She is off and running again..........
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Falling Waters, WV
Posts: 150
She is off and running again..........
Well, after a long lenghtly discussion yesterday, my daughter informed me that "she doesn't have a drug problem and therefore rehab is not the answer to her problems". With that I responded, I am so glad you feel you don't have a problem with drugs, but we agreed that you could stay here until you got into a program. Because you don't think you have a problem, that means you are not willing to go to a program.....Where should i drop you off at??
Things got ugly....she said some hurtful things that I felt the need to justify. Why did I need to justify them?? I have no idea, I don't know why the blows she gives me doesn't leave me speechless. Anyhow, after the yelling and screaming subsided, she started packing her stuff. Now, what is going through my mind is how on earth is this going to effect Eli?? She went down and told him goodbye and before she hit the door, she yelled bye to him again and he yelled bye back. NOT a tear, not a mommy don't go....hummm..confused again.
After she left, I went down and talked to my 4 year old grandson. I asked him how he was feeling...He said Fine grandma ~~are you still mad? I told him that I wasn't mad, or mad at him and he said..I know, your mad at my mom for not being a mommy!! Ugh...tug on my heartstrings again!! We talked for a while then went for Ice cream and to a basketball game!! I really think he was as stressed as everyone else having his mother here.
Anyhow, I just wanted to share..I am sure there will be more to come because there is never a dull moment in my life!!
*****11 day's free of Nicotine*********
Things got ugly....she said some hurtful things that I felt the need to justify. Why did I need to justify them?? I have no idea, I don't know why the blows she gives me doesn't leave me speechless. Anyhow, after the yelling and screaming subsided, she started packing her stuff. Now, what is going through my mind is how on earth is this going to effect Eli?? She went down and told him goodbye and before she hit the door, she yelled bye to him again and he yelled bye back. NOT a tear, not a mommy don't go....hummm..confused again.
After she left, I went down and talked to my 4 year old grandson. I asked him how he was feeling...He said Fine grandma ~~are you still mad? I told him that I wasn't mad, or mad at him and he said..I know, your mad at my mom for not being a mommy!! Ugh...tug on my heartstrings again!! We talked for a while then went for Ice cream and to a basketball game!! I really think he was as stressed as everyone else having his mother here.
Anyhow, I just wanted to share..I am sure there will be more to come because there is never a dull moment in my life!!
*****11 day's free of Nicotine*********
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Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((Trish)))
It does sound like Eli is very wise for his age....glad he's got you to keep him grounded and do fun stuff like ice cream and basketball.
I'm really proud of you that you stuck by your boundary and didn't let her stay. As to why we get into the arguments/discussions when we know we don't have to justify ourselves....I'm hoping we get better with time
Way to go on 11 days off nicotine....I'm on day 5 and feel less grumpy today, but then I haven't gotten out of bed yet!
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
It does sound like Eli is very wise for his age....glad he's got you to keep him grounded and do fun stuff like ice cream and basketball.
I'm really proud of you that you stuck by your boundary and didn't let her stay. As to why we get into the arguments/discussions when we know we don't have to justify ourselves....I'm hoping we get better with time
Way to go on 11 days off nicotine....I'm on day 5 and feel less grumpy today, but then I haven't gotten out of bed yet!
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
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Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: In my little piece of heaven
Posts: 2,870
((Trisha)) ((Eli))
The more I learn about people and addicts, the more I realize that many times their pain is SO great that they have to make a scene or do something in order to get the focus OFF of them and onto anyone or anything else. Your daughter most like did just that - she isn't in a place in her life where she can look at herself and the consequences of her choices... and it doesnt' sound like she had any real plan for improving her life other than NOT going to Rehab.
So, the only way out was to pick a fight so no one would be thinking about that giant pink elephant in the room! She can now tell herself that you are unfair and unreasonable and impossible to live with and she had to leave INSTEAD of looking at the real reasons.
I am really impressed with your recovery. You stuck to your boundaries, you were able to talk openly with your grandson, and you got ice cream and basketball. That sounds like a good day to me!
Big hugs
Cats
The more I learn about people and addicts, the more I realize that many times their pain is SO great that they have to make a scene or do something in order to get the focus OFF of them and onto anyone or anything else. Your daughter most like did just that - she isn't in a place in her life where she can look at herself and the consequences of her choices... and it doesnt' sound like she had any real plan for improving her life other than NOT going to Rehab.
So, the only way out was to pick a fight so no one would be thinking about that giant pink elephant in the room! She can now tell herself that you are unfair and unreasonable and impossible to live with and she had to leave INSTEAD of looking at the real reasons.
I am really impressed with your recovery. You stuck to your boundaries, you were able to talk openly with your grandson, and you got ice cream and basketball. That sounds like a good day to me!
Big hugs
Cats
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: twilight zone,usa
Posts: 3,909
you are doing good. let it fall where it falls because there is nothing you can do about her behavior. eli sounds like an angel. you are lucky to have each other. i bet he helps keep you as grounded as you do him. glad you did something good for him & yourself too., prayers for all 3 of you.hugs,
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Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: The Burgh
Posts: 1,991
Its amazing how simple kids are able to make it. I wish there was a way that we adults could hold onto that.
You know Trish, reading your post reminded me of just how sick and selfish an addict can be.
Your daughter had every chance to start fresh with her kids...that wasn't enough for her to make the effort to stop using...yet.
As much as I have learned about addiction, these things will forever baffle me.
Don't lose hope. You are a Godsend to those kids.
((((Hugs)))
You know Trish, reading your post reminded me of just how sick and selfish an addict can be.
Your daughter had every chance to start fresh with her kids...that wasn't enough for her to make the effort to stop using...yet.
As much as I have learned about addiction, these things will forever baffle me.
Don't lose hope. You are a Godsend to those kids.
((((Hugs)))
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: dallas texas
Posts: 1,629
Trish,
I believe in her warped mind by leaving like that (picking a fight, dramatic exit etc) she thinks it's everyone else. That behavior made it easier for her to leave, in her mind.
I am here with you and understand. Prayers for little Eli, I am so thankful he has you!!! You are an angel.
susan
I believe in her warped mind by leaving like that (picking a fight, dramatic exit etc) she thinks it's everyone else. That behavior made it easier for her to leave, in her mind.
I am here with you and understand. Prayers for little Eli, I am so thankful he has you!!! You are an angel.
susan
get it, give it, grow in it
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Calif coast
Posts: 3,167
Oh Trish this Drama is not easy.
I admire the strength you have to follow-through.
"Addiction is a Distortion of motivation" We can't imagine them walking away from their child. But that is NOT what is motivating your daughter at this time. We have to pick up the pieces of our own lives and move ahead.
We think our addicts have two choices. They only see one.
We keep hoping they will see another choice besides the one they're living.
Meanwhile, as parents we must protect ourselves. We just can't accept unacceptable behavior in our homes.
My heart goes out to you. I admire your dedication to your grandchild.
I admire the strength you have to follow-through.
"Addiction is a Distortion of motivation" We can't imagine them walking away from their child. But that is NOT what is motivating your daughter at this time. We have to pick up the pieces of our own lives and move ahead.
We think our addicts have two choices. They only see one.
We keep hoping they will see another choice besides the one they're living.
Meanwhile, as parents we must protect ourselves. We just can't accept unacceptable behavior in our homes.
My heart goes out to you. I admire your dedication to your grandchild.
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Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Delaware
Posts: 201
((((HUGS))))
I am all teary. I know what you feel like. Eli is smart for his young age and so very lucky to have you and guess what he knows it. He knows grandma is doing all she can to make sure he gets the life he so deserves. You are a angel to that little guy. Don't you dare let her words take that away from you. Don't you dare let her get to you that easily. It is not her talking any way. It is the addiction...the disease. She was just quacking. You saw the elephant and she is still on fantasy island and refuses to see it.
Know one thing..Trisha you did all you could. Keep moving foward and do things that make you happiest. (((HUG)) No matter how hard that is..
Congrats on the cigarette stuff!!! Wow. I would have broke by now. You are made of steel woman!!!
here if you need a buddy. Take care. Give Eli a big hug and kiss from us all.
-K
I am all teary. I know what you feel like. Eli is smart for his young age and so very lucky to have you and guess what he knows it. He knows grandma is doing all she can to make sure he gets the life he so deserves. You are a angel to that little guy. Don't you dare let her words take that away from you. Don't you dare let her get to you that easily. It is not her talking any way. It is the addiction...the disease. She was just quacking. You saw the elephant and she is still on fantasy island and refuses to see it.
Know one thing..Trisha you did all you could. Keep moving foward and do things that make you happiest. (((HUG)) No matter how hard that is..
Congrats on the cigarette stuff!!! Wow. I would have broke by now. You are made of steel woman!!!
here if you need a buddy. Take care. Give Eli a big hug and kiss from us all.
-K
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: GO PENS
Posts: 1,151
Trisha,
I haven't been here much lately so I'm coming in a little late on this. You sound so strong, and I admire that. Eli sounds like he is adjusting just fine without his mom. Until she can be a mom to those babies it is probably best for her to stay away. You set you boundaries and stuck to them. In her sick mind she believes that everyone is against her. In her moments of clarity she will think about what she is doing to herself and to her mom. Even if she never says so......she is counting her lucky stars that she has you to take care of those babies. Hopefully she will make the right decision with this pregnancy. What will be, will be. Once again, all out of your control.
Stay strong, Trish.
Hugs..............Lo
I haven't been here much lately so I'm coming in a little late on this. You sound so strong, and I admire that. Eli sounds like he is adjusting just fine without his mom. Until she can be a mom to those babies it is probably best for her to stay away. You set you boundaries and stuck to them. In her sick mind she believes that everyone is against her. In her moments of clarity she will think about what she is doing to herself and to her mom. Even if she never says so......she is counting her lucky stars that she has you to take care of those babies. Hopefully she will make the right decision with this pregnancy. What will be, will be. Once again, all out of your control.
Stay strong, Trish.
Hugs..............Lo
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