hundow08

So there i was falling apart in front of my AH. (something i used to do as a tacktic, but haven't done in a while) besides i finally figured out it didn't matter how much his destruction to himself, how much it hurt me, how it was destroying us, it just didn't seem to matter to him. So over the past year, i quit letting myself fall apart in front of him. Afterall, over the years it just seemed to make me see myself as pathetic. So anyways there i was crying, telling him this is the last straw.. i can't do it anymore. I told him i see our marriage ending. I see us laughing less, hardly talking, barley ever even sleeping together. i told him how can i when you are always high. I told him for now i will not do anything with you when you are high ( so i guess i better find someone else to hang out with) . he told me he knows he needs to get help, he says he will get help... BLAH BLAH BLAH:chatter. like i haven't heard that senario before , a million times.. and of course he nevr does get help. and what i am just supposed to pretend that it is all oakie dokie??? well i just can't. Lets take today for example. He went to work , came back after being gone for 1 1/2 hrs. (told them he was sick) came home slept, and then he went to his buddys house. so instead of goingand seeking treatment on his next day off like he said he would. he just went and D***ed around all day. he called me much later to say he was going to a meeting at 6:00 and he would be home at 8:30. I don't know i think he is lieing, yet i don't really give a dee anymore. I can't hardly even look at him, or talk to him. B/c i know it is all meaningless to him. I told myself that if some miracle doesn't happen then by June i am kicking him out. right now i am just feeling a little rotten b/c i am writting out budgets just with my income, b/c i am trying to establish credit on my own trying to get insurance with out his help..... you know planning my life with him in it . and it feels so wrong, b/c i don't think he really thinks i will leave (afterall i have only said that a million times before).
I spilled my guts to my mom. she thinks maybe an intervention will help.. i told i am tired, it is his choice, i am done with it. She told me to go to alanon, somewhere she had to go along time ago herself. So I guess i will try to add that to my never ending to-do list.

Spiritual Seeker

perhaps you can move Al-anon to the top of your list. It will be time well spent, one hr. at a time. It can start you on a journey of your own recovery + discovery. It really does work. One of the things we learn is not to make threats and promises we don't intend to keep. It is an easy path to peace of mind.

hope213

meeting are great. keep coming back here & t6ry them also.prayers,