going to pick up my SIL
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: BC Canada
Posts: 51
going to pick up my SIL
Well, I have only posted onhere about my AB up until now, but I have another loved one who is also suffering.
My hubbies little sister (22) is an addict, drugs of choice, coke, crack, meth - as far as we know.
She lives in a nearby town, but we have virtually no contact with her. She calls form time to time. Sometimes she says she is doing great, sometimes she says she needs help, but wont commit to anything.
She has recently emailed a friend in her hometown (about 1000 kms away) and apparently she said she is really in need of help. Her uncle has now offered to have her come live with him. She is currently either on the streets, or bunked up with dealer or addict friends.
She has had an extremely hard life. Her dad was never in the picture, and her mom kicked her out at age 14. She has two beautiful baby boys, aged 6 & 4 I believe, but she has lost them and they are with the father.
So, as we are the closest relatives, and we care about her so much, we want to help. We have been asked by the family to take her to her uncles (about 500kms away). He wants her to live there, she can work for him, and hopefully start working on her recovery.
The problem is that no one can find her. And even if we do, how do we know she will be accepting of the help? She has asked others for help recently, but not us. We want to do the right thing, but we dont want to just drop her off where either someone will enable her (I've dealt enough with that with my brother) or where she can get into worse trouble (huge city vs
small town where she is now).
Any thoughts on how we can best handle this situation?
My hubbies little sister (22) is an addict, drugs of choice, coke, crack, meth - as far as we know.
She lives in a nearby town, but we have virtually no contact with her. She calls form time to time. Sometimes she says she is doing great, sometimes she says she needs help, but wont commit to anything.
She has recently emailed a friend in her hometown (about 1000 kms away) and apparently she said she is really in need of help. Her uncle has now offered to have her come live with him. She is currently either on the streets, or bunked up with dealer or addict friends.
She has had an extremely hard life. Her dad was never in the picture, and her mom kicked her out at age 14. She has two beautiful baby boys, aged 6 & 4 I believe, but she has lost them and they are with the father.
So, as we are the closest relatives, and we care about her so much, we want to help. We have been asked by the family to take her to her uncles (about 500kms away). He wants her to live there, she can work for him, and hopefully start working on her recovery.
The problem is that no one can find her. And even if we do, how do we know she will be accepting of the help? She has asked others for help recently, but not us. We want to do the right thing, but we dont want to just drop her off where either someone will enable her (I've dealt enough with that with my brother) or where she can get into worse trouble (huge city vs
small town where she is now).
Any thoughts on how we can best handle this situation?
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Taking an active addict to live with an uncle just may not be a good thing, unless she is willing to go to detox and/rehab first. She will either continue her using there, which makes the whole situation futile, or she will stop using but may need medical attention to get through the withdrawals.
If she feels really in need of help, then give her some phone numbers and hope she will make the call. Salvation Army rehabs cost nothing and offer a good program.
As much as we try to figure out a good plan for them, nothing will work until the addict is willing to do what they need to do to get clean.
My prayers go out for her and for all of you who love her.
Hugs
If she feels really in need of help, then give her some phone numbers and hope she will make the call. Salvation Army rehabs cost nothing and offer a good program.
As much as we try to figure out a good plan for them, nothing will work until the addict is willing to do what they need to do to get clean.
My prayers go out for her and for all of you who love her.
Hugs
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: BC Canada
Posts: 51
Thanks Ann
Thats really what we believe as well, but we have a lot of pressure from the restof the family. We are not "well off" financially, but we work hard and can afford a few treats once in awhile. The rest of my hubbies family (aside from the uncle) struggle financially, and they just dont havethe means to travel 1000km to where she is living.
Do we tell them we think this might not be the right decision? Do we just hope that she wants to go when we pick her up?
I am so torn.
And I also feel like when I say that SHE needs to be the one to get help, it comes across as me not caring, or not wanting to "deal with her". Although that is far from true. Serveral years ago, when she still had her kids but wasnt hooked on drugs, my husband and I offered for her to come live with us. But she declined. Over the years we have been there as much as possible. We have called. We have helped her arrange travel to her hometown, but after being used and abused by her, we had enough. She would call screaming and crying, then ask for a bus ticket. We knew that giving her money was not a help, and when we refused, the calls from her became less and less frequent. We think about her everyday. But because we are not rescuing her from this life she as created, we are the ones not caring.
Thats really what we believe as well, but we have a lot of pressure from the restof the family. We are not "well off" financially, but we work hard and can afford a few treats once in awhile. The rest of my hubbies family (aside from the uncle) struggle financially, and they just dont havethe means to travel 1000km to where she is living.
Do we tell them we think this might not be the right decision? Do we just hope that she wants to go when we pick her up?
I am so torn.
And I also feel like when I say that SHE needs to be the one to get help, it comes across as me not caring, or not wanting to "deal with her". Although that is far from true. Serveral years ago, when she still had her kids but wasnt hooked on drugs, my husband and I offered for her to come live with us. But she declined. Over the years we have been there as much as possible. We have called. We have helped her arrange travel to her hometown, but after being used and abused by her, we had enough. She would call screaming and crying, then ask for a bus ticket. We knew that giving her money was not a help, and when we refused, the calls from her became less and less frequent. We think about her everyday. But because we are not rescuing her from this life she as created, we are the ones not caring.
Jujubee Queen
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Port Charlotte, Florida
Posts: 3,582
rub,
You're dealing with "earth" people. They don't have a clue as to what will "help" an addict, and when you try to explain enabling, and the addict has to do it for themselves, some they think we're cold and uncaring.
What it sounds like, to me, although I may be wrong...someone has said they will take her, warts, and all, and the rest of the family is sighing in relief.
IPersonally, I sure wouldn't want to do that to my uncle, but people need to make their own decisions. I say, let them send her a ticket, and then it's totally her decision whether to stay or go.
It's tough, they're putting you right in the middle...
Hugs,
You're dealing with "earth" people. They don't have a clue as to what will "help" an addict, and when you try to explain enabling, and the addict has to do it for themselves, some they think we're cold and uncaring.
What it sounds like, to me, although I may be wrong...someone has said they will take her, warts, and all, and the rest of the family is sighing in relief.
IPersonally, I sure wouldn't want to do that to my uncle, but people need to make their own decisions. I say, let them send her a ticket, and then it's totally her decision whether to stay or go.
It's tough, they're putting you right in the middle...
Hugs,
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
