newmember83

I am in my 20's and helping my dad with a recent severe drinking problem (in which he basically drank and slept day and night) that lasted several weeks. He relapsed after one week, and now he is staying with me temporarily while we figure out a solution together. He does not have a lifelong history drinking, but he did binge drink a few times while I was a teenager.

Our mutually agreed plan is to try AA, but he is really turned off by the meetings so far. He perceives that the people in AA are lifetime drinkers and not in the same category as himself. He wants to consider this a bad phase and not label himself an alcoholic.

Is this a common problem from your experience? My only advice for him is to look for the similarities and not the differences in the stories. He is very hung up on separating himself from the lifelong alcoholics, and I feel that he uses this to minimize his problem. Any advice is greatly appreciated.

StayinAlive

Welcome, i am sure you will find lots of support for yourself here. Send him over to hang out with us "problem drinkers" over in the newcomers and alcohol threads. We will take care of him. Helps get one up to speed very fast on this disease.

here is a little sample, not exactly the same situation but you get the idea http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-meetings.html

newmember83

Thanks for your support. I'll show him that link so he doesn't feel he is the only one in this situation. I think AA is a good program because it has stood the test of time, and there are members from diverse situations and all walks of life. Hopefully he'll start to look for the advice rather than make comparisons.

RisingSun

i know exactly what you are going threw. my husband has the same problem with AA. my suggestion is to try and see if your area has any meeting specificly for beginners or that just deal with the first 3 aa steps. Also, tell your father to try to tell the group how he feels. most likely there is going to be someone there that understands what he is going threw right now. Also, what StayinAlive said is something my husband does. He enjoys this message board very much.
:ghug2
God Bless

ichabod

I'd say that most alcoholics think their binges are "just a phase," and that they can stop whenever they want.

My husband attended daily AA meetings for over a year and maintained the entire time that he hated them and didn't get anything out of it. I asked why he went and he said, "because if I'm there I'm not off drinking somewhere." He never bought into AA (truth be told, I read everything and found it obnoxious too) but it definitely gave him a distraction.

He made a comment to me once that it seemed like the long-term AAers swapped one addiction (drink) for another (meetings).

I think that he *did* get something out of AA and that was that he realized that what he was feeling was not as unique as he thought it was. He thought that no one could understand him and found that the people there did.

Bah, that's my long-winded way of saying that AA isn't for everyone. Rational Recovery has been a better approach for my AH.

queenteree

The problem with "binge" drinkers (those who can drink for several weeks, then stop for a week or month or so, only to drink again for days and weeks straight) think that since they can stop, they are not alcoholics. Wrong, wrong, wrong. My husband is an alcoholic and that is exactly the way he drinks. For years he said he wasn't an alcoholic cause he could stop at times, and in his mind alcoholics couldn't. Not so. He now knows he's an alcoholic, although still thinks he can drink and control it. Sooner or later he'll hit bottom and realize he can't. Anyway, if your dad has medical insurance, what about counseling and group therapy. I hear that works pretty good, and truth be told, I think my AH got more out of group than out of AA (even though he won't admit it).

geees poncho

Because I only drink after 5pm
because I only drink when i'm alone
because I only drink when i'm with someone
because I only drink on this night or that night
because I only have 1 DWI or DUI
because I only drank and slept for 2 weeks
DOES'NT EVERYONE DO THAT.
(BECAUSE THE RIVER RUNNING THROUGH MY BRAIN IS DENIAL)

Pick-a-name

geees poncho: for a second,I thought maybe my ex had signed on and posted here!

I've heard more than a few speakers at open AA meetings say they didn't "become an alcoholic" until after about six months of meetings! (Well,recognize and conceed they might be/were..........that they did not have to be a skid row bum to be a "real" alcoholic).

I've heard these and many more "reasons" why my exAH,FIL,AS,etc.,etc claim they don't have a problem and can control,unlike__________ (usually one of the others!)

Thanks!

p.s. Anyone else here get a chuckle how the a's often point to others and call them "bad alcoholics"? My son always rolls his eyes,when he hears that!ha It's kind of a variation on this theme.