aztchr

Today while leaving work, a co-worker stopped me and confided that she's escaping her husband. He's verbally abusive and has been binge drinking. They have only been married 6 months. She asked if I lived alone and that she was looking for places to stay for awhile. Another co-worker is letting her stay for a few days. All of her family is out of state, but know what is going on. She said she has a counseling appt. scheduled with the husband, but if he doesn't go, then she's done.

I listened and didn't offer for her to stay with me. I'm really not close with her, but I did tell her I'd try to think of some more resources while she's safe right now.

I'm not comfortable in letting her stay with me if she asks directly. How do I tell her that without being rude.
Everyone knows me as the caring, helpful, never say no person at work, but I've really been working on detaching and taking care of my own business.

What's the best way to support her and what ideas can I give her for places to stay?

Pick-a-name

Perhaps you could give her the resources and say something to the effect that "you've got your own struggles going on right now,too so you can understand how difficult things must be for her". period. If she asks point-blank,I think I'd just say sorry,but I really couldn't help her with that. (If you are not comfortable with her at your place,you aren't.)

I am sure there are resources that perhaps even her therapist could suggest.

Barbara52

As to what to say, I would say "I wish I could help you but I am not comfortable with the idea of you moving in with me even temporarily." Being caring doesn't have to mean letting a strnager move in with you.

As to resources, checking with women's shelters can lead to options. Checking Craigs list or the local paper for people looking for roommates can work. They are also good sources for temporary housing. I found my temporary 2 month apartment on Craigs list.

aztchr

Thanks! After I posted, I thought of her counselor maybe having some ideas, too and seeing if any of the apartments might have something temporarily.

Barbara52

A lot of apartments have short term leases, although they do tend to cost more than the standard 1 yr lease.

Often there are ads out there for folks out there who are looking for a housesitter or to sublet a place also.

FormerDoormat

She's a big girl, she can find her own solutions. As far as finding out what resources are available, she's capable of doing that as well. These days, I limit my offers of help to those things that a person isn't capable of doing themselves. If I find myself feeling compelled or pressured to do more, then I'm probably about to embark on a rescue mission.

aztchr

Thanks! Needed to hear from you, FD!

When I say no, I like to have a suggestion to follow it.
The progress is in saying no more often. I seem to keep getting these little tests, but I'm working through them.

FormerDoormat

Some wise person on SR once said "the universe has a way of making me do the same thing over and over again until I get it right." That's why, IMHO, I keep getting tested, too.