Kelly_Jones

I am 20 years old and today I went to my third alanon meeting. I went to two around Christmas time but I never went back until now. I had no intentions of going today I somehow just ended up there. My father is an active alcoholic. I was not raised by him but I was raised by my mother and step father who were also alcoholics. I have spent as long as I can remember confused and angry. I have hurt a lot of people in my past because of these feelings and I am tired of it. I know I am a good person inside and I just want to accomplish the goals I set out for myself. I find that I doubt everything I do and I destruct the goals I set in my life to justify the lonely and sad feelings I have inside. At the alanon meeting a lot of the ladies were there because of there husbands, I just want to talk to someone who is like me, who understands the feeling I have. I know that I can do this, I know that there is light at the end of the tunnel, I just want to make sure I get there...Sometimes I wonder no matter how hard I try am I still doomed for life, have I been born into this system and have no way of escaping.

JT

Kelly,

First let me welcome you. This is a good and safe place.

Your motives sound right on...you are going for you. I bet if you talk to some of those woman at Alanon many of them are also children of alcoholics. We live what we see and sadly many adult children go on to repeat the relationships that they saw as children. I am one of those and Alanon had been my program for 10 years.

Alot of what you are describing is codependency. Not feeling comfortable in your own skin. You are way ahead of the game if you are acknowledging your own bad behaviors as causing problems in your life. I was 40 before I got there and I wish I could have gotten there sooner.

I would like to suggest you continue Alanon. Or look for ACOA meetings in your area. The 12 steps can be a gift.

Hugs,
JT

journeygal

Hi Kelly and welcome to our family!

Oh, how I wish I could have started my journey at 20 instead of 30. My dad is an alcoholic and the feelings you describe of being lonely, sad, confused, and angry is exactly what I've felt all of my life. You are definitely on the right track by going to al-anon meetings and seeking help for yourself.

You are so right when you say there's light at the end of the tunnel. But getting through the tunnel can be a little icky... I don't say that to frighten you away. Sometimes you have to wade through the muck to get to the other side. But we're all going through this together - so please keep coming back and sharing with us.

Take care and hugs,
JG