kermit

It hits me! I have the TRUST issue. I broke down and cried and cried.
Before all this mess happened in my life I realized that I trusted evrything and everyone, I even had my own "HP" but now I can't trust anyone not my friends family not even my HP. And now that my Ex is in rehab the thought of needing to trust him again is all so dificult to wrap my head around.
I get through step two I will never make it to steep three let alone trough that one. I have been in program almost 2 years, hello! I'm never going to get this

shakarris

****** hugs to you}}}} In wish I had more but frankly I do not get it either

be good to yourself

shakarris

geees poncho

I would say that you had some kind of break thru,
Hang in there and see what happens.:puppet

aztchr

Keep coming back to the meetings! You're worth it! Remember to trust yourself in the process. (((Kermit)))
You don't have to figure everything out today!

Barbara52

Like gp said, sounds like a breakthrough to me. Having a breakthrough doesn't mean all is clear. It means another bit of important information is finding its way to the front of the line and that you may be ready to work it through.

{hugs} Be patient with yourself and know that the work and pain can be worth it all in the end.

cmc

kermie,
Awareness is a HUGE step. The way things worked for me was that only when I was willing to accept and able to act, could I begin to start fresh and learn how to live.

In different areas of my life at different times I have had those light bulb moments of clarity and I'm so grateful.

It seems like that is just where you are now.
hugs,
cmc

laurie6781

Okay Kermit. First take some deep slow breathes. Now do it again.

Now............................someday you may START to trust your ex again. Right now, you NEED to STAY in today for you and your children.

If you are worrying about someday, you are losing out on today. Sounds like you're putting the cart before the horse, lol don't worry, we've all done it and many (me) several times, lmao.

Please try and practice staying in TODAY. Live each day to its FULLEST. Enjoy each day to the FULLEST. Enjoy your children today to the FULLEST.

There are no guarantees with your ex, at this time, and should he really decide Recovery is the road for him, he has several years of extremely hard work to even start to become the person his HP meant him to be. He is not your problem.

Please remember we stay in the solution. Your solution is just to be the best you and the best Mom you can be Just For Today.

Getting all wrapped up in the 'possibles' of the future will only drive you crazy. Much easier for you and saner, lol to stay in the NOW.

J M H O

Love and hugs,

karmakoma

It would be surprising if we didn't have trust issues.

What was news to me was that I had trust issues BEFORE being involved with a drinker.

kermit

I trusted way to much, I bekieved in my husband more than anything or anyone. I trusted him, I believed him, the lies everything. Sometimes I think to myself, how could I have believed all those lies, what was the truth? I don't think I ever new this man, the father of my childre, the man I let addopt my oldest, what was I thinking? Where do the lies stop? was there any truth to our marriage? I hate not being able to trust it is something I WANT to get back.

karmakoma

Did you trust on words? Or actions?

embraced2000

awwww kermmie........hon, i was in al-anon for a whole year before i could even do step one.

lauries advice is spot on, imho.

i understand so well what you must be experiencing......my xah went back into recovery last june and the thought of him getting sober and learning to live again excited me to no end. because i still do love him, and because i just downright want all those lost ones out there to be well.

i observe from a distance, and try real hard to be supportive without being enabling. some of my boundries for doing this are.....1) refusing to discuss past events with him, 2) refusing to discuss his legal issues caused by his actions, 3) when he asks for advice from me on anything except what color socks to wear, i always just say something like...that sounds like something to discuss with your sponsor. i have so many boundries, and they are boundries to protect my serenity, sanity, and peace.

my serenity comes first.....period. if i feel myself getting upset or old familiar feelings slipping into my mind regarding any interaction with him, i announce to him that i feel uncomfortable and conversation ceases immediately.

we have it worked out to a near science......lol. i understand how fragile this all is, and will not live beyond the moment where he is concerned. he is doing very well, but we all know how delicate a balance that can be.

i have a timetable in my mind. now, some may think that may not be the best thing to do, but my timetable is.......it will take as long as it takes. if he is sincere in his quest for sobriety and all the rewards it brings, it will surely shine through.

the thing that has worked the best for me, is simply putting my serenity first and foremost.

i love the good, brief times we are able to share now, and i will enjoy them for today, for this moment only.

no plans for tomorrow, no hopes for the future, no intense mingling of our lives.

for once, i come first. and it feels great.

i wish you the best, sweety.....and i'm so grateful that he has chosen recovery. many prayers going up for you and your family, and your ex.

keep your serenity, safeguard it at all costs.

big ole hugs to you
jeri

kermit

Laurie and Jerri thank you for such great advice, as always.
Karmak, my husband was a closet drinker for many years his words and actions went hand in hand, great husband, father and provider, not till the last year of our marriage did it so bad taht everything & I mean everything fall apart. So to answer your question I trusted both

Rella927

Kermie

Yes Laurie and Jerri always hit it on the head!

We do not have to get it today Kermie! As long as we keep "working it" it will happen when the time is right for us. "Progress not perfection" think of how far that you have come-and that is by trusting yourself which is HUGE along with the "awareness" as stated above!

Keep up the grand work Kermie your doing wonderful! We are all learning everyday...who cares how long it takes at least we have made the choice to LEARN!