still hurting
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: CARVER, MA
Posts: 21
still hurting
I posted a long time ago as dopeyswife, as you can see I am now an exwife. It has been so hard of a road to travel, but I have always visited when I could. Ex addict husband sold the computer so havn't had the chance to post. Would visit site from work, which was really hard to do. But the help that I got from the breif moments I could get always helped me. So I would like to say thankyou all. I now have a computer again, so I am looking forward to being a bigger part of this group.
I feel as if I take a few steps forward with my codey problem, then I see a little glimmer of hope that he might sober\clean from his addiction and I let my bonderies down just to be duped again. And all I feel is deep deep pain. I keep telling myself that I won't let him do it anymore, I won't believe the lies
the promises. But when I get a glimmer of the man I once knew the clean sober man, I get illusions that mabey this is it this time. Just to get kicked in the gut by the addict. I think I need to go to the library to check out the book that I see people refering to, please let me know the name and author.
I do need to return the last books I checked out on family law and divorce.
thanks for letting me share. Looking forward to being a member of this site.
I feel as if I take a few steps forward with my codey problem, then I see a little glimmer of hope that he might sober\clean from his addiction and I let my bonderies down just to be duped again. And all I feel is deep deep pain. I keep telling myself that I won't let him do it anymore, I won't believe the lies
the promises. But when I get a glimmer of the man I once knew the clean sober man, I get illusions that mabey this is it this time. Just to get kicked in the gut by the addict. I think I need to go to the library to check out the book that I see people refering to, please let me know the name and author.
I do need to return the last books I checked out on family law and divorce.
thanks for letting me share. Looking forward to being a member of this site.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: CARVER, MA
Posts: 21
thankyou for reading my posts, and welcoming me back. Of course since I posted this morning the awful co-de in me went looking for the exAH at his friends/drug buddies hangout. And I found him and pleaded with him to check into a rehab. Of course he said he only did coke on time and that he dosn't need the help.
To get a better understanding why I feel this way. We just settle the divorce
and I bought him out of our home (yeah for me). So now he's loaded with cash and he is out binging, and everyone of his drug buddies are his best friend. He was sober I think for about 2 months. But once he had money again he bought mins. for his cell phone, bought wheels to get around. And the addict just couldn't handle it. Before this he sold his car and mine, and just about everything else he could. Not one of his drug buddies were there for him when he had no money, wheels, or a phone.
How do you learn to let go.? I love what he was and I feel as if I am moving forward. With letting go, but then I relapse. I cried my heart out in a parking lot away from my boys. Because it is so hard to see someone you love kill themselves. I was hoping that maybe he would have tried to pick up the pieces and move forward in his recovery. And be a father to his boys.
How do you be a Mom and a Dad? I wish I could be both for my boys, but it so hard just to be a mom. Especially one who is such a co-de.
I hope this gets easier as time goes by but I been doing this now for 3 years.
I hope I can do this.:codiepolice
To get a better understanding why I feel this way. We just settle the divorce
and I bought him out of our home (yeah for me). So now he's loaded with cash and he is out binging, and everyone of his drug buddies are his best friend. He was sober I think for about 2 months. But once he had money again he bought mins. for his cell phone, bought wheels to get around. And the addict just couldn't handle it. Before this he sold his car and mine, and just about everything else he could. Not one of his drug buddies were there for him when he had no money, wheels, or a phone.
How do you learn to let go.? I love what he was and I feel as if I am moving forward. With letting go, but then I relapse. I cried my heart out in a parking lot away from my boys. Because it is so hard to see someone you love kill themselves. I was hoping that maybe he would have tried to pick up the pieces and move forward in his recovery. And be a father to his boys.
How do you be a Mom and a Dad? I wish I could be both for my boys, but it so hard just to be a mom. Especially one who is such a co-de.
I hope this gets easier as time goes by but I been doing this now for 3 years.
I hope I can do this.:codiepolice
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: twilight zone,usa
Posts: 3,909
welcome back, we r still here for you. that is a great book. i have read it many times. you did not say how long your ex was clean before u jumped back into it. it takes a long time for them to get clean & prove themselves. we all wish every time is there miracle but some times it just don't work that way. i never give up hope but in order to trust that takes time & work on their part. prayers,
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: To the North
Posts: 1,086
Don't know if this will help, but it helped me, along with the Beattie books - Addictive Thinking by Abraham Twerski, MD. It's everything we "know" - it's short book, easy to read and I certainly could relate to most of it. Helps to have something like that in writing, just as it is more than helpful to have the Codependent No More books, etc. by Beattie. Good luck to you!
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