gigi53

Hi, I am new to this. I have a 23y/o son who is addicted to drugs. I told him he had to leave our home on 1/4/08. Gave him info for shelters and crisis intervention, detox places and rehab places(that I previously researched).
I have seen him around town all days except today and I am hurting. I didn't enjoy seeing him sitting in his car in the park nor in the church parking lot at night, but I knew he was around. Now that I haven't seen him in 32 hrs I can't help thinking of the terrible things that could be happening. I went to my first Naranon meeting on 1/6, it helped. I keep reading the material and working the steps.
I'm just having a hard time tonight, as you can see it is 4am and I haven't slept at all tonight. I know I am the enabler, but I also took the stand and told him to leave(when I think about it now, I can't believe I did it)
I just read the 2 poems; I Am An Addict and Let Me Fall All By Myself, wow are they powerful. They really just put me in my place, and gave me hope.
well I'm getting tired now and I will certainly check back in soon.
Thanks for listening.
Gigi53

gigi53

1

nodrinkingzone

Gigi, I don't know what to say except that I was that son to my parents. I know how much it must hurt, but I think you are doing the right thing.

I quit heroin 8 years ago cold turkey, and am now battling alcoholism (24 days without drinking!). I am finally getting closer to the person my parents wanted me to be, but I had to find it for myself, I had to want it, and I had to face my absolute bottom on my own (overdose, attempted suicide etc.).

I hope your son finds the strength and will to change his life. I don't think you can give this to him, I'm sorry. I am only speaking from my own experience, please don't take it as gospel truth.

Keep reading, and I'll send a thought your way tonight. You're in the right place, there are many forums here, please read through the list at the front page (I'm only just discovering them all myself!).

ndz

Rusty Zipper

gigi, first off welcome to the board...

and as NDZ, i too was that son...

fortunatly, it was made right by my actions!

as wee speak, i'm watching girlfriend, stil enableing the 26 year old step-brat..

no, drink, or drug problems, just a spoiled selfish brat...

time to clean out under the bed...

gigi, you did the correct thing, and as a maw, seeing what my mom went through, it has to be hard...

good wishes gigi...

a prayer out to sonny boy!

xxoo

rz

grateful2b

Gigi, there are many parents on this board with addicted kids...check out Friends and family of alcoholics and friends and family of substance abusers forums here. You will find some good company and a lot of wisdom. This board has been very helpful to me with my AD. take care and post lots.

nodrinkingzone

Oh yes, of course!

WELCOME TO SR!!! You're in the right place, this is EXACTLY where you can find out other people's stories, find strength, support and understanding.

Please stick around, check out the above forums, and ask as many questions as you can.

ndz

Treasure2Find

Thank you for your story, I'm sorry your going through this. I have a 22 year old who battles addiction and it isnt fun. The best thing I can do for him is love him by taking care of me. Good Luck my prayers are with you....

All Good Things,

Anna

Hi Gigi,

I am sorry that you have to go through this with your son and I'm sure it's hard to accept that you're an enabler. It was very hard to accept that I was an alcoholic, but it was something I had to do in order to be able to move forward.

gigi53

Thank you all for your kind, honest & supportive words. It was so good to come here, after I had slept alittle, to find your messages back to me. I am truly grateful. This is the place to be, for me. Yesterday my whole day was consumed with thinking about my son. Looking around town just to see if I could see him. I caught myself as I was darting back and forth down the streets, saying out loud to myself "this is crazy". But I was very uncomfortable at home and would keep getting urges to go out and look for him. I am feeling guilty, but your words, esp NDZ, Rusty Zipper & the words in the 2 poems I read on SR is slowly helping me to realize that this is all part of the process of him getting healthy someday and that he needs to go through this himself. Gee, that is hard to swallow, but I will try and surrender this to my HP for more than the moment I am saying it. Letting go seems to be a hard thing to achieve, but that is my first goal(I guess it's the first step too) I will survive and I hope my Dear AS does.
Love, good wishes & thank you again, my new friends.
Gigi

curliQ

Gigi big hugs to you. I know this is hell for you. As mom, we never lose the cord but it many times in our kid's lives we have to stretch it to the point of breaking. I sincerely hope your son sees the light. It is HIS choice though, not yours.

Spiritual Seeker

I too am the mom of 23 yr old Addict son.
Welcome to the neighborhood and fellowship here.
You are on the right path. You are making the hard choices. We have to do what is right even When there is no good feelings in doing so.
Keep posting + sharing here as you have a lot to offer.

Jersey Nonny

Gigi...even tougher to "detach with love", which I was finally able to do after living for 10 years with my heroin-addicted son. And, as a 28-year recovering alcoholic, myself, you'd think I would have known better. I heard it all...AA, Al-Anon, NA...and, the message was always the same: Let Go - Let God. But, I kept trying to "play God", enabling him, as we both got sicker and sicker.

Almost a year ago, I made a life-changing decision for us...entered a nursing home, gave him two weeks to get into a rehab, and dispose of four rooms of furnishings. I'll be here a year on January 23, and my son has been clean and sober at a VA rehab since February 6. He's working and doing incredibly well!

Please stay strong, so your 23-year-old son may be spared everything my 52-year-old son had to experience to get where he is today. My prayers are with both of you.

gigi53

Thanks Jersey Nonny for your support. You've been there, done that. Maybe there is still hope for my son, I can only pray. Still haven't heard from him or seen him in about 2 1/2 days. I yearn to know he is ok - but he probably is not, but am somewhat comforted that I was able to kiss, hug and tell him I loved him the last time I saw him.
Thank you again for your words. I hope you are doing well in the nursing home & getting wonderful care. I'm so happy your son is doing good as well.
Hope to talk to you again.

Love,
Gigi

Jersey Nonny

Gigi...If there's one thing I did learn over the years, it's that addicts are amazingly resourceful. Although I spent many sleepless nights waiting for that "fateful phone call" during the times I insisted he leave my home, somehow he managed to find food and shelter. They're not stupid...they're not evil...they're not criminals. They're sick, but for the most part very loving and intelligent...and, they are ours.

You might consider getting additional support for yourself by attending meetings of Al-Anon and/or Nar-Anon. Just check your phone book for the local hot lines for meeting information. Have faith and be strong!