Cossetta

Hi out there. We just had a VERY rough night with my younger sibling and I am looking for support and advice! My family lives in another state and just had an intervention with my brother who is using several hard drugs. He refused treatment because he "knows what he is doing" and thinks that everyone just needs to take it down a notch because he has researched the "safe" way to do these drugs.

He just moved out of the house and my parents are turning off his cell phone (so that he doesn't use it to sell or buy) and canceling his vehicle insurance so they aren't liable for anything he does to the car. I completely support them in this, because he was using any money they gave him to buy more drugs, so supporting him was only helping him continue with this lifestyle.

I want him to get clean, but realize that he won't do it until he wants to. In the meantime, how do I keep in contact with him/support him as a sibling without making it easier for him to do heroin and coke? What should my next step be?

caileesnana

:codiepolice
Hi and welcome. Read the stickey's on top of the forum list. We are all here for the same reason.

More will be along w/ help. I am struggling right now so not much for words!

Prayers for you ,
susan

Spiritual Seeker

sounds like you won't have much of a relationship with his cell turned off.
If you can stay engaged, do so. Even as addicts we love them, we want the best for them. You may be the one in the family he will contact because he will prob. not contact your parents too much now that they have followed through with their bottom lines. We want to know they are alive. Just be real in your communication and let him know that when he is ready to get clean you'll be there to support and in the meantime you'd like to hear from him once in awhile to know he is okay.

marle

Tell him that you love him and you are praying for him to get clean. Don't give him money or a place to live. Don't cushion his fall. Addicts are very good at manipulation. You are not dealing with your brother, you are dealing with addiction. Take care of yourself and let him deal with his addiction. He is saying he does not want help. He is in denial and nothing will break through that denial until the consequences of his using become more painful than the pleasure he gets from drugs. You can't love him clean or threaten him clean or beg him clean. Your parents are very smart to cut him off. It is painful but detach. Hugs, Marle

SoberAndy

Good for you. If he's still using, then any monetary support is enabling.

The one exception I might make to that rule is the cell phone. I might consider keeping that on to maintain contact with him as someone else suggested. On the other hand, there is value to having him try to use it tomorrow and seeing the "No Service" message. It let's him know you mean business, so it's a judgment call.

marle

The cell phone is very convenient to call drug dealers. If he needs a cell he can buy himself one that he can buy minutes for. I personally would not pay for a cell phone for an addict. Hugs, Marle

Impurrfect

I've got to agree with Marle on the cell phone.....as a recovering addict, I can't tell you how many people would "sell" their phone for dope. If I ever wanted to contact my family, I knew I could call collect....tell them the number I was at and they would call me right back (collect calls are more expensive). Of course I never did this much, because I was too busy getting high to call home

You've gotten good advice above. I only got into recovery because I had no one to enable me (cushion my fall) and I was allowed to fall flat on my face. My family told me they loved me, but would not tolerate my using or destructive behavior, so I stayed a couple hours away from them.

Welcome to SR, and hope you stick around...there are some wonderful people here with a ton of ES&H (experience , strength, and hope)

Hugs and prayers!

Amy