To~~~"Hangin In"
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To~~~"Hangin In"
I really, really, really liked your advice in the thread below about taking your daughter out of your mind~putting her in your heart~ and sending her up to God". That was perfect and I'll start that tomorrow and every day after till we get things right here with Chris.. Thanks for sharing that!! Smiles, Bonnie
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I second that emotion!
I also just finished reading your description, Hangin-In
and b/c I have a worry on my mind re: RAS I stopped and sat back and visualized placing him in HP's hands
I felt a peace and then moved on to read a different thread....this one!
a coincidence?...probably not
I also just finished reading your description, Hangin-In
and b/c I have a worry on my mind re: RAS I stopped and sat back and visualized placing him in HP's hands
I felt a peace and then moved on to read a different thread....this one!
a coincidence?...probably not
Southern through and through
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: In.....trouble :-)
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Can't take credit for this one, BBD. A woman in my Al Anon meeting said it one night and I thought, "Now THAT is good."
You should see all the things I have written on the inside of the front and back covers of my "One Day At A Time" and "Courage to Change" books...good stuff that I don't want to forget. That little tidbit is one of them.
But no coincidence that you mention this statement today. Just about 1 1/2 hours ago I was on the phone with a dear friend who was driving 4 hours to get her son out of a rehab place. He's only been there a few days, just detoxing. Based on my experience, I could advise her all day long about what she should and shouldn't do, but that's not my job. She and her family have their journey to walk just like my family had/has ours.
So what did I tell her? This very thing: "When all these thoughts of what is going to happen to him or what he's going to do, or what will happen if, or what you should have done, just stop. Take your son out of your head. Put him in your heart and then send him on up to God." I hope these words help her, too.
I've been on this road of recovery for a while now and I can't tell you how many times I have to remind myself to take this action. I'm just so thankful that I know to do this today. Years ago I thought all that fear and worry had to stay whirling around in my head. But not anymore.......
Hugs and prayers for both you, Bonnie and Lil, and for your children, also.
Hangin' In
You should see all the things I have written on the inside of the front and back covers of my "One Day At A Time" and "Courage to Change" books...good stuff that I don't want to forget. That little tidbit is one of them.
But no coincidence that you mention this statement today. Just about 1 1/2 hours ago I was on the phone with a dear friend who was driving 4 hours to get her son out of a rehab place. He's only been there a few days, just detoxing. Based on my experience, I could advise her all day long about what she should and shouldn't do, but that's not my job. She and her family have their journey to walk just like my family had/has ours.
So what did I tell her? This very thing: "When all these thoughts of what is going to happen to him or what he's going to do, or what will happen if, or what you should have done, just stop. Take your son out of your head. Put him in your heart and then send him on up to God." I hope these words help her, too.
I've been on this road of recovery for a while now and I can't tell you how many times I have to remind myself to take this action. I'm just so thankful that I know to do this today. Years ago I thought all that fear and worry had to stay whirling around in my head. But not anymore.......
Hugs and prayers for both you, Bonnie and Lil, and for your children, also.
Hangin' In
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Believe me Hangin"~~I'm trying so hard to get this all. I still haven't heard from my son and his cell does have mintes on it now. You'd think he'd call after I left a message last night. He knows I worry so this just makes it worse. I just talked to my older son and that man should have been a therapist. He makes sense all the time. I'm hosting a "60th" b'day party tonight and I'm just hoping I can get it together before 7pm....lots of prayers will be being sent from here this afternoon. Hugs, Bonnie
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BBD,
If you get a chance, go read what I just posted on Bookmiser's thread, "I'm getting married." Not that it's great stuff..., but I was talking about talking to or hearing from my kids. I've finally realized that my life can be peaceful without talking to them all the time. In fact, it's more peaceful. And remember, just cause he isn't calling doesn't mean something is terribly wrong.
I do know that when my daughter was caught up in her addiction she certainly didn't want to talk to me. She was already feeling guilty enough and talking to me made it even worse. But remember this, too. When she was in early recovery, talking to me wasn't the best for her either. I think my HP finally got it across to me that both my AD and I would recover better if we'd stay in our own hula hoop!
Your son, just like my daughter, has to figure out for himself what his road of recovery is. Think of it this way. When he is not talking to you, that is giving him time for some peace and quiet. (Ooo, that didn't sound so good, but you know what I mean.) And maybe that will be the time during which his HP gets to him, during the quiet, still times when his mama isn't chattering in his ear. (And BBD I say this cause that WAS ME! Maybe this isn't you, maybe you don't say too much. If so disregard this whole thing.)
But anyway, my AD couldn't have heard from her HP to save her life cause I was always talking to her, telling her what to do, advising her, blah, blah, blah. No wonder she didn't want to talk to me!
So I see that your HP is giving you a great way to detach tonight. He's provided a distraction. How wonderful! Now go get to work. You have a party to throw while your son's HP is watching over him.
Love & Hugs,
Hangin' In
P.S. Wish I could come to the party!
If you get a chance, go read what I just posted on Bookmiser's thread, "I'm getting married." Not that it's great stuff...
, but I was talking about talking to or hearing from my kids. I've finally realized that my life can be peaceful without talking to them all the time. In fact, it's more peaceful. And remember, just cause he isn't calling doesn't mean something is terribly wrong. I do know that when my daughter was caught up in her addiction she certainly didn't want to talk to me. She was already feeling guilty enough and talking to me made it even worse. But remember this, too. When she was in early recovery, talking to me wasn't the best for her either. I think my HP finally got it across to me that both my AD and I would recover better if we'd stay in our own hula hoop!
Your son, just like my daughter, has to figure out for himself what his road of recovery is. Think of it this way. When he is not talking to you, that is giving him time for some peace and quiet. (Ooo, that didn't sound so good, but you know what I mean.
) And maybe that will be the time during which his HP gets to him, during the quiet, still times when his mama isn't chattering in his ear. (And BBD I say this cause that WAS ME! Maybe this isn't you, maybe you don't say too much. If so disregard this whole thing.) But anyway, my AD couldn't have heard from her HP to save her life cause I was always talking to her, telling her what to do, advising her, blah, blah, blah. No wonder she didn't want to talk to me!
So I see that your HP is giving you a great way to detach tonight. He's provided a distraction. How wonderful! Now go get to work. You have a party to throw while your son's HP is watching over him.
Love & Hugs,
Hangin' In
P.S. Wish I could come to the party!
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BBD, One time not long ago I was trying to figure out just why my daughter could not do me that little favor of just texting once in a while with an "I am okay mom". Another wise lady on here by the name of Anvilhead (who herself is a recovering addict) used this comparison to help me understand. This is not word for word but the jist of it was, "If a loved one just got back from a fabulous trip they will call because they want to share the happy news, but the addict won't call because all they have to talk about is their own self-imposed hell." My daughter has also told me that she thinks about me a lot and talks to her abf about what a good mom I was and all the good times that we shared. She told me that she wants me to be proud of her again someday. So I know that she has some guilt and shame there too. Helped me to understand a bit more why I don't hear from my daughter more. Hugs, Marle
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