He called last night
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Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 177
He called last night
Well he got there. And I don't think he was prepared for what to expect. He sounded ok. He was shocked that they went through all his stuff the way they did. He is sharing a room with another guy. He had orentation yesterday and a meeting to go to last night. And then today they would be starting everything. Yesterday was basically just to get to know his new surroundings. He asked how the kids were and I told him that our 3yr old had a rough time going to bed. His daddy always puts him to bed when he is home. So when he is not there he cries for a long time. So when I told him this he started to cry. I honestly hope he does know how hard this is on the kids and not just on him. Well one day down and 17 more to go. He will most likely call agian tonight but I am not thinking that far ahead. All I am thinking about is taking care of the kids and getting the day to day stuff done. I just hope he is concintrating on what he needs to be doing and focusing on.
I did check out some things in our town and saw that they do offer counsling for me(private for me would be better then group on this issue right now) and also marriage counsling and family. So, even though I know I should be only thinking day to day right now, I am hoping that when he comes back he and I can do the marraige counsling together. But In a week or so(when the dust settles here and I am in more of a routine) I am thinking of seeing about doing the private one. It is free so what can it hurt? We defiantely need to do the marriage one together at some point if we are ever to have any hope of a life together with all that has happened. We need to relearn how to communicate and work together.
Nikki
I did check out some things in our town and saw that they do offer counsling for me(private for me would be better then group on this issue right now) and also marriage counsling and family. So, even though I know I should be only thinking day to day right now, I am hoping that when he comes back he and I can do the marraige counsling together. But In a week or so(when the dust settles here and I am in more of a routine) I am thinking of seeing about doing the private one. It is free so what can it hurt? We defiantely need to do the marriage one together at some point if we are ever to have any hope of a life together with all that has happened. We need to relearn how to communicate and work together.
Nikki
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Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Wilmington, NC
Posts: 138
The good thing about the group counseling is you'll be able to meet other just like you and you can network with those people when you have issues and just want to vent some.
I'm glad you made some calls and checked things out. Treatment isn't going to be fun for him or you and when he gets out, he is going to have to be selfish in a different way than before cause he's going to have to focus alot on himself and his recovery. I noticed that I sorta got swept aside when mine got out but I was also warned that it would be hard on me but in a different way. I did pretty good with him going to meetings twice a day for about two weeks then one Saturday morning he was putting on his shoes to go somewhere and I sorta freaked (sorta) and said "where are you going?" to which he replied, "to a meeting". I said, "You know, I know you need to go to meetings and I appreciate all that you are doing to stay sober, but, I need you too - you're gone all the time and I feel like a single parent again". I regretted it as soon as it came out of my mouth!! Never have I been so ashamed of myself. I was being selfish. You have to be prepared for him to work the program and be gone alot all for the greater good. I guess what I'm trying to say is, it won't be over when he comes home. If he's serious, he has to be busy so therefore, I recommend that you find ways to be busy also. You have to find our own meetings or your own support group, where you can go and find your own serenity. Take turns going to meetings or maybe suggest that you go along to some meetings. My AH and I have turned one meeting a week into "date night". Funny how things change. We get showered and gussied up, like we're going to dinner and a movie but really we are going to go hit an AA meeting!
Be strong - come here often and you won't feel so alone. Be kind to yourself always.
:ghug3
I'm glad you made some calls and checked things out. Treatment isn't going to be fun for him or you and when he gets out, he is going to have to be selfish in a different way than before cause he's going to have to focus alot on himself and his recovery. I noticed that I sorta got swept aside when mine got out but I was also warned that it would be hard on me but in a different way. I did pretty good with him going to meetings twice a day for about two weeks then one Saturday morning he was putting on his shoes to go somewhere and I sorta freaked (sorta) and said "where are you going?" to which he replied, "to a meeting". I said, "You know, I know you need to go to meetings and I appreciate all that you are doing to stay sober, but, I need you too - you're gone all the time and I feel like a single parent again". I regretted it as soon as it came out of my mouth!! Never have I been so ashamed of myself. I was being selfish. You have to be prepared for him to work the program and be gone alot all for the greater good. I guess what I'm trying to say is, it won't be over when he comes home. If he's serious, he has to be busy so therefore, I recommend that you find ways to be busy also. You have to find our own meetings or your own support group, where you can go and find your own serenity. Take turns going to meetings or maybe suggest that you go along to some meetings. My AH and I have turned one meeting a week into "date night". Funny how things change. We get showered and gussied up, like we're going to dinner and a movie but really we are going to go hit an AA meeting!
Be strong - come here often and you won't feel so alone. Be kind to yourself always.
:ghug3
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 177
WOW two a day? My AH can only attend 2 a week because that is all that is close enough to get to. Seriously. One is an NA meeting on Fridays and one is an AA meeting on Mondays. He goes with the guy who runs the NA meetings and is also a member of our same church. I had no clue they could go to that many meetings. I know he will be going to those two meetings a week and then his counsling session every week too. But there are no other meetings close to us for him to attend. I guess that is one of the problems of a small country town.
This is what he was doing before going to the treatment center and he was staying clean from drugs. I only know that from the regular tests thanks to our doctor friend. But since he was still stealing up till December 10th I am not sure about the Gambling. This is such a mess.
Nikki
This is what he was doing before going to the treatment center and he was staying clean from drugs. I only know that from the regular tests thanks to our doctor friend. But since he was still stealing up till December 10th I am not sure about the Gambling. This is such a mess.
Nikki
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Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Wilmington, NC
Posts: 138
Yes, a mess it is. I was just looking for Al-Anon and Nar-Anon meetings in our area. There are at least 50 AA meetings a week and probably 20 NA meetings. Guess what I found out, 2 Al-Anon meetings a week and Nar-Anon meeting a week. Clearly there are tons of drunks and addicts in my town to support so many meetings - what about the families that have to deal with the drunks and addicts? I'm pretty frustrated - I feel betrayed again because I feel forgotten.
So yeah, two meetings a day (a lunch meeting and a evening meeting). See why I felt neglected? Being gone almost 2 hours every night (between 6:30 and 8:30) and having a baby - lots for mama to do and mama would like an extra set of hands again. Ha, ha.
It will be okay. I'm not trying to scare you. Just a little venting.
Oh, just so you know, the first 3 weeks AH was out of rehab was like a long honeymoon. We couldn't keep our hands off each other and we sent each other e-mails again, and nice little notes and did things for each other, etc. but now he's falling again. Of course he won't admit it but I see it. We are not back at square one yet but I bet it's coming. If your AH was already working the program prior to treatment, my guess is he'll be better prepared when he gets out! Good luck sweetie!
So yeah, two meetings a day (a lunch meeting and a evening meeting). See why I felt neglected? Being gone almost 2 hours every night (between 6:30 and 8:30) and having a baby - lots for mama to do and mama would like an extra set of hands again. Ha, ha.
It will be okay. I'm not trying to scare you. Just a little venting.
Oh, just so you know, the first 3 weeks AH was out of rehab was like a long honeymoon. We couldn't keep our hands off each other and we sent each other e-mails again, and nice little notes and did things for each other, etc. but now he's falling again. Of course he won't admit it but I see it. We are not back at square one yet but I bet it's coming. If your AH was already working the program prior to treatment, my guess is he'll be better prepared when he gets out! Good luck sweetie!
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Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 177
WOW. yup he has been going to NA and AA every week since November I think it has been. And also addicts counsling too every week. I have no clue what to expect when he gets back. Last week was awful to say the least. I kicked him out for 3 days because of his yelling and screaming and name calling. He had been fine for a little while up till then. It has been ups and downs that is for sure. I know he will not be going back to work right away. Not for at least a month. He is on medical leave till March and his doctor might extend it. We don't know.
It is the not knowing part I hate. I am a planner. I like to know what is coming and plan ahead for it. I can't plan for this because I just don't know what to plan for. I want to have hope for the kids sake. They love their dad so much.
Nikki
It is the not knowing part I hate. I am a planner. I like to know what is coming and plan ahead for it. I can't plan for this because I just don't know what to plan for. I want to have hope for the kids sake. They love their dad so much.
Nikki
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Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Wilmington, NC
Posts: 138
I too am a planner. This one day at a time is more like one hour at a time and it makes me crazy. It's hard to give up control even when you don't consider yourself a control freak. Maybe it's the Mom in us.
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