Robzoloft

I feel so stupid and needy posting yet again.....but I am really struggling with depression and anxiety today....really struggling. I'm all paranoid so of course I get the psychosomatic symptoms and I halfway convince myself I'm dying...all morbid thinking and paranoia...I know its anxiety and detox but damn its bad at times. I'm all weepy and sad...can't get off the couch. Dreading work tomorrow...though I'll have 4 1/2 days tomorrow AM...does this get better with time? I feel like a burden to my SO..completely whiny and useless...though she is very supportive in reality. All doom and gloom thoughts...started new meds yesterday...rationally I know thats part of it but emotionally its all about feeling weird and off and alone ....scared....but I want to stay sober more than I want to drink to deal with this...thanks for listening

Aysha

I know how you feel. I feel like the biggest burden on my family right now. I am a little needy and plus I need them alot more since I have no truck anymore and I live in the country. I am trying not to go crazy getting bored so I am always coming to my aunts house where lots of peopel are. I know she doesnt care nor does the rest of my family. I just felel like I have no purpose at all.
It was drilled in my head while in treatment that this is a feeling disease. Everything is done on feelings. We need to start using itelect and stop letting our feelings decide how we live and think.
I ahev been trying to do that. Because Imknow alot of stuff I think come from my crazy emotions and feelings.
If I stop and really put myself on the outside of it. I see it's just me getting inside my own head.
Your on day 4 and that is great. But it takes a long time to get your mind right again. All the years spent killing brain cells. They dont come back overnight.
I have been told that so many times.
It does get better. But you have to keep moving forward.
Dont let yourself get caught in that endless cycle of picking up. Because you will never come out of the fog. Just make it worse.
Just think. you never have to feel like this again if you just stand your ground and do it.
Good luck and hope you feel better.

I want to post about 3 more threads too. But I will spread em out. LOL...I feel the need to get some things off my mind too today and I can talk.
So your not alone

Anna

Rob, you know it's still very early and your emotions will take awhile to sort themselves out. Just do what you can do and get through each day.

GreenTea

I remember when I was still out there, the first day after a drinking bout I felt physically horrible... The second day I might feel better physically, but my emotions would start going all over the place as my brain chemistry was re-adjusting (yet again)... By the third day, I would usually have had some sleep inside me, but my mind was still all over the place -- depression, anxiety, paranoia, worthlessness, futility -- as my "brain rebooted" adjusting to functioning with the alcohol missing... By the fourth day, I'd generally start to feel a little better -- more sleep and lots of water -- although everything would "feel sort of gray and carboardyish", things wouldn't have much taste, no energy, nerves a bit jittery but mentally functioning although probably feeling sad... By the fifth day (lots more sleep), I might feel a little energy coming back, mentally probably overall feeling fairly fine, slightly shifted perspective on life thinking that things aren't so bad afterall, anxiety probably gone...

... Just in time to go out drinking again on a Friday night to warm up for Saturday night... Sunday was usually spent with a hangover, maybe some mimosas with brunch, maybe a few beers later in the evening. Everything starts over again on Monday. Perfect schedule for a good little weekend binger as long as work gets done during the week...

With me that schedule progressed to the point where I was drinking about a twelve pack every other night or so... Why not bypass some of the crap starting around the second or third day? Do a sort of "hover mode" that skips most of the "suffering" parts?

Fine as long as I stay away from shots and stick to beer alone... Only I end up drinking more beers at a time... Later I start adding shots back in, and by that time, I was deep into that "death spiral"... It was hell... I thank God that He pulled me out of it.

Everything you're describing sounds very familiar to me, especially early in my recovery. It was like one long, last, final, dragged out, horrible, extended, completed hangover. But when it was over, it was finally over, and I don't ever have to feel like that again... I call it those "horrible first thirty days"...

Check out the sticky in the "Alcoholism" forum entitled "Excerpts Under The Influence". It'll give you some good information, I think anyway...

What you're going through is perfectly normal. You are not insane, and this situation is not permanent, its only temporary. Its kind of like being delirious... You mentioned meds so it sounds like you have a doctor. Does your doctor know that you've started recovery? (Have you started recovery?)

"...if you feel like you're dying, go find a hospital and a doctor -- that's what they're there for..." ... The nature of alcohol being what it is, its a risky -- if not dangerous -- thing to withdraw from it without medical supervision.

You are not alone.

Alive

Hi Rob, like it's said above: You just have to take it one day at a time. I must be really hard for you right now, but you need to focus on what you want for your life. And you know that thing that's calling you to drink won't live your life for you. You have to trust that sobriety is the best for you. Like Rusty Zipper says, the rat of adiction can be very convincing. But you know what's best for you.

So these emotions are all over the place. Try to get some rest if you can. Do what you can to stay sober. It does get easier.

hug, hope your arm is doing better...

GreenTea

You only have to do it ONE more time... I know I kept myself "in that fog" feeling like crap over and over and over again... In contrast, I only had to do those first thirty days ONCE!!!!

GreenTea

It will only happily destroy it for you...

One example of that is how much time you've spent thinking about it over the past few days. It doesn't want you to stop thinking about it, not for any reason, until its satisfied again. It gets very insistant any time you stop catering to it. It doesn't want you to live your life -- instead it wants to BE your life.

It has many tools at its disposal in order to gain and hold your attention. Physical withdrawal is one of them, and so is that emotional roller coaster, depression, etc. One of its most powerful tools is the mental obsession.

With me it was as if... if I wasn't drinking, then my disease would settle for keeping me thinking about drinking. As more time went past, it would throw more unpleasant things my way as excuses or incentives to start drinking again. If that didn't work, it would try to be my friend, "... hey things aren't so bad -- let's go get some beer! ..." Whatever it took to get me drinking again.

It won't live your life... But it will happily destroy it... If you are anything like me, then you are not alone!

But it has one more temper tantrum to throw at you, and it will try to make you believe that the situation is permanent... It lies.

Evil disease... Cunning, baffling and powerful.

But you are not alone. Recovery IS possible!

yearofthesnake

Yes, it is so normal to feel that way. I know cause I too am feeling just as you described. But with each passing day we can gain a little bit of ourselves back. Just stay strong and focused. Fight those sudden urges with positive thoughts and prayers. Talk to people and don't feel ashamed. The only time you should feel ashamed is when you decide to give up!


BEST OF LUCK TO YOU!!




:ghug3

RK2007

Horrible feeling, I know exactly what you mean - went through the same thing.

Things do get better.

mr_clean

one day at a time.....

I often manage to stay sober for a week or so, because i take it one day at a time...as soon as i want too much in too little time i'll relapse...

one day at a time!