve that.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Between the ocean and the mountains
Posts: 653
i think i made that reckless statement. i apologize for being careless with language. it wasn't okay. all addicts do not cheat....my reading tells me that a large percentage do, because of the absence of judgement and loosened inhibitions when intoxicated. the moral values just spiral down. but many simply disappear "emotionally". and all of them abandon the ones they love, in one form or another.
again...sorry if i'm the one who was careless with absolutes. i am always so annoyed when other people make blanket statements and there i think i went and did it. a very good lesson for me, and i'm glad i caught this thread!!!
language is so powerful.
again...sorry if i'm the one who was careless with absolutes. i am always so annoyed when other people make blanket statements and there i think i went and did it. a very good lesson for me, and i'm glad i caught this thread!!!
language is so powerful.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: "Somewhere in Ohio" ... little joke from past
Posts: 481
Cheating (in all forms) is so widespread these days I'm not sure the % would be much higher for alcoholics. My XH wasn't an alcoholic, yet he had an emotional affair within a year of us marrying, and a serious one at the end of our marriage that was almost definitely a real one.
My XABF, unbeknownst to me, had at least 2-3 women going on for years. I know as he sinks farther into alcoholism he is more and more desperate for monogamy, but I don't think he is capable of it. How could he be? His email is full of porn, he watches it with friends online, he goes to the bar starting at 11 a.m., and the women are looking for a sugar daddy (even though the sugar is disappearing).
Whether it's a Keys thing, or a bar thing, or both, they have a saying "Eventually everyone gets a turn."
No thanks.
My XABF, unbeknownst to me, had at least 2-3 women going on for years. I know as he sinks farther into alcoholism he is more and more desperate for monogamy, but I don't think he is capable of it. How could he be? His email is full of porn, he watches it with friends online, he goes to the bar starting at 11 a.m., and the women are looking for a sugar daddy (even though the sugar is disappearing).
Whether it's a Keys thing, or a bar thing, or both, they have a saying "Eventually everyone gets a turn."
No thanks.
up and out
Join Date: Jan 2007
Posts: 185
Surely the numbing effects of use dissolve inhibitions so in the course of things, infidelity can happen. It seems to be something you will see often in relationships with substance abuse.
Also, its been my experience that alcoholics/addicts need a source of supply.....of what....of affection, affirmation, ego-stroking, sex, love, sympathy...you name it. Typically the spouse/mate is that source....until they begin to show their disapproval for the alcoholic/addict's behavior or withhold things (like sex, money, affection, etc).
When the alcoholic/addict feels they are met with too much opposition or perhaps finds a fresh source of supply they will gravitate to that by nature. Now, i'm not saying its right or that its acceptable. But if the new 'source of supply' is easier and more pleasurable than what's at home then well.....its all about 'them' right??
Perhaps just another facet of the cheating alcoholics. Please forgive me but that sounds like a neat name for a band. LOL
Much love to you lovtolaff!!
Also, its been my experience that alcoholics/addicts need a source of supply.....of what....of affection, affirmation, ego-stroking, sex, love, sympathy...you name it. Typically the spouse/mate is that source....until they begin to show their disapproval for the alcoholic/addict's behavior or withhold things (like sex, money, affection, etc).
When the alcoholic/addict feels they are met with too much opposition or perhaps finds a fresh source of supply they will gravitate to that by nature. Now, i'm not saying its right or that its acceptable. But if the new 'source of supply' is easier and more pleasurable than what's at home then well.....its all about 'them' right??
Perhaps just another facet of the cheating alcoholics. Please forgive me but that sounds like a neat name for a band. LOL
Much love to you lovtolaff!!
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Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: where the streets have no name
Posts: 1,078
Originally Posted by appleblaster 
Surely the numbing effects of use dissolve inhibitions so in the course of things, infidelity can happen. It seems to be something you will see often in relationships with substance abuse.
Also, its been my experience that alcoholics/addicts need a source of supply.....of what....of affection, affirmation, ego-stroking, sex, love, sympathy...you name it. Typically the spouse/mate is that source....until they begin to show their disapproval for the alcoholic/addict's behavior or withhold things (like sex, money, affection, etc).
When the alcoholic/addict feels they are met with too much opposition or perhaps finds a fresh source of supply they will gravitate to that by nature. Now, i'm not saying its right or that its acceptable. But if the new 'source of supply' is easier and more pleasurable than what's at home then well.....its all about 'them' right??
Perhaps just another facet of the cheating alcoholics. Please forgive me but that sounds like a neat name for a band. LOL
Much love to you lovtolaff!!
Also, its been my experience that alcoholics/addicts need a source of supply.....of what....of affection, affirmation, ego-stroking, sex, love, sympathy...you name it. Typically the spouse/mate is that source....until they begin to show their disapproval for the alcoholic/addict's behavior or withhold things (like sex, money, affection, etc).
When the alcoholic/addict feels they are met with too much opposition or perhaps finds a fresh source of supply they will gravitate to that by nature. Now, i'm not saying its right or that its acceptable. But if the new 'source of supply' is easier and more pleasurable than what's at home then well.....its all about 'them' right??
Perhaps just another facet of the cheating alcoholics. Please forgive me but that sounds like a neat name for a band. LOL
Much love to you lovtolaff!!
i think you summed it up very well. an addiction counselor told me it is a fact that substance addiction is related to promiscuity. not only are there fellow addicts out there but also predatory people that take advantage of addicts.
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