Lessons Learned
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: my own little world
Posts: 9,071
Lessons Learned
I was sitting here thinking of all the lesons Ive learned over the past few years and thought it might make a good thread.
A few months ago I never expected to let AH back into my life, and Ive learned even if just for today, and now atleast 3 weeks with me and longer before he's doing well, not perfect but really well, and on his own. Noones helping him, or nagging him or anything else, he's making his own choices.
Wow I once thought he should never be allowed to make choices. LMAO.
Ive learned when left on his own accord he can make good ones.
Ive learned we cant control anything, the world goes on and even with AH wheere I wanted him our SUV and money was stolen, bills have been bad ect. Funny all the nights I used to worry about AH crashing our car and some stranger crashes it and leaves it in the worse drug area around.
Ive learned, you always have to have a back up plan, and enver be afraid to ask for what you need, whether its company, financial assistance or something else. The person can say no, or they could say yes, but if you dont ask you'll never know.
Ive learned my marriage is more peaceful when I calmly communicate my feelings, no reason hiding all my thoughts they just confuse everyone else more when they came out in rage, and Ive learned to treat my kids the same, let them know what Im thinking whether or not it has anything to do with them.
Positive praise for the little things people do, encourages them to do it more and they feel better about it.
Dwelling in negativity fear and anger helps noone and hurts me more.
And lastly Ive learned have copies of all insurance cards, ID, credit cards, SS cards ect somewhere, you never know when all that may be lost, and its alot easier to deal with and recover when you have copies.
Ive also learned, NEVER leave cell phones or purses in a car, always have spare keys and always lock the doors even in your driveway, gas station or car wash, and if you really want an idea what crime is like and how police respond to calls in your area, ask the local convenience store clerk and/or DMV clerk they know all and see all.
ABove all Love your loved ones like theres no tomorrow, and let them know how you feel about them. Tragedies happen fast without warning and tomorrow could be too late
A few months ago I never expected to let AH back into my life, and Ive learned even if just for today, and now atleast 3 weeks with me and longer before he's doing well, not perfect but really well, and on his own. Noones helping him, or nagging him or anything else, he's making his own choices.
Wow I once thought he should never be allowed to make choices. LMAO.
Ive learned when left on his own accord he can make good ones.
Ive learned we cant control anything, the world goes on and even with AH wheere I wanted him our SUV and money was stolen, bills have been bad ect. Funny all the nights I used to worry about AH crashing our car and some stranger crashes it and leaves it in the worse drug area around.
Ive learned, you always have to have a back up plan, and enver be afraid to ask for what you need, whether its company, financial assistance or something else. The person can say no, or they could say yes, but if you dont ask you'll never know.
Ive learned my marriage is more peaceful when I calmly communicate my feelings, no reason hiding all my thoughts they just confuse everyone else more when they came out in rage, and Ive learned to treat my kids the same, let them know what Im thinking whether or not it has anything to do with them.
Positive praise for the little things people do, encourages them to do it more and they feel better about it.
Dwelling in negativity fear and anger helps noone and hurts me more.
And lastly Ive learned have copies of all insurance cards, ID, credit cards, SS cards ect somewhere, you never know when all that may be lost, and its alot easier to deal with and recover when you have copies.
Ive also learned, NEVER leave cell phones or purses in a car, always have spare keys and always lock the doors even in your driveway, gas station or car wash, and if you really want an idea what crime is like and how police respond to calls in your area, ask the local convenience store clerk and/or DMV clerk they know all and see all.
ABove all Love your loved ones like theres no tomorrow, and let them know how you feel about them. Tragedies happen fast without warning and tomorrow could be too late
Living in a Pinkful Place
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 7,545
wow Cindi - you have been a busy learning bee.
Thanks for this thread.
Here are some of the things I have learned in the past few years.
No matter what I do, I don't have the power to mess up God's plans.
Sometimes it is perfectly ok to say "I don't know".
Although I love and care for my family very much, it is ok to love and care for me too.
Sometimes, my friends don't need advice, suggestions or answers they just need someone to talk to.
and most important for me . . .
There is always time to take a deep breath and focus on the words:
Serenity, Courage and Wisdom.
Thanks for this thread.
Here are some of the things I have learned in the past few years.
No matter what I do, I don't have the power to mess up God's plans.
Sometimes it is perfectly ok to say "I don't know".
Although I love and care for my family very much, it is ok to love and care for me too.
Sometimes, my friends don't need advice, suggestions or answers they just need someone to talk to.
and most important for me . . .
There is always time to take a deep breath and focus on the words:
Serenity, Courage and Wisdom.
Bridge CLOSED
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: No ones business
Posts: 1,497
In the last year:
Always rely on yourself first when it comes to finances, home ownership and own your OWN car and your own insurance. Title in your name only. If you cannot buy it on your own, you don't need it. I practiced this before I needed it, thank goodness.
Never expect anything from anyone. Ask for what you want without expectations.
Enjoy today because today counts.
Plan for tomorrow (a failure to plan is a plan to fail).
No more relationships with addicts, recovering addicts, alcoholics, recovering alcoholics etc. EVER. Relapse is real and that door is closed.
A good dog and good cats go a LONG way towards replacing most people (especially a bad Significant Other).
Love is not a head-over-heels at first sight all consuming thing that requires your manipulation and constant attention.. that is obsession and co dependency. Love is much quieter and much less needful.
Many behaviors I am done with and can honestly and without remorse say, "NEVER again.
Always rely on yourself first when it comes to finances, home ownership and own your OWN car and your own insurance. Title in your name only. If you cannot buy it on your own, you don't need it. I practiced this before I needed it, thank goodness.
Never expect anything from anyone. Ask for what you want without expectations.
Enjoy today because today counts.
Plan for tomorrow (a failure to plan is a plan to fail).
No more relationships with addicts, recovering addicts, alcoholics, recovering alcoholics etc. EVER. Relapse is real and that door is closed.
A good dog and good cats go a LONG way towards replacing most people (especially a bad Significant Other).
Love is not a head-over-heels at first sight all consuming thing that requires your manipulation and constant attention.. that is obsession and co dependency. Love is much quieter and much less needful.
Many behaviors I am done with and can honestly and without remorse say, "NEVER again.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: somewhere, out there...
Posts: 512
cinder
i'm so glad to see your post - that's so awesome - i've been thinking about everyone and hoping for good things - i've missed being here and catching up with everyone - so glad i did...
have a great day - i'm going to keep catching up...
love.
s
i'm so glad to see your post - that's so awesome - i've been thinking about everyone and hoping for good things - i've missed being here and catching up with everyone - so glad i did...
have a great day - i'm going to keep catching up...
love.
s
Member
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Florida
Posts: 220
This is from an email I sent to my son a couple of weeks ago when we were talking about relationships and lessons and growth and stuff......
One lesson was that actions that start in guilt, end in resentment. Big
lesson.
One lesson is that actions that induce guilt are not done out of love,
but out of manipulation and the need to control.....even if unknowingly.
Big lesson.
One lesson is that depression is just anger without enthusiasm. When I
am good and pissed it gives me the incentive to move forward. When the
crisis passes, I slump back into that state of miserable tolerance. I
always had to get angry before I could actually get up the nerve to do
anything positive. I am trying to learn to change before I have to
create a crisis. Big lesson.
One lesson is that sometimes love just isn't enough.....sad, but true.
And the biggest lesson is that I am the most important person in my
life. If I don't put myself first, nobody else will. I deserve to be
happy. I deserve to pursue a life that is productive while still being
gentle, safe and joyful. I deserve to live my life in a way that allows
me to love myself and feel good about my life. Huge lesson.
One of the really good things that has come out of all our family heartache is that we actually do talk about important stuff now. Perhaps my sons will not make the same mistakes that I have..... One can only hope.
Babs
One lesson was that actions that start in guilt, end in resentment. Big
lesson.
One lesson is that actions that induce guilt are not done out of love,
but out of manipulation and the need to control.....even if unknowingly.
Big lesson.
One lesson is that depression is just anger without enthusiasm. When I
am good and pissed it gives me the incentive to move forward. When the
crisis passes, I slump back into that state of miserable tolerance. I
always had to get angry before I could actually get up the nerve to do
anything positive. I am trying to learn to change before I have to
create a crisis. Big lesson.
One lesson is that sometimes love just isn't enough.....sad, but true.
And the biggest lesson is that I am the most important person in my
life. If I don't put myself first, nobody else will. I deserve to be
happy. I deserve to pursue a life that is productive while still being
gentle, safe and joyful. I deserve to live my life in a way that allows
me to love myself and feel good about my life. Huge lesson.
One of the really good things that has come out of all our family heartache is that we actually do talk about important stuff now. Perhaps my sons will not make the same mistakes that I have..... One can only hope.
Babs
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