Going on with life
get it, give it, grow in it
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Calif coast
Posts: 3,167
(((((((((((((((((((susan)))))))))))))))
We really have no choice. So sorry Susan that you struggle today. In our situation we will have days like this.
You've been here before and you will be okay.
No matter what path our kids are on we deserve and have a right to the wonderful life that we are capable of. A life of meaning and joy. When our kids relapse + etc. we have to remember all of our tools, reach out to our support system and get detached.
They say the first three steps are like a waltz that we do over and over again.
Maybe take a glance at them for guidance.
We really have no choice. So sorry Susan that you struggle today. In our situation we will have days like this.
You've been here before and you will be okay.
No matter what path our kids are on we deserve and have a right to the wonderful life that we are capable of. A life of meaning and joy. When our kids relapse + etc. we have to remember all of our tools, reach out to our support system and get detached.
They say the first three steps are like a waltz that we do over and over again.
Maybe take a glance at them for guidance.
On a tear
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Volcano Country!
Posts: 3,221
(((caileesnana)))
We cannot KNOW.... we cannot know the outcomes. We cannot.
One of my darkest nights was the last time my daughter went back out... I knew it and she knew it. I was sure she was on the road to her death. I awfulized something.... well, awful. And you know what?
That was her last meth run.
She got clean nearly three years ago.... I would NEVER, not in a million years, guessed this result. And up until that point, I had been pretty good at predicting short-term events.
That awfulizing is a survival tool *I* brought out of my childhood. I got good at reading people and situations and then trying to manipulate those things in the direction I needed and wanted them to go.
But with addiction, I had to give up this tool... because it stopped working for me. It brought me depression and desperation - neither of which made my days any better.
It took (and still takes) a concious effort on my part not to "future-trip" with "what-ifs" and "if-onlys". But it does make my days better.
Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers. May HP just wrap you up in His comforting, peaceful arms.
We cannot KNOW.... we cannot know the outcomes. We cannot.
One of my darkest nights was the last time my daughter went back out... I knew it and she knew it. I was sure she was on the road to her death. I awfulized something.... well, awful. And you know what?
That was her last meth run.
She got clean nearly three years ago.... I would NEVER, not in a million years, guessed this result. And up until that point, I had been pretty good at predicting short-term events.
That awfulizing is a survival tool *I* brought out of my childhood. I got good at reading people and situations and then trying to manipulate those things in the direction I needed and wanted them to go.
But with addiction, I had to give up this tool... because it stopped working for me. It brought me depression and desperation - neither of which made my days any better.
It took (and still takes) a concious effort on my part not to "future-trip" with "what-ifs" and "if-onlys". But it does make my days better.
Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers. May HP just wrap you up in His comforting, peaceful arms.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 3,335
Caileesnana,
I'm sorry. I assume she is off and running again.
I can relate. My ex has been using for 15 years now. And I feel so bad for his mother. She is so wrapped up in his addiction and she blames herself. It makes me sick.
She's in and out of the hospital and on multiple types of anxiety meds. She told me that it's all his fault she is sick. However, none of that matters to my ex. He's got his own problems. He's an addict. He's in prison. People bail him out and he goes straight back to drugs. Every single time. I just want to scream at people, STOP RESCUING HIM! IT ISN'T HELPING!
I hope your daughter finds her way. There's always hope. But I think that it has to come from the addict. The addict has to have hope to get better. What I mean by that is hope that life sober is better than life high. Because otherwise, what's the point in quitting!
In a way, the hope of family members only makes things worse. I think we can hope. But we need to keep it to ourselves. Because for some reason, it just seems to feed their addiction. Addiction is sick that way. It takes anything good and destroys it.
My mom had this saying when I was growing up. "A watched pot never boils." Maybe it's like that with addicts. They won't recover as long as we are watching.
I'm sorry. I assume she is off and running again.
I can relate. My ex has been using for 15 years now. And I feel so bad for his mother. She is so wrapped up in his addiction and she blames herself. It makes me sick.
She's in and out of the hospital and on multiple types of anxiety meds. She told me that it's all his fault she is sick. However, none of that matters to my ex. He's got his own problems. He's an addict. He's in prison. People bail him out and he goes straight back to drugs. Every single time. I just want to scream at people, STOP RESCUING HIM! IT ISN'T HELPING!
I hope your daughter finds her way. There's always hope. But I think that it has to come from the addict. The addict has to have hope to get better. What I mean by that is hope that life sober is better than life high. Because otherwise, what's the point in quitting!
In a way, the hope of family members only makes things worse. I think we can hope. But we need to keep it to ourselves. Because for some reason, it just seems to feed their addiction. Addiction is sick that way. It takes anything good and destroys it.
My mom had this saying when I was growing up. "A watched pot never boils." Maybe it's like that with addicts. They won't recover as long as we are watching.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: East Tawas, MI
Posts: 3,683
Another saying that I try to follow with my relationships (especially with addicts because of their not being trustworthy) is to "never give more of myself than I can risk losing". Hugs, Marle
remember to breathe
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: philadelphia pa
Posts: 1,280
I must not understand it as I should because if I live as if he will never recover I will drive myself crazy with worry.
I can just say, hope that he will recover but keep working my recovery
I can just say, hope that he will recover but keep working my recovery
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
((((Susan))))
I was going to pm you and ask how you were doing.....guess I'll wait to hear from you.
Sorry things aren't going well right now. Hang in there, and take care of you, but don't give up hope. I know a lot of people thought I would never recover, and I'm sure Done had people thinking the same thing...but we're both here. You keep taking care of you, going on with your life, and we pray that Kasey (and all the rest of the kids here) find their way to recovery.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
I was going to pm you and ask how you were doing.....guess I'll wait to hear from you.
Sorry things aren't going well right now. Hang in there, and take care of you, but don't give up hope. I know a lot of people thought I would never recover, and I'm sure Done had people thinking the same thing...but we're both here. You keep taking care of you, going on with your life, and we pray that Kasey (and all the rest of the kids here) find their way to recovery.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: GO PENS
Posts: 1,151
(((((Susan)))))
Yesterday you were on my mind and I was going to call you and it got too late when I got home. Maybe you were on my mind for a reason. Whatever it is you are going through you will get through. You have a lot of recovery under your belt and you can do this. We are all here for you when you need us. In the meantime I'm keeping you and Kasey in prayer.
I haven't been on here much myself lately. I've been kind of depressed and struggling with things.
Hugs...............Lo
Yesterday you were on my mind and I was going to call you and it got too late when I got home. Maybe you were on my mind for a reason. Whatever it is you are going through you will get through. You have a lot of recovery under your belt and you can do this. We are all here for you when you need us. In the meantime I'm keeping you and Kasey in prayer.
I haven't been on here much myself lately. I've been kind of depressed and struggling with things.
Hugs...............Lo
Get Caught Reading
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Not in the boonies, thank God
Posts: 1,410
(((((((((((Susan))))))))))))
So sorry your hurting, sweetie. Try to switch gears and focus on
you for a while. You can do it, I just know. We seem to get soooo
wrapped up in those dang coulda, shoulda, woulda's...
You get the point. Let her go. HP will take it from here.
Love and prayers for you...and her.
Linda
So sorry your hurting, sweetie. Try to switch gears and focus on
you for a while. You can do it, I just know. We seem to get soooo
wrapped up in those dang coulda, shoulda, woulda's...
You get the point. Let her go. HP will take it from here.
Love and prayers for you...and her.
Linda
Member
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Wilmington, NC
Posts: 138
Originally Posted by marle 
Another saying that I try to follow with my relationships (especially with addicts because of their not being trustworthy) is to "never give more of myself than I can risk losing". Hugs, Marle
I love it!!! So true and so sad.
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