lovtolaff

Welcome. I'm pretty new here myself but I just wanted to tell you that you are FAR from being alone in this chaotic life - the life of living with an alcoholic.

Care to share any of your story? Stick around and keep reading - eventually your feelings towards your alcoholic partner change - and the frustration sometimes gets to be too much.

I have been focusing more on ME rather than worrying about what he's doing all the time - and I have to say that I've felt better about everything.

The sad thing is- I think I'm getting to the stage of not caring one way or the other and I really didn't want to feel that way. I used to have so much "hope" that things would change and he would wake up to the fact that we could have an awesome relationship if only he would STOP drinking. Nowadays, my "hope" is running a little short.

Again - welcome and jump in anytime.

Hazel1969

Goodmorning, I woke up this morning feeling alittle excited about finally finding a place to let go of some of my feelings. I have kept everything in for so long and just kept praying that things will change. My story is very long and fustrating, but basicaly I have been with my partner for 10 years.She has always been the most loving,caring person I have ever met. Even when she is drinking she is that waysometimes if she is in a good mood before she starts drinking, If not she turns in to the devil. She has never hit me, but she is very verbally abusive. Normally it happens at night. I have learned to just go to bed and pretend to be sleeping, so she will leave me alone, but she always does something to wake me up like pull covers off, say my name over and over again and just start calling me everyname in the book till I just can't take it and start yelling at her to leave me alone. Then ends up to be a all night fight, of caurse she does not work and never has which is my fault for letting that happen this long, so she sleeps all day when i have to go to work. Recently she had a very serious surgery and almost died, she was in the hospital for 2 months,went thru withdraws and all that stuff. so when she got out I thought, okay she is clean now so maybe she will not drink again and we could have a great life together, well that did not last long a month after that she started drinking again and the fighting at night has started all over again. She always says the next day that she doesn't remember what happened and then just acts like nothing, at times I geuss I do too. She will till me at times she will slow down and not fight with me anymore, but it always happens anyway. Now we found out that her father has cancer and she has been very upset and normally that triggers alot of drinking so I'm just waiting on pin and needles. You know I try to tell myself I don't deserve to be treated this way, but then i always make up excuses to myself like maybe it me or she has gone thru alot and now her dad, and she needs me to take care of her. No matter how angry, hurt, lonely I feel sometimes, I just can"t leave, sometimes ithink maybe I can't be without her, I would be lost. So that is my story in a nut shell.

lovtolaff

Yep - mine can turn into the "devil" too. I will tell you that I FINALLY got tired of walking around on "pins and needles" - that is no way to live. Heck I've only been with my BF for a year and a half. I can't imagine going thru this for 10 years!

I'm learning to "detach" somewhat and it does help. He is noticing too. I don't think he likes the fact that my focus is turning away from him and onto ME.

So many things that you said in your post made me cringe - why? Because I live that life too. I must give BF credit - he is a HARD worker but at home when drinking - he can turn into the most irritating, selfish idiot ever.

Please feel free to PM me if you want. It really does help to have someone to vent and share with.

How old are you guys? I am 38 and BF is 40.

Keep reading all the posts here - they are very helpful.

Hazel1969

Well, I am 38 and she is 37. She says that she does everything in the house like cleaning, cooking, washing so she does not need to work. I can not seem to get her to understand that we are barely making it with just my income, and that I need her to help me, she does clean houses for a certain company sometimes, but not lately. I know she is still trying to heal from the surgeries, but it has been 4 months now. Lately I just feel so helpless and stressed out. It does feel good to vent and talk about everything, so thank you for listening and replying.

Barbara52

No you don't deserve to be treated like this. Remember that.

She's gone thru a lot. OK. That doesn't excuse being an alcoholic. Most people go thru a lot in life without becoming an alcoholic. She needs to deal with her problems and her life situation or nothing will change for her. Just as you can only change yourself.

Do you want to be someones' partner or someone's mother? Having to take care of an otherwise healthy adult fully capable of living their own life and makingtheir own decisions is rather close to being their mother IMO. I do not as a matter of fact do that for my children. I want them to be self reliant adults, not reliant on me or anyone else.
You don't have to leave to start working on improving your life. Reading and posting here will help you learn healthier ways to react to her and help you understand your situation so you can better decide what to do. As long as you are not in danger (and it doesn't sound like you are) you don't have to take any action beyond learning about yourself and what you want going forward.

Hazel1969

I really want to change myself, but I don't know anyother way to be, My child hood was based on trying to make other people happy so they would love me, that has been my hole life, now I don't know who I am and I really want to change, I'm just so scared and afraid I might not like what I see. I really love her and I know she loves me, it just makes me sooo angry that i can't fix it. I know if I don't get help on myself soon I will have a nervous breakdown. I need advice on how to get thru everyday without loosing it.I do pray for god to give me strength and he does other wise I would have lost it , but I also want to be happy. Don't get me wrong not everyday is bad , we have some really good days too. Just more bad then good.

denny57

Just wanted to say welcome, hazel1969!

shakarris

Just wanted to welcome you here.. I am fairly new as well but you have found the right place for wisdom and support

shakarris

bluejay6

1969: i see so much poignant dependency in your post. it makes you very vulnerable to betrayal because you are likely to believe what your addict tells you.

addicts lie all day and all night, every day, all year. this is probably one of the most vital facts about addiction you need to know.

you are living with a liar.

and addicts are notorious for being unfaithful.

if you stay with your addicted mate, you are setting yourself up to be betrayed. and if you think "she would never do that...." then you have not gathered enough information on the disease.

if your addict does not find recovery, you will lose her. and it will be in a way that shocks you. you cannot, ever, count on an addict.

if you find recovery for yourself from being manipulated and conned by your partner, there is a real chance you BOTH can heal and truly, with absolute honesty, bond. it will never happen, as things are now.

i know how hard it is. the tender times are so beautiful. but without recovery, they are a lie.

please take care.