MAJOR Depression!
61'st day sober as of:12/18/07
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Casper, Wyoming U.S.
Posts: 241
MAJOR Depression!
Hi everyone
None of this will probably make any sense but I have been suffering from MAJOR depression lately (deep depression, sadness, apathy, lack of motivation, negative thoughts, pessimism, tiredness, etc). It may be the result of my 24 days of alcohol detox -or- it may be because I commited a sin today that I have have been fighting against for the same 24 days but finally gave in to due to constant temptation. I can't tell any of you what the sin was because from what I read in the rules here, such subjects are taboo and not to be discussed but suffice it to say that committing this sin only added to my already severe depression.
Then on top of that, it seems that a lot of people don't understand the whole concept of depression at all and think it's just a case of "bad character" and that you just need to "think happy and you'll be happy" or that it's just your way of "trying to get people to feel sorry for you". Still other people think you are just trying to "play the victim card" and that all you have to do is "pull yourself up by your bootstraps". I've even had people make me feel like it was my fault for having depression because if I would just pray harder or live a more Christian life, go to church more often, etc, I would suddenly be able to "snap out of it" and walk around being Mr. Happy for the rest of my life.
Anyway, like I said, I'm 24 days into this detox thing and alcohol is the furthest thing from my mind anymore so now I'm wondering if maybe I just "naturally" have an inclination toward depression since several others in my family have suffered from it in the past. Right now I'm taking Celexa but I still feel really "down" and bummed out.
Anyone else get like this?. I feel like a little boy who just lost his puppy or something
IHaveChanged
None of this will probably make any sense but I have been suffering from MAJOR depression lately (deep depression, sadness, apathy, lack of motivation, negative thoughts, pessimism, tiredness, etc). It may be the result of my 24 days of alcohol detox -or- it may be because I commited a sin today that I have have been fighting against for the same 24 days but finally gave in to due to constant temptation. I can't tell any of you what the sin was because from what I read in the rules here, such subjects are taboo and not to be discussed but suffice it to say that committing this sin only added to my already severe depression.
Then on top of that, it seems that a lot of people don't understand the whole concept of depression at all and think it's just a case of "bad character" and that you just need to "think happy and you'll be happy" or that it's just your way of "trying to get people to feel sorry for you". Still other people think you are just trying to "play the victim card" and that all you have to do is "pull yourself up by your bootstraps". I've even had people make me feel like it was my fault for having depression because if I would just pray harder or live a more Christian life, go to church more often, etc, I would suddenly be able to "snap out of it" and walk around being Mr. Happy for the rest of my life.
Anyway, like I said, I'm 24 days into this detox thing and alcohol is the furthest thing from my mind anymore so now I'm wondering if maybe I just "naturally" have an inclination toward depression since several others in my family have suffered from it in the past. Right now I'm taking Celexa but I still feel really "down" and bummed out.
Anyone else get like this?. I feel like a little boy who just lost his puppy or something
IHaveChanged
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Colorado Prairie
Posts: 1,417
I'm glad you're here. I was beginning to wonder what was going on. Whatever your sin was is none of my concern, nor anyone else's for that matter. So keep it to yourself in this case. Back in the day when I used to think it was my job to do Gods job, I might have been interested in hearing this.
Depression is for real! There's no two ways about it. There are a lot of causes. Particularly in recovering Alcoholics. Some of it comes from the realization that we aren't getting instant gratification like we did when we were drinking. Recovery takes time and when we want everything fixed at once we are disillusioned. When I quit I had visions of constant sunshine and cartoon bluebirds sitting on my shoulder. It didn't happen like I was expecting and I myself slipped into a rut that lasted a long time. I had unrealistic expectations of sobriety. A lot of times I wondered if it was all worth it. I went forth with caution and kept my resolve to stay sober. Good choice!
That's just my view and should not be construed as fact. Hope it helps.
Depression is for real! There's no two ways about it. There are a lot of causes. Particularly in recovering Alcoholics. Some of it comes from the realization that we aren't getting instant gratification like we did when we were drinking. Recovery takes time and when we want everything fixed at once we are disillusioned. When I quit I had visions of constant sunshine and cartoon bluebirds sitting on my shoulder. It didn't happen like I was expecting and I myself slipped into a rut that lasted a long time. I had unrealistic expectations of sobriety. A lot of times I wondered if it was all worth it. I went forth with caution and kept my resolve to stay sober. Good choice!
That's just my view and should not be construed as fact. Hope it helps.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 558
I understand all your symptoms of depression, I've experienced them too. I have noticed that my symptoms worsen for just a few days during detox from drinking and then I start feeling better. I think you should see your doctor.
To Life!
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Rhode Island
Posts: 9,293
(((Need4Change)))
Depression *is* real.
It may be a reaction from the cessation from drink. Or, more likely, since it runs in your family, it's a lack of certain chemicals in the brain. Either way, you do not have to suffer in silence.
Please do see your doctor. There *is* help available.
And come to the mental health forum:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/mental-health/
There are many people there who understand depression. We won't tell you to pull yourself up by your bootstraps! Or any other nonesense.
There *is* help today. It begins when you take the first step. Are you ready to do so?
Shalom!
Depression *is* real.
It may be a reaction from the cessation from drink. Or, more likely, since it runs in your family, it's a lack of certain chemicals in the brain. Either way, you do not have to suffer in silence.
Please do see your doctor. There *is* help available.
And come to the mental health forum:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/mental-health/
There are many people there who understand depression. We won't tell you to pull yourself up by your bootstraps! Or any other nonesense.
There *is* help today. It begins when you take the first step. Are you ready to do so?
Shalom!
61'st day sober as of:12/18/07
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Casper, Wyoming U.S.
Posts: 241
You know, just coming here and reading these responses helped to lift the vail of depression just a little bit and let me know that it is not "all in my head" as some either naive or downright ignorant people choose to believe. I feel better now and it feels good to talk to other people, to share and to know that there are others out there who I can reach out to.
Need4Change
Need4Change
Member
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: NY
Posts: 179
I have experienced depression very severely in my life, to the point of a year of suicidal ideation and several subsequent attempts to take my life. I understand what it feels like, and the kicker is in order to make it less severe you have to take action at precisely the time you don't want to do a damn thing. I used medication for a long time, but I was always drinking when I was using it so I don't have any idea if it worked or not. I will say I experience far less depression when I'm not drinking. I used to get drunk and hurt myself all the time. The drinking brought out the worst in my depression, and I did a lot of hurtful things to my body because I was so drunk I didn't care.
If it's all in your head, then we must share the same head (and that would make things even more confusing).....
If it's all in your head, then we must share the same head (and that would make things even more confusing).....
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,476
As others have said, the depression may lift as your recovery continues.
In my case the depression came decades before the drinking. And, I know firsthand that people find depression difficult to relate to because they think it's just a mood and you can shake it off. That used to add to my depression because I felt if I just tried harder I could get it right. Of course, it's not like that. Sometimes meds are the answer. Time will tell and your dr can help.
In my case the depression came decades before the drinking. And, I know firsthand that people find depression difficult to relate to because they think it's just a mood and you can shake it off. That used to add to my depression because I felt if I just tried harder I could get it right. Of course, it's not like that. Sometimes meds are the answer. Time will tell and your dr can help.
61'st day sober as of:12/18/07
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Casper, Wyoming U.S.
Posts: 241
I think where a lot of the confusion and misunderstanding lies is in the fact that when you tell someone that you are suffering from depression, they usually think (or say) "well, what are you depressed about?". Or, if you tell them that you are suffering from anxiety, they want to know what you are anxious about. The fact is that you don't have to be depressed (or anxious) about anything in order to suffer from depression (or anxiety).
What they don't understand (presumably because they have never taken the time to educate themselves) is that the depression we speak of is not transient depression where a person, for example, might be depressed for a short while because a loved one passed away or someone insulted them at work, etc. No, the type of depression I am speaking of here is the result of a lack of "feel good" chemicals in the brain (ie; seratonin, dopamine, etc) and often medication and therapy can help with these.
Simply "snapping out of it" is not possible any more than one could snap out of diabetes or cancer. Depression and anxiety are also physical disorders since the chemicals responsible for them are physical substances produced by the brain. They are not "spiritual" or "psycological" issues either although many people DO benefit from prayer and CBT as well as contact with and support from others (which can produce a content and happy feeling because they can stimulate the production of these chemicals).
Now as far as what I was unable to discuss earlier due to the rules here, I am going to take a big gamble and share what I have to say anyway with the sincere hope that noone will take offense and that this post will not be removed. What I am about to say, I must say because it has been driving me to the edge for years and I don't know who else I can talk to.
I am in a very catch-22 situation in that I had a very strict religious upbringing that has all kinds of rules regarding...well..."procreation". While for some people, the solution would be to simply get married, in my particular case I have a number of issues that make that option nearly impossible and so I must either live a life of celebacy or commit a sin. If I live the celebit life and defy the temptations of the flesh, I end up feeling very repressed, depressed and longing for a mate (which I think is a natural, God-given desire just like eating or sleeping). However, if I give in to the temptation, it may "feel good" for awhile but afterwards, I feel riddled with guilt, depression, remorse and fear of God's wrath or losing his blessings. It's a miserable feeling either way and I just don't know how else to describe it but it has been something that has bothered me immensely for many years and there seems to be no solution other than to just become a priest or forsake my religion altogether (something I could never do).
Anyway, I have spoken from the heart here. I don't know what else I can say. Thank's again for all the input as it is greatly appreciated and very helpful.
Thank you, IHaveChanged
What they don't understand (presumably because they have never taken the time to educate themselves) is that the depression we speak of is not transient depression where a person, for example, might be depressed for a short while because a loved one passed away or someone insulted them at work, etc. No, the type of depression I am speaking of here is the result of a lack of "feel good" chemicals in the brain (ie; seratonin, dopamine, etc) and often medication and therapy can help with these.
Simply "snapping out of it" is not possible any more than one could snap out of diabetes or cancer. Depression and anxiety are also physical disorders since the chemicals responsible for them are physical substances produced by the brain. They are not "spiritual" or "psycological" issues either although many people DO benefit from prayer and CBT as well as contact with and support from others (which can produce a content and happy feeling because they can stimulate the production of these chemicals).
Now as far as what I was unable to discuss earlier due to the rules here, I am going to take a big gamble and share what I have to say anyway with the sincere hope that noone will take offense and that this post will not be removed. What I am about to say, I must say because it has been driving me to the edge for years and I don't know who else I can talk to.
I am in a very catch-22 situation in that I had a very strict religious upbringing that has all kinds of rules regarding...well..."procreation". While for some people, the solution would be to simply get married, in my particular case I have a number of issues that make that option nearly impossible and so I must either live a life of celebacy or commit a sin. If I live the celebit life and defy the temptations of the flesh, I end up feeling very repressed, depressed and longing for a mate (which I think is a natural, God-given desire just like eating or sleeping). However, if I give in to the temptation, it may "feel good" for awhile but afterwards, I feel riddled with guilt, depression, remorse and fear of God's wrath or losing his blessings. It's a miserable feeling either way and I just don't know how else to describe it but it has been something that has bothered me immensely for many years and there seems to be no solution other than to just become a priest or forsake my religion altogether (something I could never do).
Anyway, I have spoken from the heart here. I don't know what else I can say. Thank's again for all the input as it is greatly appreciated and very helpful.
Thank you, IHaveChanged
Member
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: TX
Posts: 542
One of my failed attemps a sobriety was because of depression. I thought I was depressed because I could not drink. I know now it had nothing to do with that. I know that the chemical imbalance that caused my depression was probaply present for a long time. Now without alcohol and with the aid of meds I don't have to suffer. Like others have said you should call your dr they can always adjust meds. Hope you get to feeling better.
JUST DO IT!!
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Here Or There
Posts: 7,612
Thanks for the post! I also suffer from depression and have been diagnosed with manic crap. I was on anti-d's most of my clean time but have taken myself off of all medications that have to deal with depression (doctor of course 
) and I can sure tell the difference.
I am pretty much down most of the time now which really sucks but what is good is that I can finally feel. I felt as if I was all doped up on anti-d's and serequel that I wasn't able to feel real feelings. and yes that was true.
I am still clean going on almost 20 months now. I have talked to some people in recovery and they say that the winter months are pretty hard anyways. And like my doctor says that if I can make it through the winter months without using and without meds than I should be OK. I just don't like the feeling of being down most of the time.
Some will say,,,,you are wrapped up into self pity but those are the people that don't understand the severity of depression. Just hand in there and if ya ever need to talk just pm me or you can email me also. I do have messengers but hardly have them on anymore. Blessings to ya.
) and I can sure tell the difference.I am pretty much down most of the time now which really sucks but what is good is that I can finally feel. I felt as if I was all doped up on anti-d's and serequel that I wasn't able to feel real feelings. and yes that was true.
I am still clean going on almost 20 months now. I have talked to some people in recovery and they say that the winter months are pretty hard anyways. And like my doctor says that if I can make it through the winter months without using and without meds than I should be OK. I just don't like the feeling of being down most of the time.
Some will say,,,,you are wrapped up into self pity but those are the people that don't understand the severity of depression. Just hand in there and if ya ever need to talk just pm me or you can email me also. I do have messengers but hardly have them on anymore. Blessings to ya.
JUST DO IT!!
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Here Or There
Posts: 7,612
Sorry double dipping here
As far as the God thing? Just find your own way. I went to college to be a minister back in the day. I have found my own way for my HP and my HP is mine. That is the miracle you can have a choice in what you want to believe and no one has a right to tell ya that your wrong.
As far as the God thing? Just find your own way. I went to college to be a minister back in the day. I have found my own way for my HP and my HP is mine. That is the miracle you can have a choice in what you want to believe and no one has a right to tell ya that your wrong.
CindeRella is proof that a new pair of shoes can change your life!
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Spreading my wings
Posts: 7,163
Need ....just wanted to give you a 
what you are going through is real...we are here for you as much as we can be! SR always gives me that extra push into strength and hope of knowing I will make it through the dark times!
Prayers to you
what you are going through is real...we are here for you as much as we can be! SR always gives me that extra push into strength and hope of knowing I will make it through the dark times! Prayers to you
Member
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: DFW Texas
Posts: 68
Depression is real. I have severe bouts quite often. I never know when or where it's going to happen. A lot of times they don't seem to be related to any trigger, but I have severe anxiety, apathy, suicidal thoughts, crying bursts. The first several times I quit drinking it was really bad, and cripling. I didn't know what was going on and thought I was losing my mind. The last few times I have quit, the symptoms have been less severe. Runs rampant in my family too. Not sure why the last times have been less severe, but may be related to the fact that I did make it through it the first few times. Just knowing that others experience similar situations, and have made it through as well as knowing that this site is here to turn to is therapeutic for me. My prayers go up for you.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: mostly somewhere close to insanity
Posts: 80
need4change,
i too suffer from severe depression. it is not all in your head. i wake up some days and just wonder why even get out of the bed. i do the minimal to take care of my children, and then crawl into my hole....whether it is paralyzed on the couch or in the bed,,,,i just don't do a damn thing. it feels like it is worse after i drink, and since i've had a recent relapse, i am having a bout of it now. it starts to lift after a few days of not having any booze...good reason to stop drinking right??? somehow i always forget how awful it feels to feel empty, to look at my children and not want to play or even stand the sight of them sometimes!!! i know this sounds awful...but that is depression...it sucks the life out of you and is very hard to get out of unless you have some known way to kick the blues...for me,,,,i go to the gym and start sweating through running, step class....whatever and by the time i am done with a workout, i feel much better. i have tried paxil in the past, but i'm afraid to try any meds again because coming off the paxil was a nightmare. medication is great for a lot of people though. i agree with what someone else said,,,you may need a different dose of med or a different med all together. you are not alone...and for those ignorant people that have never gone through it,,,then just think of them as naiive and lucky...keep your chin up and know that you always have us! alex
i too suffer from severe depression. it is not all in your head. i wake up some days and just wonder why even get out of the bed. i do the minimal to take care of my children, and then crawl into my hole....whether it is paralyzed on the couch or in the bed,,,,i just don't do a damn thing. it feels like it is worse after i drink, and since i've had a recent relapse, i am having a bout of it now. it starts to lift after a few days of not having any booze...good reason to stop drinking right??? somehow i always forget how awful it feels to feel empty, to look at my children and not want to play or even stand the sight of them sometimes!!! i know this sounds awful...but that is depression...it sucks the life out of you and is very hard to get out of unless you have some known way to kick the blues...for me,,,,i go to the gym and start sweating through running, step class....whatever and by the time i am done with a workout, i feel much better. i have tried paxil in the past, but i'm afraid to try any meds again because coming off the paxil was a nightmare. medication is great for a lot of people though. i agree with what someone else said,,,you may need a different dose of med or a different med all together. you are not alone...and for those ignorant people that have never gone through it,,,then just think of them as naiive and lucky...keep your chin up and know that you always have us! alex
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Laredo, Texas
Posts: 55
Hello Need4Change,
Hope you are feeling better. I experienced depression about 3-4 weeks after I quit drinking. I had never experienced anything like that in my whole life. I was in a funk that I couldn't feel happy about anything. I never was suicidal but I am sure I was depressed.
I remember not having the urge to drink, but I kept thinking about having a drink to return "back to normal". I am glad I didn't. I got the strength to hold on by attending AA meetings, visiting this site, developing a relationship with a higher power, and through the support of my family and friends. With time the depression went away and the fog lifted. I have emotional issues that I am addressing at this point that may be the cause of my addicition (Most alcoholics drink for a reason), however, those dark days of dispair that at the time I thought would never get better went away!
Good luck and keep us posted with your progress!
Hope you are feeling better. I experienced depression about 3-4 weeks after I quit drinking. I had never experienced anything like that in my whole life. I was in a funk that I couldn't feel happy about anything. I never was suicidal but I am sure I was depressed.
I remember not having the urge to drink, but I kept thinking about having a drink to return "back to normal". I am glad I didn't. I got the strength to hold on by attending AA meetings, visiting this site, developing a relationship with a higher power, and through the support of my family and friends. With time the depression went away and the fog lifted. I have emotional issues that I am addressing at this point that may be the cause of my addicition (Most alcoholics drink for a reason), however, those dark days of dispair that at the time I thought would never get better went away!
Good luck and keep us posted with your progress!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Nashville
Posts: 2
Depression seems to be an ongoing war that taked place inside. For some (like me), we always think we can figure it out, It is like a big mystery. Hope seems to play a big role in it all.
For instance, they say 90% of what you do on a daily basis is made up of routines. I sometimes think that the cycle of depression can be broken by training your mind not to think in ways of depression. Abstenence from drug abuse as well. The question for me would be, if I could stay clean long enough, would my mind settle down into a more natural state?
For instance, they say 90% of what you do on a daily basis is made up of routines. I sometimes think that the cycle of depression can be broken by training your mind not to think in ways of depression. Abstenence from drug abuse as well. The question for me would be, if I could stay clean long enough, would my mind settle down into a more natural state?
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: ireland
Posts: 169
not much more i can advise need4change as the others have gave an excellent insight into OUR suffering of depression. i just want to send you hugs and everything good. ive been following your progress
as for the sin...well to me it isnt
as for the sin...well to me it isnt
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